Conversation with my Stepfather

This conversation just baffles me. We were talking about weight loss and my stepdad (at least 60 pounds overweight) said defiantly:

SD: The way I feel is, I am right with God, there's no reason for me to have to torture myself by trying to lose weight. (implying that he doesn't need to do it to live longer because he knows he will go to Heaven when he dies)
Me: But isn't gluttony a sin?
SD: I don't eat too much, I just eat unhealthy.
Me: Well, I was a glutton before I lost weight. I don't think people realize how much they eat that they don't need to.
SD: I just don't see any need to lose weight if I'm happy how I am.
Me: What about being around for your grandkids?
SD: (scoffs and makes a joke) You won't want me around that long!
Me: Yes I will!
SD: (changes the subject)

I really hope this is a front he is putting up. I used to make "fat and happy" comments too, when I wasn't happy with it. But it really appalls me that he can be that immature and selfish about it. If he was an alcoholic I wouldn't stand for it but because its something as prominent and socially accepted as obesity, I am expected to laugh it off as if it isn't a serious problem.

What makes it worse is that my 9 year old brother is also very obese. His belly is so big that he has to wear clothes made for much older and taller boys. Its so sad to see his pant legs and sleeves so long - I am embarrassed for him. He looks so uncomfortable, like he will bust out of his skin. He's the sweetest kid but since he was small he's had an obsession with food that has turned him into not just a chubby boy but an extremely fat boy. But because my whole family is overweight and won't look past their own issues to make a real change. My mom said "I will never put him on a diet because my parents put me on a diet and I felt like they didn't love me as much because I was fat." Well, the way I feel is that just trying to make healthy meals and cut back on the desserts and encourage him in sports isn't going to make him lose 30 pounds. He needs something drastic. Again, if he had a disease, Mom wouldn't hesitate to take him to the doctor and do what was needed, instead of tip-toeing around it and acting like its not a big deal.

I don't really know why I posted this - to vent? I just wish there was something to do or say. Everytime I try to talk about it though they just say these ridiculous things I don't even know how to respond to. The worst was, when I was expressing concern over my brother's weight, my mom declared "You were quite fat once and I never said anything to you about it!" Well, yeah, Mom, I was quite fat BECAUSE OF HOW YOU RAISED ME. Of course my feelings would have been hurt if you had said something but maybe if you had taught me how to eat right and reined it in when I was young it would have never gotten to a point where I had to experience hurt feelings. Besides, when I was my brother's age I was not nearly as unhealthily obese as him.

I just honestly feel like they are so shortsightedly selfish. In this day and time where we have so much information at our fingertips, how can they turn a blind eye at the expense of their family?

Fri. Dec 28, 12:20am

First of all there is nothing socially accepted about being obese. It sounds like your mom is very defensive. I would have thought it would do her some good to hear how you really felt about how you were raised. They are also both in some major denial. I think if you really are concerned for your brother you should talk to him. If he is truly that obese he has to be getting poked at at school and probably even bullied. How old is he and is there a way you can help him learn to eat better? Do you still live at home?

Friday, December 28, 2007, 2:02 AM

Oh and another thing, unless the person is an FA or feeder no one is fat and happy.

Friday, December 28, 2007, 2:03 AM

What does FA mean?

Friday, December 28, 2007, 8:40 AM

i know you're concerned for your family, the same way i am for mine because they smoke, but you can't live other people's lives. they have to make their own decisions. they decide what food they are putting into their mouths. if food makes them that happy and they don't want to change, accept it. there's nothing you can do about it. please don't judge them for being overweight as it appears you were there once, too.

My parents and my sister smoke 2 packs a day a piece and i keep waiting for the phone call that one of them has lung cancer. but the fact is smoking makes them happy and i can't change that. i accept their habit because i have habits, too.

find a way to let go of any kind of resentment you may have toward your family for teaching you poor eating habits. I learned to do this 2 years ago in therapy and have lost 30 pounds since letting it go. When I was young, we ate at McDonald's every night of the week because they didn't want to cook. they also didn't let us join sports or activities because they didn't want to drive us. therefore, exercise was never apart of my daily activitity. I realized with counceling with a dietician that i have the power to change that behavior and to teach my children a different life. let it go, heal, move on, and accept the things you have no control over.

good luck to you. you deserve complete happiness, find it and embrace it.

Friday, December 28, 2007, 9:06 AM

If you have real love in your heart what ever you do will be the right thing. If you are talking with your family and they see your real concern that will help and if you decide to let them be but keep the love and concern this will work too. Sometimes you will want to communicate with your words and sometimes with your actions, just make sure you have love and not judgement.

Friday, December 28, 2007, 9:28 AM

Your SD is the man in that household for your little brother and should set an example of good health for the little one. Your body is God's temple and if your SD knows his bible he would know that God does not approve of disrespecting the body he gives you in any manner. However, in that respect no Christian is perfect though there are many people that feel Christians are supposed to be perfect, as humans we never will be that way so such as your SD he makes light of his situation.
It may be better to just continue to lead by example especially for your little brother, when you visit ask if he would go for a walk with you or ride bikes or teach him how to dance. Also, your feelings are normal because you see the pain it caused in your life and you, because you love them don't want the same anymore for them. It takes time, lead by example and positive actions to see changes in others, they have a choice and if you hang in there you will see that they will also pick it up.

Friday, December 28, 2007, 9:46 AM

LOL, FA means Fat Admirer, something I think many of us on here aren't or we wouldn't be here.

Saturday, December 29, 2007, 9:50 PM

You can't change anyone else, only yourself. So let it go. Live how you want, and as you are not responsibl for the rest of them, let them be.

Sunday, December 30, 2007, 1:13 AM

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