Losing control...Help

For 2 weeks now I've done nothing but eat, and I am serious, I have managed to gain almost 8 pounds. Two weeks ago I came home from work and found a letter from my husband. He left me. Not for another woman or any sort of reason like that but because he said I have gotten so fat and unattractive and just have completely let myself go and he couldn't see pass the fat anymore. It was horrible. Truth is I knew I had gotten big. Over the course of our marriage I have gained about 80 to 90 pounds. I was already overweight when we got together but I somehow lost control. I got married 4 years ago, I weighed around 160 but even for my 5'3 height thats chunky. So now I weigh almost 260 so I am huge. The funny thing is I don't feel so completely sad and lost because he left but more so over the fact that I am so heavy. The only thing that keeps running through my head is how will I ever find another man to be with, who will ever want someone like me.

Mon. Dec 24, 11:06am

I think what you really need to do is see a therapist (I go see one) because there is some sort of emotional reason of why you eat. It appears you're eating to fill a void or something. That's the first thing I would do. Or at least you should try to figure out what drives you to eat and take the steps to change or else losing weight and keeping it off will be tough. Good luck.

Monday, December 24, 2007, 11:17 AM

Come on... I see the point of the husband. I mean what is it saying to him if you let yourself go like that? If I were the hubby I would think wow, she does not care enough about me to want to look good for me. Think about what he is feeling too.

Monday, December 24, 2007, 11:25 AM

I hear you loud and clear OP about finding someone to love but first you have to love yourself. I know, I know, how cliche but it's true. FInd the motivation to help you feel better about you, not to make yourself look good for anyone else. I will tell you, I have been there. Thank God though that I have a good husband, he married me when I was about 200 pounds, add 3 kids to that and oh boy! However, it was me, he never said one ill word, still told me I was beautiful etc, so I promise you there are men out there like that. I, and only I, decided I wanted to be healthier for my kids and so I didn't feel so self concious. After my last child I decided to do something about it. 10 years later, 100 pounds thinner, it CAN be done but you have to do it only for you!! No it didn't take 10 years to lose it, it took me about a year and half. I feel better than I ever have having been fat most of my life. You need to find the motivation for yourself, that's the best advice I can give you and guess what, the new year is right around the corner,,,, new year, new you. Think about it!

Monday, December 24, 2007, 2:26 PM

Fat or thin, you have to love yourself first

Sorry 11:25, but I agree with the other two posters. It's not about pleasing him (or anyone) with how you look. It's about being happy with yourself. There's planty of attractive overweight people who are comfortable in their own skin, and plenty of people who love them. That doesn't mean you have to love yourself if you are unhealthy, physically or mentally. If you aren't happy being overweight, then lose the weight and get some self confidence so you can be happy no matter what weight you are at.

Monday, December 24, 2007, 2:32 PM

Thank you all. I think that I have not been happy with me for a long time. And this is part of my reason. I have always felt I made a bad decision marrying the man I did, I even had 2nd thoughts and once we were married I thought things might be different but they weren't. So there is the reason I'm not terribly overwrought with grief about him leaving. Part of me almost feels like its a relief but the other part, the part that doesn't want to be alone is sad for my loss. I do need to learn how to feel good about myself I just don't know how to do that.

Monday, December 24, 2007, 4:16 PM

OP, although I've never been in the exact same position as yourself, I can definately understand how you feel. I'm 17 and have hated how I looked since I could remember. The extra here. The jiggle there. The imperfect nose, etc etc. It even came to the point that I would h.u. with boys that I didn't necessarily like, just because it made me feel better. That SOMEONE thought I was cute enough.

This year I made a huge discovery. Actually a few discoveries. Not only am I beautiful, I am so inside and out. I'm kind, smart, generous, funny, etc etc etc. Ends up, all those last things add up to something much more than how you look. Confidence.

This year, I ended up cutting out a bunch of "pull down" friends - the type that made me feel bad about myself. I stopped putting myself down. I let myself be me. Sure, I lose some weight at the same time, but guess what, it didn't matter.

Am I all the way there yet? No. I still find days where I get down. But, the key is picking yourself right back up, because HEY, someone as awesome as you and I doesn't belong on the floor =]

Now, congrats on the very first step =] Realizing you're worthwhile enough to ask for help and get back the life you truly deserve <33

Monday, December 24, 2007, 5:20 PM

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