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Having children vs. Choosing not to have kids

I definitely grew up my whole life thinking I would get married and have the 2.2 kids but as I get older and see how overworked my mommy friends are and get the real deal on what child bearing is all about, I'm not sure it's really for me. I'm in my 30's so I don't have 10 more years to think about it. Yes, I've heard the statement "I wouldn't have it any other way" but I've also seen depression, loneliness, overwhelm. Can you choose not to have children, to go against the society norm and not regret your decision?

Wed. Sep 26, 10:23am

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I'm sure there are many people who choose not to have children and never regret it. I normally tell people to thinking of yourself when your 50, do you think you will regret not having children? You will never once look back and say I wish I never had kids, or I wish I had stopped after my first baby, but the alternative you can look back and regret.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 10:26 AM

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absolutely! if you know now that children are not for you, then don't fall into the peer pressure or the "Social norm" of having children. If you do have children, there's a great possibility that you will be miserable, they will be miserable, and things won't be good. Don't subject yourself of innocent children to that.

I have LOTS of friends who have chosen to not have children and i think it's very noble of them to have made that decision instead of doing what society tells them they should do. everyone one of those friends will tell you that they have been called selfish for not wanting children. i call them smart for knowing better BEFORE they had children.

good luck to you!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 10:26 AM

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I totally agree with you 10:26AM!

I'm one of those people who knows that I am not cut out for parenthood. I realized in my early 20s that I didn't want children and when I met my husband (who is younger than me) he agreed that he wasn't keen on having children either. We got fixed in our late 20s and haven't regretted it.

Just to give you a little more info: we don't hate children at all! He's a school teacher and between us we have 9 nieces and nephews whom we absolutely adore. Not having our own kids makes us able to have more time, money and energy for everyone else's.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:06 AM

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this is the 10:26 poster.

I am SO happy you met someone who shared your view and it is working out for you. again, you recognized this before you had children, which is the biggest step!

here's a though to the OP: i always say this: if the answer is maybe or i don't know, then the answer is NO. if you're not 100% sure you want to have children, then don't do it.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:22 AM

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I'm 30 and likely not going to have children. I just don't think they would fit in with my temperment, lifestyle, or interests. Selfish, yes. But way better than having children and not being 100% comitted to raising them...which is what I believe people who have children should be.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:42 AM

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you could become a foster parent and test the waters while also providing a home for an already-born child that needs help. you could volunteer some hours at a nursery school or developmental program for children. if your biggest worry is "going against the society norm" and following your instincts, then i would say that you're not ready to bring a new child into your world. i mean, if you find yourself living the way you perceive others would like you to live, you might not have a strong grasp on what YOU want and what YOU expect from yourself. this would be a difficult time to have a baby, whose needs are going to have to come first for a long time!! when will you be you?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:42 AM

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This is an interesting topic. I mean I'm only 21, but I've been thinking about this lately. I know it's too early to think about this but I'm the type who likes to thinks too much into the future lol! I've never really been one of those young girls who thought about how many kids they want and what names they'll give them and even up to now. Also, I really don't know if I could deal with a child (giving it your full attention and making sacrifices) and it seems like if you have kids and take some time off, you'll have to work your way back career wise. Finally, I have looked back and seen how much my mom has put herself through as being a mom, working, and taking care of the household. It's a lot of work! I feel like there is this societal pressure that women must have children or else they may be missing something. It's not fair. This is not to say that I do not want kids, but if I do, I may just adopt. I feel like there are so many kids out there who need homes and this world is being over-populated.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:54 AM

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Never before in the history of our planet have women had the CHOICE to not have children. Control over our reproductive systems is an absolutely amazing phenominon. I feel blessed to live in a day and age where I may make a concious and thoughful decision over whether or not I should be a parent.

I decided that I shouldn't. I don't hate or dislike children, but I also don't have the temperament to raise one. Best wishes to you in your choices, and remember the best thing is that you can chose not only 'if', but also 'when'.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 12:15 PM

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My husband and I have chosen not to have children (we've been married almost 11 years). I don't have the mothering instinct, so to me it would be selfish to try to bring one into the world.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 12:19 PM

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11:06 - you are very lucky. The hardest part about choosing not to have children is to find someone who feels the same way because this phenomenon is just not that common (probably a good thing for survival of the species, lol). Men are all convinced we all secretly want children, and I've found that darn near all men eventually want children.

