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What is Wrong with ME????

I just joined after researching and tryng to find some support. My husband and I recently re-connected after a 3 year seperation. He had a maddive heart attack (at the age of 36) which woke both of us up. Life is short. Now that being said, we have not had sex since before our seperation 3 years ago. We have been living together again for 3 months. No sex! It is all me. He is functioning fine and the Dr. has said he is fully cleared to have sex. It is all me. I have no desire. NONE! He caresses me and does all the right things. I enter this state of anxiety and almost get to a point of vomiting. I am attracted to him however just not sexually. He is a very emotional person and sometimes I think that may have something to do with it. He gets very emotional about sex.

I would love to hear some advice. I know the simple answer is I am just not sexually attracted to him. We all know that is the simple answer but how can I overcome this? We have tried the date nights, I have tried the sexy lingerie, I have tried the hot both before. Nothing works.

During our seperation I was very interested in sex but now that we both want our marriage to work I am pushing him away.

Mon. Jan 14, 5:03pm

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More from waht is wrong with me??

I am a BBW. I am 6' tall barefoot and 260 pounds. I have tried everything to loose weight up going to a doctor for bypass surgery and they say I dont qualify. Could all this be related? I feel beautiful and my weight has never been a big issue for me.

Monday, January 14, 2008, 5:06 PM

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What is wrong

Do you love your husband? I mean love, not attracted too, not working on, not lovED, I mean love him currently. No holds barred? If you have to think about it at all, then that is what's wrong. Not what is wrong with you, but what is just wrong. There is nothing wrong with you.

Monday, January 14, 2008, 5:53 PM

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Or you can also have a sexual disfunction disorder. This is actually very common in women. Talk to your Dr. about it.

Monday, January 14, 2008, 6:03 PM

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dysfunction... sheesh I cannot spell today.

Monday, January 14, 2008, 6:03 PM

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Why did you separate to begin with? Are there fears of making a go of it again - in every manner - and it not working out? Are you holding on to any anger about why you separated?

Monday, January 14, 2008, 6:15 PM

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Its your body telling you he's not right for you

Tuesday, January 15, 2008, 11:33 AM

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I have 2 ideas behind this. My first is that you just are settling for him, you might love him because he is part of your past and this heart attack may have scared you both into thinking you need to give it another go. What was your sex life with him like before? Not being sexually attracted to the person your with is a HUGE issue and one that isn't likely to just go away with trying. If its not there its not there. His emotional state could be involved as part as your reasons but ultimately its about you. If you are sexually attracted to other men you have too ask yourself some hard questions. You also are going to have to talk to him about it as well. Sex and intimacy are big parts of a marriage.
Okay the 2nd thing is, are you obese? Did you gain weight while you were separated? A lot of times when we have a bad image of our body, feel bad about how we look this totally affects our sex drive.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008, 11:45 AM

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I have had a similar situation with my husband.

Two reasons:
-I was insecure about my body, and I felt like I wasn't living up to my potential.
-I was resentful towards him for not making enough money.

I was unhappy and stressed about our past situation. Now that the money issues are under control, and we are both moving in a forward direction, my desire has come back! My stress is gone. My resentment is gone. My body issues are gone.

I hope this helps!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008, 11:54 AM

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...btw, sexual attraction is mostly in your mind.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008, 11:56 AM

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fed up

You know, I'm fed up with this super-sexually-charged world, where everyone is supposed to be having sex all the time to be happy. I think you and your husband need to work your way back into your relationship slowly. Of course sex was exciting when it was like dating, it always is. However, not everyone has the same interest in sex. I wish people would just relax and let couples find their own happy medium. Find some non-sexual activities you like to do together, and talk to him about letting YOU be the initiator. Then you're in charge and not just putting out for his benefit. He'll benefit too, because when you do have sex, it'll be because you want to, not because you feel you have to. Good luck!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008, 8:36 PM

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I know this might sound totally off-the-wall, but are you subconsciously afraid of his health situation and fearful of the heart attack? A very dear friend's husband had a heart attack and then bypass surgery and it took ages for their sex life to go back to normal. After counseling, she discovered that she was terrified he'd have another heart attack WHILE having sex. Best of luck to you!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008, 10:38 PM

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