EMAIL THREAD

Grief

I lost my sister to cancer this week. It doesn't seem real. How do you get through grief?

Sat. Nov 3, 8:27pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain of losing a sibling, however, both of my parents passed when I was in my 20's. It is one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Some days are better than others. At 39 I still grieve, but differently than I did then.

Pray, talk, cry, scream. Do whatever you need and reach out when you need someone. You will get through this.

Saturday, November 3, 2007, 9:29 PM

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my sister. I saw this quote recently:

"I have lost a treasure, such a sister, such a friend as never can have been surpassed. She was the sun of my life, the gilder of every pleasure, the soother of every sorrow; I had not a thought concealed from her, and it is as if I had lost a part of myself."--written by Cassandra Austen in 1817 at the passing of her sister Jane

There are grief support groups out there. My heart aches for you.

Saturday, November 3, 2007, 9:32 PM

The first two months will be like someone ripped out your heart, and it will slowly ebb but the loss will be felt forever. I think that a form of immortality lies within the memory of your sister - keep her alive in your thoughts. Talk to her in your prayers. My deepest condolances.

Below is a lovely collection of grief poems (ignore the ads...).

I really love this poem for times like these. I hope you find it helps:

NATIVE AMERICAN PRAYER
I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still - in each new dawn
~~ Author Unknown ~~

Link

Saturday, November 3, 2007, 10:55 PM

I am so sorry for your loss.
I can't tell you how to get through it. I don't know. It just happens. But I know that looking back over past losses part of it is reaching out, don't be afraid to talk about her. People may be uncertain if they should bring her up in conversation but if you do then I am sure your friends would be more than willing to listen.
Remember the good. Focus on that.
And to the best of your ability, feel. I know it is numbness right now but allow yourself to hurt and to miss her and feel all those feelings. And then remember the good.
We all choose to deal with pain in different ways.
Try not to numb the pain with things that are unhealthy. It only makes it worse for you later.
If you find you cannot get through this without help there are councelors that deal with grieving people all the time. Don't be afraid to reach out to them.
My best to you.

Saturday, November 3, 2007, 10:59 PM

I am so sorry.

Sunday, November 4, 2007, 10:44 AM

I am sorry so for your loss. Nothing can ever replace the bond of a sister. I have lost my father, my grandparents, and several friends. You will grieve forever over it but know in time it does get easier. The grieving changes and you will experience your loss as something else, something different. There were times after my father died that I would wake up in a panic and be so scared that I would forget his voice, his laugh the way he moved, the way he smelled or just his face. This went on for years and then it got easier to talk about him, I cried less and smiled more when I thought About him and how lucky I was to have him in my life the 25 years he was present. And then it dawned on me that I will never forget his voice or smell or laugh or face, that he is always with me. He is a part of me and I see pieces of him in myself, my sister and now even my daughter who will never get to meet this great man who would have been a great grandfather. And how can I ever forget his face? So as I sit here crying over the loss of my father I realize even now even though it is painful after 13 years I can still see, hear and smell him. The memories you have of your sister will always be with you and though you will always grieve for her it will get easier. In years to come you will even start to remember things you didn't even remember before and as the years go by it will get easier. But right now grieve, scream, cry, talk to your loved ones and get some outside support if need be. Sometimes making a connection with an outsider who is going through the same thing is just what you need to start the process of healing.

Again I am so sorry for your loss.

Sunday, November 4, 2007, 11:57 AM

I lost my sister to meningitis. I had just turned 3, she was just short of 1 year old. I barely remember her. Be grateful for the time that you got to share with your sister, and always keep her in your memories!

Monday, November 5, 2007, 3:24 PM

My absolutely wonderful dad died unexpectedly very early this morning. I'm devastated and feel even worse for my Mom. I'm finding comfort from a quote I read when I was a kid,

"Nothing ever dies as long as there is a memory to enfold it and a heart to love it."

Monday, November 5, 2007, 10:58 PM

I'm the OP

I am so sorry. Part of the tragedy, part of the pain comes from watching people you love grieve and cry and in pain. I watch my mother and father grieve for my sister, and their pain is so deep.

Everyone's postings have been so generous and kind. I hope people continue to post quotes and support. I am finding this thread so comforting.

I just listened to my saved voicemails and I had an old saved message from my sister. It was so sad to hear

Monday, November 5, 2007, 11:20 PM

Heartfelt condolences go out to both you OP, and to 10:58. Are you both with family or friends? You shouldn't be alone, even if you feel like shutting yourself away. When my mom died (cancer too), it helped me to busy myself with some commemorative actions. I went through many photos, scanned and edited, and put together some collages. I wrote a letter to her and slipped it into the casket. We made laminated bookmarks with a photo of her and a short poem that we gave to people who attended the visitation/funeral.

Does she have children? Are there things you can think of doing to help them do take some similar actions? When my nephew passed away suddenly (at age 18) his mother gave us some of his hair that we brought with us (and sprinkled on) a place he had always wanted to visit.

Your sister was lucky to have someone who cared as deeply as you do.

Monday, November 5, 2007, 11:32 PM

Grief

I am extremely sorry for your loss. Having lost my dad, suddenly, last summer, I am all-too-familiar with grief. There is no "right" nor "typical" way to deal with your feelings; it is different for everyone.

I was numb for a while, drinking too much, and now find myself crying more often.

I hold no religious convictions, but am a firm believer that there is life beyond this World. Have had some interesting, undeniable signs from my Dad that he is still very much with me. I hope you receive some signs from your sister too.

I'd read some of Sylvia Browne's books before Dad's death, and since his passing, have re-read them, as they bring comfort.

Monday, November 12, 2007, 3:18 PM

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