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hate when people heavier than me tell me that i dont need to lose weight and should go away

i hate this to no end. i come to peer trainer for support, not for criticism. just because my starting weight is not that high in comparison to most people on here doesn't mean that i don't have weight goals, that i don't want to learn to eat healthier and have a healthier lifestyle, and that i don't need support too. it's not only annoying, but downright rude, ignorant, and selfish to say those things. i know it's easy to think "oh i wish she'd shut up, she doesn't need to look weight, i mean look at me!! why is SHE here?" but look at what you're're so wrapped up in yourself that you forgot other people have just as legitimate issues as your own.

i'm sick of justifying myself to all of you out there that do this to me.

Sun. Jul 29, 9:59am

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*i meant loose not look weight

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 10:00 AM

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Do you mean lose, not loose or look?

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 1:10 PM

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LOL, don'tcha just hate it when you're trying to make a point and you goof up....twice! Take 'er easy there OP. Choose to look at the insensitive comments as encouragement that you are not as bad off as some - and find a new group.

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 2:33 PM

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It shouldn't matter how much (or how little) you weigh! Just ignore those people... they probably just don't feel like they can identify with you and they're frustrated because they have a lot further (probably) to go with their weight loss than you do!

Good luck to you.

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 2:43 PM

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Back in my VERY skinny days, I was naturally thin and never did or ate anything healthy. When I expressed a desire to eat healthier or exercise, I definitely got a lot of eye rolling and "shut up, you're so thin." Nobody wanted to hear me explain that I just wanted to be healthier, not try to be thinner.

Health is like knowledge... I don't ever want to get to a point where I say "Okay, I'm done." Right now it's 30 pounds I want to lose, when I get there I hope I keep pushing myself to try new types of exercises, new foods, new adventures. Otherwise I'm just settling for "good enough".

So I agree with the last couple of posters... If it's your group, find a new one that can support you where you are (as I hope you do for the people who are further away from their goals), and just ignore others' insecurities!

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 2:53 PM

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Me and some girls started a group for girls who want to lose weight but weigh 130 lbs or less. I think our group is full now but you could start a similiar group. You just need to be with people who get where you are coming from.

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 5:28 PM

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You are so right, MANY people associate thinness with healthy-ness. They are not equal. Much in the same way that a bit overweight equals unhealthy-ness. Many thin people I know eat SO unhealthily (either starve themselves and/or eat junk food) and get NO exercise.

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 8:09 PM

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Does anyone remember the anorexic lady who was here and complaining about the same thing long ago?

Personally, I think people usually focus on weight too much. Many skinny people don't need to lose weight, but may need to increase cardio strength, build muscle mass, or simply increase over all health.

OP, you might be right, or you might need to refocus your goals. But really, this is an internet forum... you can't expect everyone to accomodate you...

Monday, July 30, 2007, 5:18 PM

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Well, given what she wasn't eating, and how much she was exercising, and her height and her weight, she was anorexic or a physiological miracle. And it wasn't me who made the judgement on her- it was her group members who she was being honest with (for a time).

So no, I'm not some "know-it-all lady" I'm a person who has a memory of events and mentioned it. Sounds like you weren't around then, so you probably aren't able to answer the question I asked, and perhaps should go for a walk or a run cuz you obviously have some pent up anger that needs to be burned off...

Tuesday, July 31, 2007, 9:18 PM

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9:03 I just read through the past few comments and I don't think 5:18 was trying to be a "physican", just making a point.

You need to settle down a little bit and not take things so seriously. You can't come to this site and take it so personal. They don't know you and you don't know us.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 1:27 PM

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of course you would think so. you can never have a civil converstion on this site.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 3:54 PM

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Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 4:27 PM

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I think both the OP and the 9:03 need to quit letting things bother them so much. This is a public forum- they can't expect everyone to agree with them all the time.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 7:32 PM

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well put?? the OP (who's probably also the 9:03) essentially ranted on with fragmented jumpy sentences. That's not well put. Even if she had a valid point, it certainly didn't come out as "well put."

Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 7:41 PM

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I don't believe the OP and 9:03 poster is the same person. The OP seems to have a healthy attitude towards weighloss. On the other hand, the 9:03 poster is either a person I was recently in a group with, or someone very much like it, simply put - a very unhealthy person. No, eating 200ccal a day is not fine. No, overexercising at the same time also isn't. Thinking your are not an anoretic? Well, I'd give that a serious doubt. Saying it's more of a mental problem? I think you've got exactly that.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007, 8:42 PM

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Hee, hee, hee. You guys are giving me a good laugh!!

Thursday, August 02, 2007, 12:01 AM

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Back to the original question; I agree with the OP. Everyone should remember that one person's struggle to lose 10 lb is just as valid as another person's struggle to lose 100lb. It's all relative; if someone weighs 140lbs and wants to lose some weight, people heavier than them shouldn't belitttle them for that. Does a person weighing 200lb feel thin because there are some people out there who weigh 300lb? No. So why should a person weighing 140lb be made to feel that they are less entitled to be here than people who weigh 200lb?

