OT: Inability to Get Over It

I am still angry about something that happened several years ago. At the time, it ruined a (what I thought to be) amazing relationship. But it also set the stage for a rekindled, and obviously better, relationship that I am currently in.

The problem is that the person that caused the big commotion is the person that I'm really angry with, and I cannot let it go. She lives far away, so it's not like I deal with her that much. But with nonsense like MySpace out there, it makes it really hard to ignore her existence even from hundreds of miles away.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to hold a grudge, but she's such an awful person that I can't help it. And I will have to deal with her in the future (once or twice a year, I visit my best friend, who for some reason still associates with her). When I see her (which has only happened a few times since the incident), it's so hard for me not to punch her in her smug little face. I don't know how to let this go.

Has anyone else had a problem with ridiculous grudges against people that shouldn't matter? And if so, have you gotten over it? How?

Thu. Nov 29, 8:28am

I think we all at sometime in our lives go through this. This person hurt you emotionally and that is what is hard to accept. There are going to be rude, hurtful and mean people in this world. I think maybe what is keeping it kindled is you haven't let go of those feelings by either writing it all down excactly what you would say to her or you just haven't confronted her about the incident. I personally would write it all down then I would actually take the time the next time I was in the area and actually invite her for coffee and just tell her (don't put her on the defensive because this will only create more of a problem) place it with "I" words, such as: "I wanted us meet today because I need to put some closure to xyz" then let her know "I felt betrayed, angry at you when xyz happened. You just have to be prepared that she may not even remember what she did in the first place but, confronting it is the first step for you to heal the hurt.

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 9:14 AM

Sounds like you're putting a disproportionate amount of blame for your break-up on the girl than on the boy. Rethink that.

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 9:52 AM

I discovered that living well and being secure in myself really makes those encounters much more pleasant. Remember you reap what you sow and if she's that nasty and unpleasant i don't doubt she's sowed quite a bit. Just remain calm and serene in the knowledge that you too are reaping what you sowed - a great relationship and a good life. Living well is truly the best revenge so far as I'm concerned. Anything you could do to her would only lessen the impact of that and make you look as small as her so I'd let things be and just rise above it.

As far as letting things go - when I realize that in spite of any negatively, I love where I am and wouldn't have my life any other way, I realize I have let go. Poison in your heart only poisons you - it hurts no one else, so by letting go of the poison you heal yourself. It doesn't change or excuse what the other person did but it gives you the ability to deal with them on your terms. I'm not saying you have to be buds with them after letting go, but while you still harbor all those bad feelings she has the power to get a reaction out of you and make you feel bad. Get rid of that and you will feel a ton better and remove any power her actions have over your emotions. Best wishes!

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 10:10 AM

buck up, move on and know that you're wasting your time thinking about it, which means she's still getting the best of you. You deserve better than that. We all have things that piss us off or disappoint us. It's how you deal with it that shows your true colors. What color do you want to be?

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 10:44 AM

Think of it this way...she doesn't DESERVE the amount of energy you spend thinking about her!! And feel grateful that she accelerated your finding this new, fabulous relationship!

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 11:17 AM

I'm just like you. I see people because they are still in my social groups and I can't stand it. If you get some clarity and resolution, please don't forget to post it here. I'm still trying to learn how to do this.

Thursday, November 29, 2007, 11:29 AM

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