I'm a very nurturing person with one of those "fertility godess" shapes (nice way to say chubby hourglass), so it's an easy assumption that I want to be a mother and that I'd be really good at it. But I don't. I'm just one big mixed signal I guess.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 12:23 PM

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i totally agree with going the adoption route!! or foster-parenting!! in this day and age of "being green", recycling everything from bottle caps to tires, it only makes sense to "reduce, reuse and recycle" the already born children who need our help!!! "children are our most valuable resources" is said time and time agian to further agendas that require long-term investments. why not apply the same mantra to building up the lives of children who are challenged with financially, psychologically, emotionally or developmentally -strapped families? or those with no one to call "family" at all? i have never felt that which is termed "motherly instinct" or felt a need to nurture. i will never give birth (it is still a choice!). but i am willing to help provide assistance to a child who needs it. i donate gifts and food throughout the year to shelters and i donate my time when i can. there are ways to contribute to a child's rearing without having to do the rearing yourself!! oh, and about the conforming-to-society's expectations---screw expectations!! do what makes you feel alive. that's what i think life is all about. for some, children make them feel alive and worthy. for me, hiking the white mountain range with no one in sight and no noises other than those which nature produces makes me feel alive. follow your heart!!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 12:24 PM

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12:24- I like what you said about recycling. Raising a child in America is the worse thing that could be done for the environment since we use more of the world's resources than anyone else.
I decided a long time ago I would never have children and my husband feels the same way. We enjoy our nieces and nephews but it's nice to know someone else is responsible for them at the end of the day.
As I've grown older, sometimes I get a bit of a twinge and wish that I had wanted children, but that twinge is usually gone within a day or two. Some people have said, "who will take care of you when you're old?" As if having a child is a guarantee of a nursemaid when I'm old??!! Hardly!
When I was younger and rude people I'd just met would ask why I was going this unnatural route and not having children, I'd just respond with, "Well, this world doesn't have an UNDER population problem, now does it?" That always shut them up.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 1:20 PM

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I'm 29 and don't want children. I love kids, and have several nieces and nephews who I enjoy spending time with, but at the end of the day, I'm exhausted, glad they are going home and happy to get back to my routine.

People may call it selfish, but I think it's more selfish to have kids for the wrong reasons. People should only bring children into this world if they truly desire them and not just because everyone else is doing it. Kids aren't a novelty. Your whole life will change if you have them and you have to be ready and willing for that change.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 2:42 PM

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I didn't really want children until I was 37 and missed my period. I thought I was pregnant and when I realized I was not I was terribly disappointed. I also realized how much I love my husband and how it would be nice for us to have our own children. It came out of blue.

I have met many people, older parents, who said they never wanted children, but when it did happen to them, the took it as best thing ever happened to them.
Don't have children if you are not emotinaly ready, but never say never, don't go and have your tubes tied or do anythign stupid like that.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 3:20 PM

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many women know whether they want kids or not. i find it very offensive when people try to tell me that i may change my mind one day. i mean, that's like telling someone who's wanted to be a mother forever that she may decide to abort her pregnancy when it finally happens. other peoples' experiences have no bearing on my personal, individual feelings / instinct regarding becoming a mother.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 4:06 PM

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11:06 here. 3:20, I have to disagree with you.

Speaking for myself and several other childfree couples that I know, the decision to not have children takes a lot of discussion and thought. It isn't a reflection of our emotional maturity (or lack there of) that led us to decide that children weren't in our future.

Additionally, having your tubes tied is not a decision that can be made lightly. Tubal ligation is surgery, and in my case, we had to meet several times with our doctors to be sure that it was the right move for us.

In your opinion, a tubal might be a stupid idea, but for us, it was the right idea.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 5:43 PM

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I am 50, married and never had children. I am a pediatric nurse, my husband works in a school for special needs students. Our life is filled with children though none live with us. We are committed to putting our 3 God-daughters through college. We have nieces and nephews. Being childless, teenagers from our friends or school have flocked to us. We are grown ups with the "cool toys". Our home is not someplace they can come and forget about rules but we are sometimes a sounding board. It is enough for us.

