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Am I just really silly?

I've been dieting for a good year now and I lost over 50 lb. My current BMI is 21.9, which is not too bad, really. My dieting was always controlled and healthy, between 1200-1500 calories a day (1500 is more recent).

It's just that I cannot stop dieting. It has become an addiction, and I am totally obsessed with it. And the more stress I have in my life (such as upcoming PhD exams), the more I bury myself in my diet. In the beginning of the year, I gave myself a new goal weight to reach by April 1st, and I have already reached it. I feel like I should just starting to maintain for a while, but I just cannot stop dieting.

I think the only thing that keeps me from developing a "real" eating disorder is the fact that I suffered from both anorexia and bulimia throughout my teenage years... I feel like right now, I am in a similar psychological pattern while avoiding the health risks.

So this may not seem to be a really serious problem because my health is not at stake, but I still feel like it's a problem over which I have no control anymore. And I am scared what happens if I suddenly stop losing weight... and I am similarly scared what happens if I just keep losing.

I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it, but he just ignores it completely. I am not sure if the reason is that he doesn't take it seriously, or that he just doesn't know what to do, but the fact that he seem utterly disinterested makes it so much worse for me. At times I even feel like I have to "prove" that it IS serious.

Or maybe I am just being a drama queen.

Sun. Jan 27, 7:24pm

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Well, as you likely know, Anorexia and bulimia are often more about control than "dieting". And it certainly sounds like you're burrying yourself in your diet so you feel like you have control over something.

No, it doesn't risk your physical health, but it's indicative of a control problem. Deep down, you probably realise that.

Personally, rather than going with the approach "Not hurting my health, so no biggie" a better idea would be to see a counsellor so that you don't have a control problem, or you find better ways of dealing with stress than exerting control over something.

Sunday, January 27, 2008, 7:41 PM

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Ok, deep breath, slow down!

It sounds like you obsess over lots of things. Take matters into your own hands, seek counselling and try to address the issue - not just your dieting issues, but you control issues.

Judging by your boyfriend attitude, you've probably dramatized plenty of issues out loud and tried to talk them through with him. It can be a lot for a partner to take at times.

Good luck

Sunday, January 27, 2008, 7:46 PM

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I think what you've described justifies counseling. Your boyfriend is really a side issue as far as that goes - he might be silent for any of the reasons you mention, or others. Nevertheless you are where you are, so it's your call to make. Since you had eating disorder problems before, it makes sense to act more promptly than if you had no such history. Best of luck to you.

Sunday, January 27, 2008, 11:11 PM

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I agree, seeing a counselor just a few times might help you come up with other ways of dealing with stress instead of just condensing it all into diet. And it's much better to do something about it right now than to wait around. Good luck!

Sunday, January 27, 2008, 11:33 PM

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You definitely need to see a counselor. You are searching for a form of control and in the process are becoming out of control. You have had eating disorders in the past, don't let it come to another sort of disorder. Since you already recognize that this is a problem you need to talk to someone.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 1:41 AM

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I've heard a few different people say that it's hard to switch from losing to maintaining. When you're losing, you have something to look forward to (the number going down), and it's always new and exciting to see smaller sizes of clothes. When you're maintaining, there isn't that same excitement. I think I may have the same problem pretty soon - I'm getting close to my goal weight, and right now I love seeing that number drop - it'll be hard to just stay the same all the time.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 10:37 AM

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I understand what you are saying, I have some of those same feelings. I lost about 17 lbs on WW 2 years ago, and have slowly gained it back due to a combination of medication and going from an active Job to a desk Job.

Dispite my much happier disposition with my new Job I have been dying inside about the weight gain and it is consuming me.

I have been giving a half arse atempt at loosing, but I think a lot of that is because I haven't felt well and my health insurance hasn't started so that I could go to the doctor.
Point being, I'm completely consumed right now again, also having a past of eating disorders and I understand!

Friday, March 21, 2008, 5:48 PM

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I think it's wise to address with with a counselor now before it does explode into a situation where your health IS at risk. If you know eating disorders, that's a very slippery slope. If your boyfriend is that indifferent to your concerns then he may not be the right guy to be in this with you.

Friday, March 21, 2008, 7:17 PM

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Pretty sure I've been unfortunate enough to have been in a group with this girl. She is definitely sick.

Friday, March 21, 2008, 7:22 PM

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When things aren't going well, or we feel a lot of pressure or stress, it's easier to either a) comfort eat or b) comfort-plan. I know I've been guilty of both.
I agree with the others' advice to seek counseling and try and work through some of the deeper issues, so you're not always trading one option for another. I do wish you the very best of luck, and by the way, congratulations on being a PhD candidate! That's where I want to find myself next Fall. :)
Best wishes, CJ

Friday, March 21, 2008, 11:23 PM

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OP, I have the same problem. And, logging every single bite I eat every day doesn't help. In fact, doesn't all this PT business encourage you to think more, and more, and more about food? Essentially, it's the major thing on your mind. Evaluating every bite before you put it in your mouth. Thinking if it's not too much calories in it, so you wouldn't sabotage your day. A gain of a few pounds makes you feel like a failure (in life in general). Counselling? Yeah, right. First, I need counselling for stress in all other areas of my life, such as how to stop being a workoholic. How to figure out things with my partner. And maybe then I'd go see someone about my obsession with thinking about food. And, yes, 99% of you would say I am at a perfect weight/size.

Or maybe I'm just a drama queen, too.

Saturday, March 22, 2008, 10:01 PM

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At least you have a "healthy obsession" with your naturally addictive personality and not something bad like drugs, alchohol, etc...
Could be worse, just dial it down a little.

Monday, March 24, 2008, 11:10 AM

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