off topic- but really stressing me out

things have been really stressful with my boyfriend, and I do *not* need this as I try to take care of my exams. i get so upset when things are tense, and i'll go hours and hours without eating which makes me tired and lethargic...and then i'll get really hungry. but more than the health issues, this makes me sad...

i had good reason to believe that my BF was going to propose (we've been together for over 4 years, lived together for 1.5), and i think he changed his mind at some point a few weeks ago...ever since he's been acting so antagonistic, hyper-reactive and difficult. :( i really can't deal!!! :( he's become sort of like a child. we had a disagreement, and he suggested that he should move out based on a few hours' contemplation....then two days later, he was back to "i love you, you're the best!!!"

we went through a really tough period several months ago, went to a couples' counselor, and came out of it stronger, and feeling like we were a team, partners, going to get through everything together. i refuse to put myself through months of stress again....

did anyone else's spouse/fiance start acting like a psycho before s/he proposed?

Thu. Dec 15, 2:59pm

Don't worry

Unless the conflicts you have had were major, I would chalk it up to him being nervous about committment and wondering if you really are the right one. My bf did the exact same thing as he matured and we have really grown up together, but I definitely wanted to leave him or punch him or both when he would act that way, as if him being afraid of acting onhis feelings was my fault.

WELL its NOT your fault. I find that when he would act that way and I felt at my witts end (this only works if he really is acting like a child and you have little to no fault), I would remove myself emotionally from the situation and come back after a while and explain -like an obsever- what you have witnessed in his behavior. Explain the specific chain of events and how it appeared- with as little gusto and emotion as possible. Don't make it a blame situation just tell him so he is aware of what he is doing. Then guage his response and say pointedly and not snootily- "It hurt/upset me when you said/did that".

Remember that actions and conflicts are percieved differently by all parties involved- truth is ususally truth for one, but forgivness and communication can be shared. Try to forget about right and wrong and focus on feelings, actions, and solutions.

If he admits to the wrong or aplogizes DROP IT. Move on and thank him don't make him sorry he said sorry!

Good luck!

Thursday, December 15, 2005, 3:30 PM

Don't make any big life decisions around or during exam time. That goes for your bf, too! Somehow, breakups (and for the faculty, decisions to divorce) always seem to happen at the end of the semester. If you're stressed and he's acting weird, just concentrate on your exams and give him some space, then come back to it when you're both finished for the semester.

Thursday, December 15, 2005, 5:45 PM

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