I never thought I would have children. Having grown up in an alcoholic home, I was afraid I would repeat the same mistakes my parents made. I realize now I would have been a better parent but I am at peace with my decision. There are enough children in my life.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 5:53 PM

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I'm a mother of 2. I never doubted that I wanted kids.

Let me just say that I have several friends who have decided not to have kids and they are the BEST! They are always willing to babysit in an emergency and my kids love them. I like knowing that my kids have someone "cool" to talk to when they need support from an adult. (naturally parents are not cool). I also like that my kids can see from their lives that not everyone needs to have kids to be "complete." I'm sure there are days when they wish they had had kids, but there are also days when I wish I hadn't :)

My friends may have chosen not to have kids of their own, but they have certainly helped raise many in our community, mine included, and I am SO appreciative!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007, 11:53 PM

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I can really only speak to my own experience.

I wasn't excited about having children, but they were a spiritual choice for me. I struggled, I was overwhelmed, I was exhausted and miserable. Yes.

I also experienced more growth than with any other single thing in my entire life. I was far more selfish when I decided to have children than I am now. Raising them has made me better.

And oh, they are so beautiful. They are 18, 15, 11, and 7. They do idiotic things and make me want to tear my hair out. They scare me with the possibilities of really big mistakes.

I can't imagine being without them. Just thinking about it--not about losing them now, but about missing out on them because of how I felt then--gives me a crushing feeling.

I am very, very grateful that I was living as I was in a very family-oriented subculture when I had that decision to make. I'm profoundly grateful to have been influenced by it. I'm glad I had the family I had no idea I wanted. It's been worth it for me. Right now I'm seeing my eldest's smile in my mind. Man, I love that kid.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 12:12 AM

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what comes with parenthood is this constant worry and dread that something can happen to your child and it would destroy you... its so powerful and can hurt so much... in saying that.. I would NEVER trade my kids to not feel that. But on the other hand, childless couples have a freedom - not just that they can do whatever they want .... but this ache we have for our children is absent and can lead to more care-free life.

In my case, I wouldn't have it any other way because I've always known I wanted kids but with people who are unsure, its better to just live your life and enjoy every moment of the freedom. Our lives are a direct result of the choices we have made. I made my choice and would neever regret it. As I am sure a childless couple, by choice, would never regret.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 2:24 AM

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I have kids -

2 kids. Had them in my 30s, they are elementary school age.

I adore them, but as 2:24 am said - it's a harsh and painful love at times, loving someone so much that grows apart from you every second.

It's wonderful. It's gutwrenching.

I wouldn't have it any other way, but recognize that for many people not having kids works just fine for them.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 10:31 AM

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Hey guys-I just wanted to congratulate us all on having a polite, adult conversation here. It's really nice to see each other's honest opinions and experiences without the nastiness that pops in sometimes. kudos! Let's continue that from now on!

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 11:44 AM

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I'm amazed reading this thread at how many people are choosing not to have kids - or maybe it's just those people who are choosing to respond to this thread! I know very few people (actually I can't think of anyone off hand) that are intentionally choosing to have no children. Some aren't because they can't, but not intentionally.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 12:24 PM

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I knew when I was very young that I did not want children. I dressed my baby dolls up as adults. When we were asked, in 2nd grade, to draw our future selves as we imagined, everyone else drew themselves, their future spouse, their future kids and pets out in front of a colonial-style house. I drew myself alone in front of an A-frame and the teacher called my parents!!

Now I'm all grown up, I don't have an A-frame (but I still think they're cool), I live by myself and I am perfectly happy that way. I've also been involved as a coach for other people's children, babysat friends' children tons, etc., so it's not as if I live in a vacuum.

So anyway, OP, I don't know if this was a "choice" -- I was just born this way. But I don't have a lot of problems stemming from going against the societal norm -- really the only one used to be at my old workplace where everyone assumed that I must not have anything to do besides fill in for them when they had kid-activities. But you know, if you explain to people that you have other responsibilities yourself, they realize it's an incorrect assumption.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 1:33 PM

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"can you go against the society norm and not regret your decision"? Only you will be able to control that. It's not wise to have a child "just because that's what everyone else is doing". What you decide to do is up to you and only you will choose to regret it or not.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 2:41 PM

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My husband and I are childfree by choice and I know many, many single women and couples who have chosen not to have children.

