Swingers

Saw a someone on here that said they use to be swingers. Wondering if anyone out here is?
I know of a great couple who is into swinging and want to know some details about how they got into it. But don't want them to think we are ready for it.
I'm sure this subject will set off a lot of different views...I'm ready to hear them!

Thu. Aug 16, 2:28pm

I would love to try it, but my hubby would divorce me for even saying that! I think your marriage needs to be open and trusting before you get into it. I think the divorce rate would be lower if people were more open with multiple partners.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 2:34 PM

I, on the other hand, would completely leave my BF if he suggested it. But I know he never would, because he feels the same way. I am very territorial, and believe that a "swinger" relationship is not a relationship at all. I know some may disagree, but to me, it is like a friendship with benefits. Best friends, who don't mind if the other person sleeps with other people. I think that a true marriage, or relationship, revolves around the premise that you are with that person and that person only.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 2:42 PM

2:34
Subsitute the word "wife" for your word "hubby" and you've got my opinion!

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 2:43 PM

Just had a thought. If a woman was looking for a man to have sex with.... would his ahem "physical attribute" wink-wink play a part??

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 2:51 PM

Oh, spot the ManPerv on the thread...

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 2:51 PM

I am totally against it. I feel a marriage is meant for 2 people, not multiple partners. If you turely love your wife/husband why would you want to bring others into your "intimate" time? I just don't get it. Maybe I am just old-fashioned!

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 2:55 PM

2:43

this is 2:34--funny isn't it. I don't consider it a sacrafice that I can't explore an option that is completely sexy in my opinion, but wish my hubby would be more open to trying other things than the norm. if you find a way to bring it up, let me know. i guess i am way more open minded than most women. hell, he gets mad if i suggest movies.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 3:38 PM

2:34
This is 2:43 here. Sounds like you and I should get together! lol

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 3:43 PM

i agree with 2:55- i don't want another man because i am in love with and totally satisified with mine. I have a lump in my stomach even thinking about sex with another man, let alone knowing my boyfriend was having sex with another woman.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:04 PM

Wow

I think if i were in a relationship and i wasnt in love, it might not bother me that much, but if we made vows to love eachother, there is no way i could stomach watching my man with another woman. the evil green beast would be all over me. Especially if it looked like he was enjoying her more than me!

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:13 PM

2:34 here. I think with most women (not myself), we tend to NOT separate sex from love. To me, they are two very different entities. I don't feel i need to have sex to say I love you. I need to have sex because it feels good to me and I can make someone else feel good--without the need to drag love into it. I've got a huge list of things that show love, sex isn't one of them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with sex being an expression of love, please don't think that's what I am saying.

People are different. I wish these conversations would have come up before I got married, but they didn't and I'm ok with my situation. I know my hubby would NEVER EVER think of me the same way if I brought it up.

I don't think anyone should judge another for their opinion--which ever way their opinion "swings".

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:15 PM

i find it very difficult to have unrestrained sex with any man i have ever actually loved. sex and love are not united within me.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:19 PM

Awww Hell to the Naw

I agree that everyone is different and has their own feelings on the subject, but how can you love someone and share them with someone else without catching feelings behind it? How do you react when he/she screams louder with the other person than they do with you? What if it's so good to them, that they begin to carry on an affair behind your back?

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:24 PM

i would think that being in a relationship in which you each can fulfill your sexual needs with others if desired, the people involved would have to have a pretty solid relationship that, perhaps, didn't revolve around sex. i know that my most intimate relationships were ones in which me & my boyfriend had very little sex, not on purpose but that's how it is when i remember those times. and i've had some of the best sex ever with 'friends" for whom i had no romantic feelings or any desire to share my thoughts and feelings with. sex and intimacy and love are all on different planes in my experiences (so far).

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:29 PM

how would you know how loudly your partner is screaming while having sex w/ someone else? i did not gather from the previous comments that watching was necessarily involved.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:30 PM

2:34 here.

4:29--we're on the same boat.

