Lonely, single and fat... correlation?

I was reading another thread and it said that the OP was obviously replacing something that is missing with food. The question is, how do you get back what is missing?

I think I am obviously eating due to my divorce (three years ago now) and feeling sad, lonely, depressed, and wanting someone in my life even just to hang out with, not necessarily even love me. I am so fat now, I dont think anyone would want me. I feel so disgusting. Men don't look my way. Men don't even recognize me, so I really cannot find someone to hang out with and therefore locate what is missing and what I am craving. I feel lost. I know I am depressed, but I can't find my wyay out of the funk. I am on an anti-depressant. I am a full time single mom, work full time, and am working on my masters degree. I have not had a relationship since my divorce except with some guy I met who has a girlfriend. I think I was drawn to him because he was a friend, but even he probably doesn't want anything more than friends because I am fat. Any suggestions on where to even start would be appreciated because I am in such a slump and feel pretty hopeless.

Sun. Dec 16, 11:30am

It's not about finding a guy to fill the void. It's about finding yourself. You sound like a very busy woman. You need to decided what you really want in your life and make a plan of what you can do to achieve those goals. You need to set your priorities and feel good about every step you are making toward your goals. Eventually all those steps will take you miles. Good luck OP.

Sunday, December 16, 2007, 11:54 AM

I agree with the PP. Find yourself. And being a single mom with a thousand other things going on - that can be tough. But you will reap great rewards by getting in touch with who you are, what you want, what your interests are, ect. Nurture yourself. You'll be a better parent, a better person, a better friend, etc. And you won't have to be at your goal weight to attract attention. Once you start taking those steps your confidence will build and you'll project a different you to the world. THAT will get attention - no matter what your weight. Good luck. You're in a tough spot, but you can find your way out.

Sunday, December 16, 2007, 1:15 PM

First, can I give you an internet hug? As PP said, "You're in a tough spot".

When I first read your comment I thought you might be someone I know. I have a friend who is a single mother, separated from her husband about 3 years ago and who has spiralled down ever since. She has gained over 100 lbs, maybe 150 (not something I would ask her). She is depressed and can't sleep properly. She has been so ashamed of her weight gain that she does her groceries in the middle of the night, at an all-night grocery store 30 minutes away, so as to avoid bumping into anyone she knows. She is too depressed to work and is at risk of losing her job. Her ex, who makes very little effort to see their child, is now talking about trying for full custody because he believes her to be an unfit mother. She did not finish high school.

Now, as cruel as it may seem to be to drag out someone else's sorrows, can you see that you are so much better off? Working on your master's degree. My gosh, I am envious!

I wish you success in your efforts to lose weight and get fit, and with parenting and education/career and whatever else is going to boost your confidence back to where it belongs.

Sunday, December 16, 2007, 6:14 PM

OP here... I really appreciate all the feedback. Yes I see that I am better off than some, but really can't see my way out of the depression yet. I wish that I could just feel that "click" to help make my situation better and start making better choices. I wish I felt like I could do this and look normal again. I am so frustrated. This is my log to myself today. This is my head all day long... Very tough. Thanks for the supportive comments and feedback. I am hoping it will help in time.

Sooooo f'in fat. I can't look in the mirror. I am so ugly. I felt like I looked okay but then really looking at myself after I took a few pics just for "fun" to see how others really see me. OMG its bad bad bad. I am so ugly. Got to do something. Don't even recognize my face anymore under all the fat. It's really bad. :(

Monday, December 17, 2007, 9:23 PM

baby steps... one at a a time.. don't get overwhelmed... make a few guidelines, stick to them and then make more. once you start to se results it will give yu teh motivation to go on.

I did this and I am there now. I lOVE IT. I wanted to hide in a closet until all the weight was off. Thats impossible so just start to chip away.... it will happen if you work at it. It will!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007, 11:12 AM

I was in a similar situation as well and the key for me was taking care of my depression. I couldn't even begin to make better choices about anything in my life until I was in regular therapy and was on medication (disclaimer: medication is not for everyone, but I definitely needed it and it's helped me a great deal). That's when I felt that "click" you speak of. I didn't need food to cope and I had energy to exercise, and I've been losing ever since!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007, 12:15 PM

Even in your post there are things you should feel proud of. You are working full time to support you and your child/children, your also going to school to make a better life for yourself, that is setting a great example for your kids. When you start feeling better about yourself you will meet a man. But in the meantime, take this opportunity to find yourself, who you are without a man defining you, what you want. This should be the best time of your life. You are single and making changes for your future, enjoy yourself. Once you learn to enjoy you things will start happening for you. First get out of this funk and remember having a man in your life doesn't define you as a woman.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007, 7:39 PM

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