There's even a social group for people like us called No Kidding. We're not anti-children, we just made the conscious decision to not have kids.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 2:56 PM

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I also knew from a very young age that I didn't want kids, and like many others, I had to listen to "Oh you'll change your mind one day". I am 38 happily married to a man who doesn't want kids. We are very happy with our decision, and I know I will never have any regrets.
I admit I think babies are icky, todllers are frustrating, children are annoying, and teenagers are well .....enough said.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 6:55 PM

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My husband and I married because we didn't want children and we make sure that it doesn't happen. I'll just be honest I am very selfish and value my own time and so does my husband. We have to dogs and they are our kids. We love to travel and spend money and kids would get in the way of that. I'm just not the maternal type and either is my husband and we love it! We've had the fights with family members because they don't understand why we chose not to have kids. They have finally given up on asking when we are going to change our minds. For us no kids is the way to go.

Thursday, September 27, 2007, 8:41 PM

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Wow lots of responses. I also have two resources for you if you want to be able to do more of a dialogue about the choices you have before you. When I was 30, I was unsure and wanted to weigh out both possibilties. At first I could only find books that either said "congratulations on your decision to be a parent" or "that's right, you don't need children to define yourself as a woman" Neither fit me. One book is called "Baby...Maybe?" It was written in the 70's and is a great way to explore your feelings and lifestyle in thinking about having a child. The second book was written in the last 10 years and is called the Parenthood decision. In fact when I looked it up on Amazon, other books in the similar vein also came up so you have even more choices now. Good luck! You will do the right thing!

Friday, September 28, 2007, 1:22 AM

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I'm not understanding why the people who are choosing not to have any children are calling themselves selfish. Or being called that by other people.
Bringing a child into the world who is unwanted simply to conform to what other people decide are normal is what I would consider to be selfish.

Friday, September 28, 2007, 1:08 PM

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Before I had my child, I was kind of indifferent. I said out loud that I wanted kids, I suppose to go with society's expectation, but inside, it didn't really matter to me. When I got pregnant with my son, a BIG surprise, at first I felt like my life was over. But then a calm came over me and I realized my life wasn't over, it was just starting a whole new chapter. I've never been that great with kids, but having my son now has brought out the maternal mama in me! I have not only amazed myself, but those who new me before child. It came natural to me and believe me, that is a huge shocker!

Whether you chose to have children or not is your decision. Don't worry about society and don't worry about whether you have it in you, that just can't be answered.

This is a really interesting thread!

Friday, September 28, 2007, 1:15 PM

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could not be happier with my 15 year old, 12 year old and 4 year old, the greatest gifts of my life. Hard? yes sometimes it is challenging, but nothing has been more rewarding.

Friday, September 28, 2007, 9:35 PM

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my childfree life has also been nothing but rewarding. when my friends with children find themselves (or when i think they're) burnt-out, i am able to babysit and give the folks a chance to recupe and reconnect. with 5 dear frinds who are parents, i am around children a lot. but i also never get that brunt-out myself. i never felt a desire to be a birth-mother. in fact, i've always, as long as i can remember, desired to NOT BE a birth-mother, to look for an alternate way to be involved in a child's life while not being in charge of it. kudos to all of us who follow our own voice in pursuit of our dreams!!

Monday, October 01, 2007, 9:18 AM

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I have a very vain & self absorbed co worker who says she will never get pregnant because she doesn't want to damage her body and lose her fabulous shape. She said her hubby wants kids and thinks they are trying to get pregnant but she's getting some kind of birth control shots every 3 months on the sly. What a loser!

Monday, October 01, 2007, 9:07 PM

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Let me clarify. I don't think she's a loser for not wanting to get pregnant. She's a major loser for lying to her husband about wanting to get pregnant and taking birth control that he doesn't know about.

Monday, October 01, 2007, 9:09 PM

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To 11:22 AM poster

I believe you are correct to some extent, but I'll change your wording.

You said that if you aren't 100% sure you want to have kids, then you shouldn't have them.

I totally disagree, because if I had used that logic, or 99.9% of everyone out there had used it, then children would be a very rare commodity indeed! Was I 100% sure I wanted my son before he was born? HELL NO. I was scared to death and doubted every move I made. I didn't think I was ready and WASN'T if you want to get right down to it.

