OT--Starting Over in the Dating Field

Hi everyone. I'm 35 years old and recently divorced. I've been with the same man for 15 years, had partners before him, but nothing since we started dating.

Here's my dilemma. I love to hunt and fish and since being divorced, I haven't had the opportunity to do so. I'm affraid that it will be hard to find a man who isn't threatened by a woman who shares the pleasure of these activities. Now that I am ready to start dating again, I want to find a man that shares my interests, will teach me new things, and someone who's willing to let me teach them a few things. I am, however, not sure how in the heck to start again. I'm not sure I'll even know what to do on a first date! YIKES!

Any tips on picking up guys, where, how, do's and don'ts on first dates? Red flags? feel free to share a funny story--might be helpful ;)

thx.

Thu. Jan 10, 2:58pm

I have traditionally masculine interests too...you'd think that would increase our appeal to men, but they get all the wrong ideas. My favorite is the assumption that if I do a boy's sport, I must have a boy's attitude towards sex and am dying to bang anything that will have me. I wish I were making that up. Watch out for it.

In your shoes, I'd book a vacation (could just be a weekend) that focuses on your interests. Even if you don't meet someone, you can start finding out about different ways to expand your network from the others.

Big Red Flag #1: thanks to television, all men think that most single women need a sex buddy. You will find that most of them are really just looking to be that and no more. And if that's what you want, just note that it only works if it's someone you've known for a while and not someone you just met. They'll turn out to be at best all sex and no buddy, and at worst a selfish one-nighter.

Big Red Flag #2: sex talk. Internet dating is the worst for this, but it can happen on a first date. They want to know all about what you like to do in bed, and will tell you what they're into. I've even had some tell me even though I didn't like XYZ before, I'll like the way they do it. After a couple of experiences like that, I've learned to change the topic and make a quick exit.

Thursday, January 10, 2008, 3:45 PM

I've been doing the online dating thing seriously for 3 months or so. I was in a 6 year relationship and had never really dated as an adult. I found it impossible to meet anyone out and I'm not the type of person who can strike up a conversation at the store or waiting in line for something. I don't know if its something you'd be interested in trying, but its very easy to "meet" a variety of guys and at the very least get some practice.

My experiences so far have been mostly positive. There were several who were nice but not my type and I got to practice dating and the "good night kiss dodge". The one I went out with on Friday was a total freak and that gave me a whole different kind of practice (and lots of food stories). There's one that I've been dating for a month or so, and one I'm going on a second date with this weekend.

If you decide to go the online route, my biggest pieces of advice are to be honest about yourself and what you're looking for (or definitely not looking for), feel free to be choosy, and trust your instincts. I knew there was something off with the Friday guy when we spoke on the phone but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

If you're just looking for a way to meet people in general, not necessarily go on the prowl, so to speak, then I recommend meetup.com. That way you can get involved with groups of people who have similar interests as you and you can network socially.

It certainly isn't easy, but just try to have some fun, good luck!

Thursday, January 10, 2008, 3:54 PM

join classes or groups that involve your interests

Thursday, January 10, 2008, 4:01 PM

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