4:24--your fears are real, which is why that life style isn't ok with you. again, for some people sex and love are two entities. and thus, the open sex life.

remember, no one is gross or disgusting, or pervs for swinging. if it's consentual and everyone's an adult, what's the harm to people who don't like it?

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:37 PM

???

what ever happened to marriage being sacred?

would you allow your neighbor to occupy your house every now and then just for the hell of it? what about your car? your KIDS for that matter? How can you be okay with knowing someone else is all over your lover? If you want to hump around in your youth and experiment with people before you actually fall in love with someone, so be it. but when you tell someone, i love you and only you, and let's take this union between us to another level, you shouldnt be okay with sharing intimate moments with other people.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:45 PM

Anyone watch that new Power of 10 game show? One of their polls asked 1000 married couples if they loved their spouse as much or more than the day they married them. Only 9% said yes. That means 91% feel less love than they did on their wedding day.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:47 PM

so i guess that poll means we should all be swinging then.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:49 PM

I think that in today's times, people rush into marriage. I think this is what leads to wanting more than you have. I also think that some people can never be satisfied with what they have and what they chose - that is why they swing. Maybe they were forced into marriage, or it was expected of them, or other such ciscumstances. I think that never being satisfied is a mental impairment on its own. I'm not belittling swingers, I just think that nothing will make them happy. One day they will look back and think " All this time I have been living with a man/woman that has not satisfied me completely, and all the men/women that came in and out of my life have been long forgotten, when I could have had someone that satisfied me completely, body and soul, instead."
All the time has been wasted, and nothing has been gained. I mean, when it comes down to it, every one's got a penis, and eveyone's got a vagina. Nothing complicated there. Sure, some are bigger, but really they're all the same.

But on another note. If I were swinging, YES I would consider size. Size matters!

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:53 PM

2:34 here

4:45--don't start judging me or anyone else who thinks it's ok. I've expressed MANY times in this thread that people are different and whatever their choice is works for them. And i would appreciate it if you didn't bring CHILDREN into this conversation. If you think they are the same, it's no wonder you can't open your mind long enough to even listen to why people do it or consider sharing their spouse. again, to some people, sex and intimate love are separate.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:54 PM

I think swinging is for out-of-love couples who stay together for the kids. This is coming from someone whose parents were ostracized by their long-term friends for not participating in those 70s "key parties" (for those who don't know, you throw your car keys in a bowl and whichever couple picks them are your sex swap for the night). The women were more pissed about it than the men because apparently many of them had had crushes on my "hottie" dad since they were 12. My mom also remembers one of the women being inconsolable on the couch while her husband was banging his key-swap prize, and she really didn't want to go through with her end of the bargain. All of these people had 1-2 kids under the age of 5 at home.

I also have a friend who, at 17, picked up his parents from a party once and found them kanoodling with other people. He's nearly 40 and still hasn't gotten over it.

I share these second-hand anecdotes to give you some food for thought...

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:55 PM

to 445

not everyone who gets married says the same vows or has the same ideas as you. not every married couple enjoys the sex they have with each other. not every married couple are married so that they can engage in sex with only their partner. no one is condemning the chosen lifestyle of conventional marriages, but we are simply exploring other options. "hump around" is a pretty dergoatory phrase which implies promiscuity and a sleeziness. if you are so offended by the idea, maybe you can read with an open mind the reasons some of us provided for believing this option is a viable one. as has been stated a few times already, i do not equate sex with love and my marriage does not have to include sex (i do not want children) to be a strong, loving, intimate, and committed marriage. it's just that my husband and i have committed to different things than you and your husband.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 4:56 PM

It's not that serious people

If swinging is your thing or not your thing, that's your choice. No one should be judging anyone, we're all just here to talk.