However, the actual act of bringing him into the world and raising him MADE ME what I am today. You see, deciding to become a parent and then actually becoming one is kind of like trying a food you think you won't like. How can you say you don't like it if you've never tasted it? The only way you ever know is by grabbing a fork and taking a bite.

So here is my addendum to your words. If you aren't REASONABLY sure that you'll be a GOOD parent, don't become one. You don't have to be a "perfect parent". You can make mistakes. Kids will survive if you aren't physically or emotionally abusing them. If you think you can give a child your love and care for that child like you would yourself, then you ARE cut out to be a parent. If you are able to share your time with a child, even if it is just an hour or two of quality time a day, then you CAN be a good parent.

But I'll stress again...there is noone on God's green Earth who is 100% sure about being a parent before they actually become one. The best thing someone faced with this question can do is become a youth counselor at a church, a nanny for a relative, a kid's sports coach, or a volunteer at the YMCA or something like that where exposure to children will give you some idea as to how you can handle them.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007, 3:45 PM

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I am 47 years old and have NEVER regretted the choice not to have kids. I knew since I was a teenager that I didn't want children and have never changed my mind. I love the personal freedom to pursue all the things I wanted to, whether small or large, without taking into account any kids that would impede my plans.

But again, as so many have stated on this message board before, it is a PERSONAL choice whether one wants kids or not. I see many people who enjoy their kids and willing to make the sacrifices for them to ensure the quality of their lives. That is awesome!! If you know you want kids, and are willing to put forth the time, energy and finances to do it, again, that's great. However, people like me who do not want them are NOT selfish, irresponsible, products of dysfunctional families, crazy, etc. Thinking in that manner is not only wrong and untrue, it reflects stupidity and a narrow-minded bias that we should ALL think alike. Sorry, but that just isn't so......

Happiness is found in having kids, and not having kids, dependent soley upon each of us, whichever the path we choose to take...:)

Sunday, October 07, 2007, 4:36 AM

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I know people who have chosen not to have children and then there is myself who has never had a choice.
I grew up knowing I would have kids and lots of them. I adore them and I have none. I am in my early 40's and time is about up and it is a constant ache that I most likely will never live my lifelong desire.
I do recognize that to have children you give up a part of yourself and your life, if you are going to give them everything they need. And for those who are excellent parents I commend you.
Now on the other hand for those who choose not to have children, I support that decision as well. If you don't want children then that is the last thing you should do. I do not think it has anything to do with selfishness but knowing your mind or your make up.
I don't think there is any right answer that works for everyone. I think what is right for you only you will know and you shouldn't have to answer to those who disagree.

There have been a lot of interesting points brought up here, I appreciate your openness.

Monday, October 08, 2007, 12:58 AM

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why are there so many silly topics like this on Pt when we should be talking about ways to eat healthy and trim fat?

Monday, October 08, 2007, 1:39 PM

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Honestly you should know if you want kids and can't let anyone tell you that you should or shouldn't,period!

Is it a lot of work? Yes Is it worth it? To me it is everything.

I had a child early,I was 19.There is not a day that goes by that I regret it.Your outlook on life will totally change and there are no words to describe the feeling of truly caring for someone more than you do yourself.Yes if you are married you care for you spouce but they are your equal,a child is totally different.

Make sure you put a lot of thought into having kids so you don't make a mistake or have regrets.....

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 2:42 AM

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Your choice - if you want to wait, wait it out. I had been told since I was 13 because of some medical "female" problems that I would never have kids - what a surprise I got!... I didn't want kids at the time but only becuase I had been conditioned that way. He's a great blessing and had gotten me through a lot and made me more responsible - however; having said that, there are times when I wish that I didn't have the responsibility but don't get me wrong, I love him very much and it's been a joy to watch him grow into a man - -

What is boils down to is I have friends who are still having kids (I'm in my 40's) and I have friends who don't have any kids and won't be. I have some who have 1 and some who have 6 - your choice and your friends are your friends, they will support you no matter what. Those who make rude comments don't know you and should be ignored.

