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mother in law woes

Who here has a good relationship with their mother-in-law? I have to see mine all the time and it would be great if we actually got along.

Fri. Sep 14, 3:22pm

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I love my MIL too. Amazing woman. If my MIL was more like my mother was too me then I would have a problem, but my MIL is one of the most open minded, happiest people I have ever met. I truly enjoy her company!!!

Friday, September 14, 2007, 3:56 PM

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My So and I and share a triple decker house with his mom. She has the first floor, rent the second, we have the third. We see a LOT of her.

When I first moved in it was bliss and I didn't notice. Once I got comfortable, it was super irritating as she had almost no boundaries with our space...e.g. walking in totally unannounced when I was sitting in the living room in a towel and face mask! I think actually she started talking about this with her therapist and together they set some guidelines, now she RARELY comes up without calling or invitation. However, I still see her everyday and sometimes wish I didn't. Being clear about boundaries helps, invitations are key, and having a positive attitude is important. For example, though for her it would be major heaven to go on a family vacation together. I draw the line. It is her privilage to see us everyday, I don't need to go on a vacation with her. That wouldnt be a vacation for me.

Again, the good attitude is key. This woman is in your life, perhaps takes care of your kids, and loves you and your husband. She may bake you treats, pick up your packages, lend you an egg, drive you to the airport, etc. She shoudl be appreciated for all of those things and more. You may see too much of her because she loves you. You may see too much of her cause she is lonely. Figure out what it is and draw boundaries. Work with your partner to establish guidelines about visits, etc. Having a bad relationship with a MIL seems unbearably frustrating and unhappy. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Friday, September 14, 2007, 4:04 PM

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I love mine to bits as well. amazing lady Im blest to have a mom and a mum I love whole heartedly.

Friday, September 14, 2007, 6:09 PM

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I don't have a MIL yet, but I've watched my mom and my brother's wife start to develop their relationship. My mom has opinions and likes to share them. Unfortunately, she wasn't reading my SIL's boundaries very well. I have pulled my mom over a few times and suggested she back off, which I can do in a way that my SIL can't (yet). I try to point out ot my mom that SIL isn't her daughter and that it takes time to develop a relationship.

Based on this experience, my advice is to 1. understand MIL wants to be part of yours and your husband's life. 2. enlist the advice of your husband about how to deal with MIL, 3. enlist the help of any of her other children you feel close to. All children have learned how to handle their parents' quirks, and 4. Learn to communicate your boundaries to her.

Good luck!

Saturday, September 15, 2007, 9:18 AM

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Right now, I'd say we have no relationship. She really needs to get some help, but she thinks she is ok. That is a whole different story.
I haven't seen her or talked to her since May? We used to live just a few miles away, we just moved the end of June about 900 miles away. The distance hasn't made things any better. DH has seen her maybe twice since May and he does talk to her a few times a week. Although he says all she talks about is herself, never asks how we are.
She kept skipping all family events / holidays. She doesn't even send cards or anything for holidays., but excpects to get gifts for everything. She got mad that I sent our niece a 1st halloween card last year and she doesn't get one. She didn't remember to wrap Christmas gifts when she was having all of over for Christmas this past year. I could go on and on. Yes, I'm greatfull she gave birth to my DH and I'm sure she could be a wonderful person, but she needs some help.

Saturday, September 15, 2007, 10:15 AM

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I had a great relationship with my MIL until we had kids and then it got rocky for awhile. It was really hard to work out the grandparent role with her. Now that she has backed off and is not trying to be the mom instead of the grandma we get a long a lot better.

Sunday, September 16, 2007, 2:52 PM

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My MIL is great, a very interesting lady with some amazing stories. She has said many times how lucky her son is to have me. That I'm a saint and he better appreciate me.

Sunday, September 16, 2007, 6:53 PM

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Hate the bitch.

Sunday, September 16, 2007, 7:03 PM

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I really like my MIL most of the time. She's a kick.
HOWEVER in my first year of marriage, I had totally bought into the idea that I was an important member of the family, blah blah, and then my husband freaked out a bit and tried to leave the marriage.
While all HIS friends were telling me he was completely crazy and making a terrible mistake, MIL's opinion was basically "oh well, as long as he's happy." I was supremely disappointed in her lack of support for the marriage.
Now 7 years later I get along with her great, but I hold myself in reserve. When she says she loves me, I don't say it back.

Sunday, September 16, 2007, 8:03 PM

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I like mine for the most part, but I am rather wary of her after hearing the way she talks about some of the other in-laws behind their backs. I realize that by keeping my distance I may be inviting the same thing, but she seems to do it regardless of whether or not she's close to them. I really, really don't like people talking behind other people's backs and it bugs me that she does this. My family didn't do this as my mother can't stand gossipers, and I guess I can't either. We live 1500 miles apart and our contact is pretty limited though, so it's not usually an issue.

Sunday, September 16, 2007, 9:59 PM

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I wish I still had my MIL in my life. She was a dear friend, and sacrificed for her children so much. She died in 1986 and I miss her so much. I think MIL's get a bum rap for the most part. As people age, they need the love that they have always given so freely. I know some are not so good, but I can't speak for them.

Sunday, September 16, 2007, 10:13 PM

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