Who knows why people swing? What everyone does is usually for different reasons and we should all respect that. I just hope that anyone who is thinking about swinging or already swinging is using lots of protection. Heck, use protection even if you're not swinging.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 5:00 PM

to 453

seriously, don't jump to conclusions about the different psyches of people who you are lumping together as all the same type of people simply because we share another point of view with regard to love and sex. ignorance just blows me away. educate yourself about the reasons behind other's behavior before judging and pointing fingers about what "should" fulfill them or what their memories of their pasts will be. i am soooo not into the whole idea of conventional marriage or birthing more babies when there are millions already here who need a home, but i am not going to pretend that your reasons for believing in those things are understandable enough to me that i can propose how you will feel about your choices some day down the road. or what regrets you will have. to blindly opine that i am a person who cannot be happy is a crock. it's just that what makes me happy is not the same stuff that makes you happy. happy is relative, and people derive happiness from many diverse sources.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 5:04 PM

4:56

2:34 (and many other posts) here.

THANK YOU for backing me up.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 5:05 PM

First, to each his/her own. I was in the Lifestyle for several years with my then live in BF. I grew up around this in the 70's, too. At first it was fun but the longer I was in it, the lower my self esteem was. Perhaps I do equate sex with maybe not love, but at least caring and good friendship. The men I met in the Lifestyle were out to just "plug holes" as I came to think of it. They didn't care about me at all and I ended up feeling very used. I came to understand my BF was really just a sex addict and I left that life.

My husband was in the Lifestyle before he met me for a few years but ended up hating it. Women have as many partners as they want, men definitely have the short end of the stick and seem to be begging for partners. My husband also equates sex and love too much and couldn't stand seeing his primary partner being kanoodled in front of him. We talked about this at great length before we got married. We will not be rejoining the Lifestyle. Our intimacy, sex, lovemaking and swinging from the chandeliers is now for us alone.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 5:40 PM

If I was into swinging and love had nothing to do with it, yes yes yes size would matter! Since this is based on sex, not a meaningful "real" relationship, he would have to be hot. Why bother if he's old, ugly, fat, bald with a teeny weinie?

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 5:46 PM

I find it so interesting that I was bashed on this board for using Alli, but no on has a problem with swinging.
It doesn't matter what my opinion of swinging is, but I will tell you that I know of 2 married couples that were swingers and are both now divorced.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 7:20 PM

I Love My Husband .....

But I admit, on my side it is more of a voyeurism. I don't want to be with another man, however I have a weird thing about wanting to see my husband with another woman ????

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 7:32 PM

What about a Menage ?

Who has participated in a threesome?

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 7:33 PM

Each to their own I say - what works for you is not always going to be someone elses cup of tea - we should not judge. There is opinion - no rules to life in this case. Enjoy what you enjoy.
My wife is bi-sexual and regrets not following through with it at a younger age. Im not going to tell her that she is wrong for feeling that way. If she wants to do something about it - then we will chat. No going to deny her what I cant give. If it was another man though - thats another question.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 9:07 PM

I think that from my point of view and personal experience that most people that are swinging are not truly happy with the person that they married - just an opinion. 2 examples:

Knew a couple that split up 2 years after marriage and both swung regularly. The girl ended up falling for other guy and they did not swing.

There was a time that I dated a man that was previously married and he and his wife were swingers. After several months of dating me he told me that he knew that he loved me because with his wife he could "sit there and watch some other guy nailing her and it was no problem" but just the thought of some guy touching me made him really upset.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 9:08 PM

As I said - what works for some might not for others.

Thursday, August 16, 2007, 9:54 PM

people break up for all kinds of reasons. maybe swinging was an attempt to save what was already falling apart, not the cause of the problems. this is one of the better threads, if for no reason other than the mature tone of most responses! i like the idea of no penetraion, "soft swinging". sounds cleaner and a lot less risky. as for feeling used or like a piece of meat, i think those feelings may be uncovered when one makes themself vulnerable, but i don't think other people can create those feelings in someone. i think those feelings already existed within the person.

Friday, August 17, 2007, 7:57 AM

IMHO, I think that at some point in time, sex and love MAY become two different things!

Friday, August 17, 2007, 8:03 AM

I am against it, but to each their own. If the both are into-- fine. But, wWhen I hear wedding vows, I hear "faithful". I feel this challenges that.