Put it off for a few years if you don't have that desire - things change and you will change, but follow your own lead - either way - good luck on this decision!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 8:50 AM

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Of course you can. Society doesn't tell you you HAVE to have children. In fact I always find it admirable that people who know they don't want children don't actually have children. I have children and though I love them to death and wouldn't take any of it back, its a lot of work and a lot of giving up what you want in life. Your whole lifestyle changes as well as your time. I think anyone woman who knows they don't want kids shouldn't have them.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 12:31 PM

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I am turning 32 in December and my hubby and I chose not to have kids for the time being. We are currently working out our issues and we feel like this is not the type of environment we want to raise kids in. We constantly fight and I think kids would complicate things more. havings kids is a personal choice and not a requirement. I think you should do what makes sense to you most.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007, 12:35 PM

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A thought on who is responding...

(those who have kids probably aren't online as much)
So may not respond to this thread.
I wouldn't use it as a statistic sample.

I have not had kids yet. I'm 35 and know that I"m the 'old' parent at the PTO meetings already - if i were to have one. My wife is 27. We're both christian and come from BIG families.

I know deep down inside i can see myself as a parent and so does she. We know time revolves around her capacity. But we dont know when... we know its not now. I hope we don't get forced into a last moment decision (ie well its now or never.) To me that says i probably want one. But we consistently say not yet. ...but when.

We live in a single bedroom apt in LA i dont see myself advancing beyond my current career level. The couple next to us just had a kid and roughly the same demographic. (Except they live in a 2 bd barely scraping by like us.)

Other friends of ours either already have them or are having them.

I know if we were to get a suprise it would be Gods will and I would embrace it. But if we're given the question, i say not yet and she agrees. We just like to go to the store without a master plan. We watch the couple next door and they cant go anywhere or do anything without 'consulting' the baby.

Is that selfish - i don't know - but i don't think so.

I agree with whomever above said its 100% or you shouldn't but i also think it may not be a good indicator. Think of how many families had suprises and they have the best kids, and the best circumstances. my parents included. They MADE it happen.

As for me - i'm in limbo. For a decisive person such as myself - its a rare place to be.

Monday, November 09, 2009, 11:33 AM

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11:33 - us old folks are the norm in my town! There are no young parents!

Monday, November 09, 2009, 2:20 PM

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Ecologically speaking, since our species has stressed the planet to its limits, it would be both progressive and socially responsible for people to decide to have only 1-2 children, or none at all. With 1-2 children, you are only replacing yourself and your partner, and thereby not increasing the population from a generational perspective. If you opt to have no children, you are doing your part to reduce the strain on the planet, by reducing the global population.

In my personal philosphy, the most selfish individuals are those who insist upon maximizing the potential that their genetic lineages will persist, by having more than 2 children.

Monday, November 09, 2009, 3:50 PM

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Do what is right for you.

We can regret or have second thoughts on many major decisions in our lives. Did I get married too young, did I pick the right career, did I have kids when I was too old. Did I marry the wrong person....etc.

I am married and have two kids. I go back and forth on when is the right time to have kids. I will never pressure my kids to get married or have kids. I will guide them through college, career choices and being independent financially. Marriage and kids is great but it can really mess things up if you do not do it right or if you don't want that.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009, 11:03 AM

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I'm pretty sure my mom regretted having all of us. At least, she blamed us for all her problems, especially being overweight. Nothing boosts self esteem like knowing you're wanted, and nothing kills it like knowing you're not. I still struggle with abandonment issues in my 40s and my oldest sister still cusses out my mom for unresolved issues (mom died in her 50s). I had a baby and placed her in an open adoption. My oldest sister had an abortion. My middle sister is 50, recently married and is trying to have a baby. Go figure.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009, 12:59 PM

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My family has a history of reproductive health issues. My maternal grandmother had thirteen kids and only eight survived past childhood, my paternal grandmother had eight children and only three survived past childhood, my mother almost died while having me... so for me, the whole kid thing is just not worth the heartache. I've never had the whole maternal instinct thing, anyway. Luckily I'm married to a man who loves me and wants to be with my regardless.

As an above poster said, do what's right for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having children, especially at this point in the evolutionary game.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009, 10:19 PM

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Ooops, be with me* regardless. Excuse any other typos, ladies, I have the flu :(

Wednesday, November 11, 2009, 10:20 PM

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