When does age matter?

Quick Question- not related to fitness or health but just want a honest answer from the members of PT!

I recently met a really nice guy who is mature, emotionally & financially stable, healthy, hardworking fireman. The problem... he is 36yrs old and I am 22. When do you think age difference really matters? Is there a cut-off point in dating? I don't want friends & family to think I am a "gold-digger" or something because I am in medical school and will be financially stable in just a couple years... I don't need a man for that reason! So, what do you think? Should I go for the 2nd date or just cut my losses and stick to my age group?

Sat. Jan 19, 1:16am

Go for it!!

I say if you 2 have some stuff in common go for it! If he has no problem and you have no problem then there should be no issue. One way to help avoid the "gold digger" term/status, just keep doing what you've been doing. I mean, if he isn't paying your college or your bills then how the hell would you be a gold digger. If he's a nice guy go out with him again. The nice ones are hard to find. It took me a ton of loser jerks before I finally found my husband. Age should not be an issue unless you are like 18 or 19 and dating an 80 year old that is on there death bed. That is what I believe is a gold digger. Your date sounded still fairly young and he has some life left, so take the chance!!!

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 2:05 AM

my husband is 14 years older than me. It makes a big difference that he is ready to retire and i'm still in my 40s. It would be nice if we were in the same points in our life.

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 2:25 AM

Go for it! I married my husband at the age of 17 and he was 28. We've been together for 42 glorious years next month. I'll admit now that 17 was much too young but if I could go back I would do it all over again.

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 9:01 AM

It depends on if you're looking for someone to have a future with, or just someone to go out and have fun with. If you want to find someone for the long term, you need to be on the same page as far as having children and how soon if you want them. He may want them sooner, because of his age, and you may just be getting started on your new career. If you have things in common, I'd say give it a shot.

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 9:22 AM

my husband is 5 years younger than me and at one point I dated a man 13 years younger than me. I also had dated several men 15-20 years older. 9:22 I believe stated it best, it will depend on whether you want fun or a serious relationship. I know plenty of Law and Fire guys and if they are able to grab hold of a 22 yoa young thing, their mates are ribbing and envying him at the same time, you will just need to be mature enough to handle, which it seems, since you are in medical school that you may well be.

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 10:18 AM

I think it is less about age and more about enjoying each other's company. I wouildn't be looking at an endpoint of marriage either...instead...do you want to get to know this guy better? Did you enjoy your first date (this is the 2nd right?)...things like that. We seem to buy the package deal way too early in the process...matching gravestones and grandkids by date 5. Enjoy yourself first! Maybe this guy is the best friend of your life...or passing good company. Don't cut your losses before you even start based on a number.

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 12:07 PM

My dad was 20 years older than my mom and they married when she was 20.
They had 17 woderful years together. The problem was he got cancer.
So there are two ways that I look at it. If you want someone into your old age it probably won't happen. Yet young people die of these horrible diseases all the time too or a car accident..... you get the point.
Mom always said she wouldn't suggest marrying someone that much older yet when you love someone age doesn't matter.
And if someone thinks you are a gold digger that is their problem. You know your intentions.
Good luck in making your decision.

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 3:48 PM

I have dated younger and older... both have had similar outcomes (I am currently in a miserable realtionship and have had a long string of them) To me age has nothing to do with the sastainability of a relationship but more about trying to find someone at the same level as you.

Current bf was very sheltered, no parties, no drugs, no hanging out at bars etc... I spend a lot of my teens years partying and hanging out, so now I am ready to settle and he is looking for someone to have fun with... we are in the same age group (6 month separation in birthdays) but things aren't working.

Past bf was 11 years older than me, he was ready to settle and I wasn't.

It all has to do with getting to know eachother and figuring out if you both want the same things.

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 6:35 PM

OP Here

Thanks everyone for your comments! It's made it a lot easier to say yes to the second date and to actually tell my mom (whom I tell everthing too). I am looking to settle down more and find a long term relationship since I've reached my goal weight and I'm no longer afraid to go past that first date... you know when he might have touched that roll on my stomach!!

This guy has emailed me a couple times to make plans for a second date, but the last email he mentioned that I was "very cute." Do you think he puts it that way since I am so much younger so I can only be "the cute young one" to him? haha I know I know, I'm looking way to far into this... just have never dated someone older!

Saturday, January 19, 2008, 7:28 PM

The downside

When I dated someone 16 years older than me, I felt very insecure about my maturity and tried so hard to impress him...when ultimately my greatest appeal for him was my naivete. The over-35 crowd preys on the early-20s because they're generally too green to have figured out the signs of whatever puts off women their own age. They also think that 20somethings aren't looking for a serious relationship and are more open to "just having fun" (no exclusivity). Maybe that's the case with you, maybe it isn't...just know that these perceptions are pretty common.

At the age of 36, I had a 38yo man offer me $ to teach his 20yo girlfriend how to be better in bed. Nothing had ever happened between me and this prince among men (whose girlfriend, by the way, was under the impression that he was 34...consider checking the guy's ID!), I'm not a prostitute or sex therapist or relevant doctor or anything like that - but he figured that I would naturally know more and his gf should try harder to please him because he was such a catch (his words, not mine!)... yeah, receding hairline, gap-toothed, beerbelly, a 5 out of 10 for looks and a 0 for personality. Quite a catch.

My advice to you would be to try to find out if he makes a habit of dating much younger women or if you're an exception (hint: if you met online, he was def looking for a youngster). Just be aware that if he figures out where you're going with your subtle digging, he'll try to make you out as the exception or hide behind "women my own age are too desperate for a ring and a baby".

Good luck making your way through this minefield if you decide to continue dating him. There's so much to look out for.

Sunday, January 20, 2008, 12:43 PM

very cute

that is really sweet. don't forget, he probably feels great when he is with you. youth can be intoxicating. enjoy ;)))

Sunday, January 20, 2008, 2:41 PM

If he is someone that you can tell your parents about, and introduce your friends to, then go for it if you like him. If you feel the need to "sneak around" a bit, it probably means you are in two different places in life, and it's not a good idea.

You are at the very start of your career, in med school. When you finish, you have a pathway to a very successful career. Does this guy have the same feelings towards success and education that you do? I ask because sometimes older guys want to date younger girls because they're intimidated by the success that their female peers have achieved. A guy like that will only stick around until you succeed similarly; then he'll be intimidated too. Or worse, want a free ride from you.

My guy friends use the rule "half your age plus seven" as for how young a girl they can date w/o seeming sketchy. So a 36-year old, half his age is 18, plus seven is 25. So most of my guy friends, if they were 36, the youngest they'd date is 25. But that's just a rule of thumb, and pretty meaningless. I think it was once written in Maxim, or something like that.

Sunday, January 20, 2008, 5:52 PM

A man 14 years younger than me would be 23, and I can't think of one thing I'd have in common with someone that young. I guess if I liked the idea of being a parent or mentor type in a relationship, I'd feel differently. He's already called you "very cute"... maybe he's one of those.

Sunday, January 20, 2008, 7:02 PM

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