Why do men think they can say these things to us?

Please tell me if anyone else has gone through this lately... in the past two months TWO yes TWO older men (both kind of like a dad to me) have commented on my weight gain! It would be one thing if they were totally healthy and worked out themselves, but they don't. They could both stand to lose about 30 pounds. So why the hell do they find it okay to make comments about MY weight! Ugh!

But of course I can't help but think they are just saying what everyone else is thinking. Hence, why I'm back on peertrainer.

Tue. Aug 14, 2:12pm

While there is never any excuse for rudeness. Sometimes people who are older feel entitled to speak whatever is on their minds. I'm always amazed by it, but it happens none-the-less.

Congrats for getting back on PT though, it shows your dedication to taking control of the situation before it gets further out of hand.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 2:19 PM

Funny. Older men always make comments to me. I just give them the finger.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 2:22 PM

good job, 2:22. Maybe next time they will think before speaking.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 2:33 PM

Just comment back on their small p*nis size!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 2:52 PM

ew old man p*nis! i just puked in my mouth a little.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 2:54 PM

2:54

I"ve heard they basically look the same old as when young!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 2:59 PM

Just ask them when was the last time they even saw their 'friend', ya'know, between the small size and the stomach.... =P

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 3:55 PM

Old men seem to feel they have the right to make whatever comments they want. When my son was a few months old, one asked me if I was still nursing. I should have told him it was none of his business, but I said no (I had infections and was on major antibiotics and pain meds, so switched to formula.) He asked me why not and gave me this look like I was a terrible person. Oy.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 4:25 PM

Ya know, I am getting a bit tired of the gender comments, why don't you just say people say this to me or people do that instead of using their gender. Older women have commented on my weight when I start to gain, as a matter of fact all groups of people do. I wonder if the mindset of calling out people of opposite gender is because they are the people you are trying to impress the most and feel more offended by them.
~Manurse

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 4:32 PM

When did this site become a man bashing site. I am a woman and I find it insane how rude most comments towards men are.

First the OP didn't say "OLD MEN" she said older, that could mean anything. Second no one bothered to ask who these men were? Are they family or friends? If so perhaps saying something about the weight gain, especially if you gained it quickly was more out of concern then being rude. I find it is much harder to hear something about ourselves coming from friends or family. Maybe they didn't realize just how much it would hurt you to hear it. If in fact it came from complete strangers, which I can't imagine any man saying something like that unless they were YOUNG and IMMATURE, then you should have just looked at them and said something like why on earth would you say that to a stranger, cursing or showing hurt would only give them fuel. But if you just talk to them they are more often going to stop and think about that.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 5:37 PM

I think the bias actually goes the other way. My husband is an elementary school teacher, and therefore works with a lot of women. He is so bewildered why they feel so free to comment about his weight (when it's up), when he wouldn't ever dream of making the same kind of comment to them. I'd bet if he did, they'd be completely shocked.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 5:50 PM

In response to 5:37

I disagree. I have reason to bash men, not for no particular reason, but because of all the harassment they have given me over my life. I am a woman in good shape. A woman never honks the horn of a tractor trailer while driving 10 feet away from you. A woman never screams "want to be my fuck buddy?" out of the wondow of her car. A woman has never stared at my body making me feel so bad that i wanted to jump out of my skin.

Women know how it feels when such a personal thing is commented on, and most men do not. My body, who I am, ME, is attacked and harassed every day. I resort to wearing earphones and blaring music every time i walk outside so as not to hear the nasty comments coming from men. And NO, I do not dress like a hooker (I dress pretty conservatively).

Every morning when I walk to the train station, I see the same man drive by in the same place and wave to me - as if he had been standing outside in his car just waiting for me to walk by. Every morning I have to wonder if he will find out where I live and come to my house and rape me. Every day I have to turn the corner into a different house, and walk through the alley to mine, because I am afraid for my safety. Men can do so much harm to women. And it's not fair. So when a man takes the liberty to look at a woman's body and make a comment that makes her feel bad, afraid, low, scared, embarassed, or hurt, I take deep offense.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 6:36 PM

I think very few people comment on a bodys' weight because they are "concerned". Playing the "concerned" card is just an escape route out of an uncomfortable situation.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 7:07 PM

Men tend to say what they think, where women tend to say what they feel
If there’s truth to what they said then you make a choice whether to do something about it, if there’s no truth to it then shrug it off.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 5:59 AM

My father figure mentioned something similar to me and yes it hurt but I also know it was out of concern for me, My mother has struggled with weight all her life and has several health problems because of it and he sees me putting on weight and knows I could be heading down the same lonely and miserable path if I don’t do something about it now. So in one way you may want to just say thank you because as you put it hence, it brought you back to the site and maybe it wouldn’t hurt to repay the favor and ask if they would like to join and take off the few pounds their packing. Good luck

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 6:10 AM

My dad told me I was getting fat when I was 14, I weighed 115 pounds a 5'6.
I was really skinny. It still hurts to think about it, because it just shows me what a loser he is and how little respect I feel for him.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 9:23 AM

Yes there are those who care and those who are jerks, parents are not immunded to it unfortunately so consider the souce Grieve briefly for their stupidity and do what you need to do

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 10:59 AM

Tues. 6:36

I totally feel ya here! Sometimes I just want to scream & throw things because of the way men act, speak & stare. I could be wearing a burlap sack in the grocery store & some guy will still say something off & gross to me or under his breath. It is not just about being annoyed, it is about feeling threatened. I do not walk around thinking that I am a victim, but it can be hard to strike a balance between being aware of my surroundings & being paranoid. I'm guessing that many men think that women may like the attention, & sometimes that may be true, but like 6:36 said who wants to hear some man yell from a passing car or to be approached while running errands with "Damn, you're looking good girl. How about a smile? Come on, give me that sexy smile."

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 11:49 AM

Too Much Men Bashing

I agree 5:37, 100%.
As for 6:36, maybe if you didn't dress like a skank, and put everything "out there" you wouldn't get your unwarrented attention

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 6:09 PM

Wow, 6:09. That was really ugly. I am not 6:36 but I noticed she said she dressed pretty conservatively. I know why it's good these boards are anonymous but at times like this, I wish they weren't.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 6:18 PM

6:09, this is 11:49. I think that 6:36 mentioned that she actually dresses conservatively. I can speak from experience too, because I am very modestly dressed & get all kinds of attention. Many women feel this way. Men can be very inappropriate...women can be very inappropriate. I'm sure that we could have a discussion about weird things that women say to each other, for sure! I believe the original topic on this thread is why men feel it is okay to approach others & comment about weight/appearance. I gues it feels good to vent to others who might understand that it gets so tiring trying to go about my business with some guys making lewd comments to me... (even in my sweats, after working out, trying to buy groceries).

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 6:22 PM

6:09-
I don't put anything out there, I dress in office-attire as I do for my job. I work for the government. So I do NOT look like a skank.

But I can see why you would say that...you are probably a man....

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 6:23 PM

6:09

6:09pm is definitely a man - probably one of those guys that calls women "dyke" after she rejects his crude come-ons.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007, 9:29 PM

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