On the other hand, I do feel "sex" and "making love" are 2 totally different things.

Friday, August 17, 2007, 8:53 AM

if you don't say the conventional vows but instead write your own, you can promise anything you feel is necessary and that you are able to follow through with. the couple getting married may not even say any vows, but just declare that they will take each other into the future. "faithful" can also mean that you remain true to your desires, and if a couple has shared desires, being faithful may mean that they explore all of the ways in which to express their desires. all couples do not get married for the same reasons. all couples do not say the same vows or have the same intentions for their marriages. all couples do not follow the conventional idea of how they are "supposed" to make each other happy.

Friday, August 17, 2007, 9:13 AM

how do you go about swinging?

I'm curious, how do you find other couples that swing? it's so weird to me...do you put an add out on craigslist or something? what's the usual method to finding a swinging couple?

Friday, August 17, 2007, 9:43 AM

You know what? If you are that crazy of a sex fiend, do it before you get married, or don't do it at all!!!!!!!!! I had all my experimentation out of my system (2 guys and me, other couples, etc) then I got married at age 35 and am the happiest I have ever been with ONE man.

Friday, August 17, 2007, 9:55 AM

so your way of life is the best way of life for everyone? why don't you just sit back and enjoy your happy marriage and allow others to enjoy their happy marriages? who cares what you do within your marriage to keep it happy, as long as both people agree about it all? how can you demand that others choose the lifestyle that you have chosen? how can you dictate how others should behave and at what point in their lives they should behave that way (before getting married)?? no one is preaching to people who do not understand or agree with swinging. you are not the ideal i aspire to emulate. your marriage is not what my marriage is modelled on. and i don't care if you're different than me and pursue things that i don't understand the benefit of or reasons for. why do you equate swinging with being a sex fiend? have you ever been a swinger? have you ever been a sex fiend? on what are you basing your conclusions? on illusions and imaginery ideas?

Friday, August 17, 2007, 10:10 AM

Yes, I was a part of the Lifestyle for years and I did notice there seemed to be a high number of sex addicts involved, myself included. I am not a therapist and therefore cannot diagnose so I am using "sex addict" in a very broad sense. Their addiction seemed to be disruptive to their lives, marriages and families. In my much younger days, these groups were also filled with pedophiles and unfortunately, I know that first hand, too.

Friday, August 17, 2007, 12:22 PM

the above is not only using a broad definition for the term addict, but also relying heavily on assumptions to draw conclusions that may or may not be true. of course there are going to be some sex addicts and some perverts, but they exist everywhere and a couple has to carefully evaluate the others they mingle with. it is not an open door to safe sex. you still have to scrutinize and ask questions and do background checks. i personally would never answer an ad, especially one online. it's too hard to filter out the weirdos that way.

Friday, August 17, 2007, 12:32 PM

Interesting subject, one of my favorites. My husband and I both agree that if it wasn't for pregnancy and STD's that we would be open for that. I have always thought it was un-natural for a man and woman to be with only one person forever, I personally find it boring and we are always trying new things to keep the excitement alive. I think women in general don't think that like but secretly I think most women like the thought of a new and exciting relationship. I love my husband and he loves me but the passion, excitement and newness of the relationship, any relationship does wear off. In my wilder, younger days I had many boyfriends and girlfriends and we all slept with each other.

Life is way to short to be tied to one man or woman forever. It even sounds scary. I have been told by many male friends that I am a man's fantasy, lol. Not many women think like me, I guess that could either be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you feel about the subject.

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 2:00 AM

Last poster - Honey, just about every woman is a man's fantasy, whether she's into swinging or not!

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 11:01 AM

I wouldn't do that with my boyfriend as I would not want to see him with anyone else and I know I'm fair to jelous but I can understand why people do, do it.