Thursday, August 02, 2007, 7:42 AM

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You have a point, but the OP didn't make that specific point.

Op said *her weight isn't as high comparitively- she didn't say how much. The thread title said people shouldn't tell her she doesn't need to lose weight. Personally, I don't think any 5'0 person who weighs 100lbs, NEEDS to lose weight. They may still want to and need to learn to eat healthier, have a healthier lifestyle, and may need support to do so- as the Op mentioned. They may need to firm up, to change body composition, to increase cario-respiratory or cardio vascular endurance, but they will not NEED to lose weight.

Now, that doesn't give others the right to be rude, demeaning, belittling, or dismissive, but they are certainly entitled to voice their opinion that the 5'0 100lb person doesn't need to lose weight.

The Op obviously was venting, because she didn't provide any information that could permit anyone to have an informed opinion about the matter- so how we can say the OP is right, or "has a healthy attitude" is beyond me. The Op may have a valid point, or it may be that she would be better off focusing on a different health and wellness goal than "weight loss". Without more information, I don't think any of can judge her experience or adequately comment on her complaint.

*her is an assumption I'm making.

Thursday, August 02, 2007, 9:41 PM

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OP, I understand where you're coming from. I'm short with a very slight frame so I sound underweight on paper but my fat percentage is quite high. I used to post on another forum and learned not to disclose my weight to anyone. It seemed to make a lot of other members resent me and they wouldn't give me any support at all, they would either be curt with me or try to talk me into gaining weight, and would not accept my support either. I only started disclosing my fat percentage after that.

Friday, August 03, 2007, 12:01 AM

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No one should be belittled or looked down upon for feeling uncomfortable in their body - one thing that we all have in common is the knowledge of how horrible it feels to be dissatisfied with oneself. What gives anyone on here the right to claim that any other person does not have the right to feel that dissatisfaction?

And in regards to eating disorders.... there are plenty in the population. But it doesn't mean anyone needs to refer to people as "that anorexic woman" or "that bulimic man" or "that binge-eating person" - those people are still people, who have the same insecurities and the same dissatisfaction to deal with every single day. It's terribly rude to reduce them to merely a label rather than to consider them as a whole, feeling person.... would anyone like it if they were only ever referred to as "that overweight woman/that fat woman/that (etc etc etc) man"?

Friday, August 03, 2007, 12:41 AM

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Hi, I'm the OP (and not 9:03...). I guess I could give my stats to make it more informative. I'm 5'1" and 120 pounds. I don't think that I'm "obese" or "hugely overweight," that I can't live with myself at this weight, or any of those. But I am very very small framed (asian) so 120 pounds is a lot on me. Plus as someone who did athletics for nearly 10 years before stopping for school, I know that I'm not at my healthiest. I do think that losing maybe 10 pounds by eating healthier and being more active would be better for my health in the long run. But when it comes to needing support and the motivation to be healthier, it doesn't matter if you're 300lbs or 100lbs. It is just as hard for me to drag my 120lb ass to the gym as it is for anyone else. It's just as hard for me to convince myself that I should eat my vegetables instead of a nice double churned ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle cone. And I was under the impression that this was what peertrainer was for -- a support group that gives you hope when you're feeling depressed, helps you stay on track with encouragement, and gives you that well needed kick in the butt when you're feeilng lazy. What I did not expect but have come across time and time again is a lot of mean and angry comments from people telling me that I shouldn't be here, that my presence is somehow putting them down and insulting them (what?!), that I couldn't possibly understand wanting to lose weight, and that I should flat out go away.

And just because I can see why you're angry, doesn't mean I think that its justified but since it's your opinion and you're allowed to have that and express it, then I suppose I'm also allowed to start a thread venting about how rude and ignorant I think it is to put me down simply because I don't have as far to go. I'm proud of myself for stepping up to the plate early and telilng myself to get the support to be healthy while it's not yet that far a journey to go.

Thanks to everyone who's shown me support on this thread. I really truly appreciate it and wish you all of you (the lovers and the haters) good luck.

Monday, August 06, 2007, 11:20 AM

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I agree with you on a lot of what you said, but there is a huge difference socially being overweight by 10lbs and being overweight by 200lbs. So yes, it's just as hard for you to stick to a program, but I doubt your being made fun of or criticised if you cheat or just because of your weight. 90lbs ago if a small person (small to me) said they wanted to lose weight I would (jokingly) tell them to shutup. Now I'm the small person who wants to lose more and I get that reaction. I just didn't want you to make it sound like the struggles to lose 10 or 100lbs are the same. They're not, but both are difficult and important.

No matter how much weight you have to lose, no one has the right to be rude, so I'm sorry for that.

Good luck with your last 10!

Monday, August 06, 2007, 1:13 PM

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