Your husband doesn't like the suggestio of movies? I think it would suck if you are not both of the same opinion when it comes to what you enjoy in the bedroom. It can still fun and exciting with just the two of you if your hubby opened up to more contoversial ideas. Have you tried talking to him about watching some porn together or doing it in a public place? Something that will excite you both???

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 1:46 PM

11:01 Not true. There are tons of women that don't fall into a mans fantasy. Each man is different in what he wants in a woman, but we do look at tits and ass and face.

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 2:59 PM

Yep, just as there are many men in the swingers world that women wouldn't consider. Small "member"? Forget about it.

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 9:27 PM

I think if you're confident in yourself, the love you have, and your desirability in bed, AND your partner is wholeheartedly into it, there is nothing wrong with swinging. It doesn't have to be a "full swap" where you have sex with another man while he's with another woman....it could just be watching another couple have sex while you do too, or light touching, or maybe having sex between the four of you! And you set the ground rules: if you don't want your husband to have intercourse with the other woman, or he doesn't want you to, that's ok.
I personally think exploring your sexual desires and being open to new experiences is a must in this big world we live in. But you have to be confident and trusting of your partner/spouse. If you're insecure in any way about how committed they are to you or how desirable you are in bed, don't do it. Otherwise I think it's a great way to share a wonderful, sexual experience with the person you will share your life with for the next 50-60 years.

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 10:10 PM

my husband is a wonderful man. he is very thin. I want to be with a very strong big man, so much. I know a man like this and I want to be with him.

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 10:47 PM

To 10:47pm

One of the things I absolutely love about PeerTrainer is that we can support each other in so many ways and this forum allows us to express what we're feeling without fear of exposure. That's awesome.
I would say to you, 10:47pm, to just realize that there's a difference between wanting to have (possibly) an affair and swinging. Some may not feel there's much of a difference, but one (swinging) involves your husband/partner 100%, and the other (affair) is not done with his knowledge at all.
Before you possibly go with the bigger man to fulfill your fantasy, see if there isn't another way to satisfy it without the deceit...would your husband agree to any soft swinging?
I wish you luck, and hope that whatever you choose to do is not harmful to anyone involved.
Wishing you happiness and fulfillment,
I.V.

Saturday, August 18, 2007, 11:11 PM

I believe that we all need to be honest and open with each other. I hide my little secret desire from my first wife - it caused all sorts of inner termoil for me in my own mind. After growing apart for other reasons, I met a wonderful lady, told her everything and we have a great relationship - we dont judge each other, we support and accept each other - honesty is thebest policy!! You will be amased where it gets you!!

Monday, August 20, 2007, 1:47 AM

i guess i dont see the big deal about size! my boyfriend isnt that big but he has never ever failed to keep me satisfied! why does size matter so much to some?

Monday, August 20, 2007, 11:08 AM

why do some prefer blondes? why does anyone prefer anything? it's all a matter of personal preferences, not some single reason.

Monday, August 20, 2007, 11:14 AM

It is what catches your eye that attracts you! Why do some people like balck cars and some red? They are still cars

Monday, August 20, 2007, 8:26 PM

Women have different size preferences just as men do. Some men will only date women with large breasts and aren't interested in women with small breasts. Everyone likes what they likes.

Monday, August 20, 2007, 8:33 PM

Size definitely matters. I was with a man that I was so hot for and when we finally had sex it was awful, I couldn't even feel him inside me, sorry so graphic. After I thought about it I decided to give us a try even though sex is really important to me, figuring he could please me in other ways. After about a month I gave up. He couldn't really please me and it was sort of hard to do anything oral with him which is something I enjoyed, so to most women size does matter. A pencil dick just doesn't cut it, unless your little but thick or vise versa.

Monday, August 20, 2007, 9:03 PM

well, just based on your experience, i don't think it's fair to conclude that "to most women size does matter". and i'll bet the flip side is equally split. for all you know, the guy with the too-small"member" to satisfy you might be wondering why you are so "loose". it all depends on how a person is sexually stimulated, what they're used to, how another matches up with a fantasy, among many other aspects. i don't think we can accurately generalize on this one.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 8:19 AM

As a woman, it's easy to generalize on this one. If I'm going to go outside my relationship and be with someone else, I want the fantasy, that's why I'm doing that right? So I want someone who's hot and "packing". Why try someone who's smaller than my very good sized bf? I'm sure all the hot chicks are snapped up fastest in the swinger community too right? As far as "loose" goes, that's easy for a woman to remedy. kegel exercises!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 10:16 AM

the reasons you give for why you would stray are not necessarily the same reasons others stray. maybe someone else is looking for oral sex that their husband won't provide. or a little role-play, or using toys, or being naked and driving around...or a little "s & m", anyone? it's definitely not always about size.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 10:25 AM

Ladies if your husband isn't open minded enough for oral, role play, toys, etc, he's probably not open minded enough to let you swing. It sounds like you'll need to fix your sex life with you husband first.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 10:46 AM

I am a male, my wife and I are in our early 30's, and been married for two years, I have indirectly bought the idea up to her, but from her intial reaction she was like yuck! I would never imagine myself with another man, and I said I wouldnt to give it a try and that to I shared with a fantasy to be with a older woman who is a like a MILF and is a bit more mature than me and more experienced and she said NO WAY, she needless to say nothing ever happened. But from a males point of view, hell yeah I would try it. Just my two cents

Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 6:39 PM

I know a couple who have been swinging since they met one another and have a happy lifestyle. For both of them to swing, they MUST both agree on the partner the other one is going to be with. I know b/c i was approched by them to swin with them, hehe. I was flattered b/c i liked the guy but my then fieance wouldnt "share me". So, i didnt do it but still wonder what it would have been like........they are into S&M, bondage and role play as well.....
My husband and i have tossed the idea of swining around but eventaull agreed that we arent good at sharing so openly with other people. So, we find other ways to spice things up in bed (or whereever!).

Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 9:26 PM

Swinging is not for everyone - I dont think I would like to share my wife with another man, but she is bi - and if she wanted to be with a women with or without me that is ok - I dont have a problem with that!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 11:58 PM

Monday, August 20, 2007, 9:03 PM and
Tuesday, August 21, 2007, 2:50 PM

Thanks for your honesty!! Your replies confirm my suspicions... that if you're going to go outside the marriage, why be with someone small? I think you know both my length and girth (so I won't repeat them here again). I know my length is considered small or short, but what constitutes a "pencil dick"?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007, 8:52 AM

Related Content: How To Lose Weight- The Basics Weight Watchers Points System The Fat Smash Diet The Eat To Live Diet The Beck Diet Solution How To Get The Motivation To Lose Weight		How To Be Successful Using PEERtrainer How To Burn Fat Online Weight Loss Support- How It Works Does Green Tea Help You Lose Weight? Tips On Using PEERtrainer Visit The PEERtrainer Community Diet and Fitness Resources
Fitness Weight Watchers Meetings Learning To Inspire Others: You Already Are Writing Down Your Daily Workouts Spending Money On A Personal Trainer? How I Became A Marathon Runner		Preventive Health How To Prevent Injuries During Your Workout Flu Season: Should You Take The Flu Shot? Are You Really Ready To Start PEERtrainer? Super Foods That Can Boost Your Energy Reversing Disease Through Nutrition
New Diet and Fitness Articles: Weight Watchers Points Plus How To Adjust Your Body To Exercise New: Weight Watchers Momentum Program New: PEERtrainer Blog Archive Review Of The New Weight Watchers Momentum Program		Weight Loss Motivation by Joshua Wayne: Why Simple Goal Setting Is Not Enough How To Delay Short Term Gratification How To Stay Motivated How To Exercise With A Busy Schedule
Real World Nutrition and Fitness Questions Can Weight Lifting Help You Lose Weight? Are Protein Drinks Safe? Nutrition As Medicine?		Everyday Weight Loss Tips How To Eat Healthy At A Party How To Eat Out And Still Lose Weight The Three Bite Rule Tips On How To Stop A Binge