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I need major help

Hi. I need any sort of advice anyone can give me. I'm really struggling with staying consistent with diet. Well, it's not a diet for me; it's a lifestyle change that I am trying to stay on. I'm not depriving myself, rather sticking to 1800-2000 calories for right now. The problem is that I can't seem to stay on it. After a few weeks I just get off it. Nothing seems to motivate me to really do something. Not fat pictures of myself, not the fact that I look awful in my clothes, not that I hate feeling and looking this way...nothing! I feel like my life revolves around food. I've always been a big eater, an emotional eater. I don't know what to do. Whenever I control my eating, I'm constantly thinking about food. Also, I only have about 20 pounds to lose. I mean I've seen people on this site who have lost a tremendous amount of weight, and I can't seem to lose 10!

Thanks for any advice.

Mon. Jul 23, 8:47pm

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My biggest piece of advice is to focus on the positives. Whenever you listed things that you have that don't motivate you, they are all negatives. Instead of using the fact that you look awful in your clothes, why not focus on how much healthier you'll feel. Or how much further you'll be able to run or how much more energy you'll have. Or, if you're motivated by clothes, go pick out an outfit that you'd love to go out in and work towards looking great in it. Some positive goal should help you stick to your plan. Best of luck to you!

Monday, July 23, 2007, 8:55 PM

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My advice would be: try 'being good' for 21 days. That's when the habit forms. Just tell yourself, it's only 21 days when I won't eat x, y, z. And keep through it. Then, maybe on the 22nd morning you'll wake up and won't really want those x, y, z anymore that much. I don't know, just try.

Monday, July 23, 2007, 9:01 PM

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I need major help

instead of feeling deprived and out of control, try rewarding yourself for success. Start with short times and give yourself something special to eat as a reward for being good.

For example: If i stay under 1800 calories today, I can have this 100 calorie thing i want for an evening snack. This still keeps you in your goal range. Or maybe: If i meet all my goals for this week, I can have one meal on sunday with no counting or worrying.

Small goals like this with food rewards help you feel like you are successful and also stave off the feeling that you are missing something you want.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 1:25 AM

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I don't really have any advice for you. I just think it is good that you keep trying. I am sure there is someone here who knows what to say.

I don't know what else to say. I am just relieved to hear there is someone else out there who needs to lose 20 pounds and finds it difficult.

Another emotional eater.


Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 1:33 AM

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maybe if you try logging not just what you're eating on pt but the time, how you were feeling at that time, how hungry you were at that time and come back and log how you felt after you ate.

be very honest with yourself and do this for a few weeks, whether or not you're eating healthily or not and maybe then you'll start to see a pattern. once you can see what that pattern is then you can start to identify what needs to change and start to have a healthier relationship with food.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 6:38 AM

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Lots of wisdom here...that's what I love about doing this. We all help each other.

Eating is experience with big sensory rewards. Have you looked at this?

You can make the most of this by making at least one meal a day (or more) preparing you food carefully, putting it on a pretty plate and eating either with loved ones or quietly alone as a kind of meditation. Can be as simple as an apple sliced and dusted with cinnamon that you enjoy slowly and quietly (if your life is hyped up all the time and you don't get any peace)...or a cup of high quality coffee or tea you buy at a favorite shop if you spend too much time solo.

Also you can enrich your whole life on a sensory level...favorite soaps, favorite colors, a new top so soft and pretty you love to wear it.

I would suggest stepping into your present life and really appreciate what lies around you. Buy an outfit you love NOW and wear it. Get a good haircut or have your nails done in a fun new color.

Simple pleasures...they add up and may help substitute for emotional eating and ultimately make your life richer so staying on target is something you can do with more ease.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 9:41 AM

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not the OP, but -great advice, 9:41...

Tuesday, July 24, 2007, 10:22 PM

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OP here

Thanks so much for all of your input! It means a lot that people care.

I think the biggest issue going on for me that I've realized over the last few years is that I have a void that I fill with food. I think maybe it's loneliness from lack of true friendships over the years. Food is always the thing that I look forward to everday. Perhaps if I can find something else that'll fill that hole it'll help. By the way, I was the one who wrote the "Advice on Friendship" thread. I also think that if by losing the weight (the cardio and weight training is consistent for me), I'll have something to look forward to-- confidence, confidence to be able to meet new people, be able to go shopping again instead of looking for clothes that hide my body lol, etc etc.

Thanks so much for your help!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2007, 2:14 AM

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I do not believe with a 1800-2000 calorie intake per day that you will lose weight. Thought it was to be around 1200 and at the most 1500 to lose weight.

Thursday, July 26, 2007, 9:23 AM

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above poster - maybe if her normal intake is 3000 a day and she goes down to 1800, she will?

How crazy do you have to be to not be able to eat less than 2000 calories a day? And she needs help with that ?? HA!

Thursday, July 26, 2007, 11:13 AM

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To the original poster ...

I apologize for the poor taste exhibited by the previous poster. Ignore people like that.

The person who posted at 0923 suggested that your 1800-1900 kcal/day intake is too high and that you should drop to 1200 kcal/day.

The appropriate intake for any person is based on their height, CURRENT weight, age, sex, level of activity, etc.

To determine the right level for yourself, please consult a health care professional or a medically sound guideline published by a reputable source - not one of the fly-by-nights you see online.

For myself, the recommended daily intake is 1800-1900 kcal/day, and I'm losing one to two pounds a week. When I've lost more weight, that daily intake will also decrease because the number of calories required to sustain my body will decrease as my body's weight decreases.

Thursday, July 26, 2007, 2:50 PM

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2:50, Thanks so much for your support! I don't understand where people get the idea that they must automatically drop down to 1200-1500 cals in order to lose weight, especially if they used to eat wayyyy more, such as myself. For right now, I'm trying to maintain 1800-2000 since my calorie levels have been 2500-3000. When I was consistent in the past, I was losing a pound a week eating 1900-2000! So these ppl don't know what they're talking about. I'm not exactly sure how many calories I should eat. According to the American Cancer Society's website, it says I should eat 1800, while another site says I should eat 2100. I'm still young so I can consume more than older women. Thanks so much! Gosh, I can't believe people can say such things geez.

Thursday, July 26, 2007, 5:40 PM

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OP--I struggle w the same issue. I have gained over 10 lbs in the past yr (which doesn't seems like a lot but I'm only 5'2") & it will not come off...although I always get off track w my diet I know I will have success if I am CONSISTENT. I know what you mean about nothing motivating you. I can I eat (fill in the blank) when I'm so unhappy w how I look & feel? I agree w the 21 day poster. I work @ a gym & we give out 21 day passes on the thought it takes 21 days to form a habit. Maybe we should try it! Thank you everyone for your suggestions. OP you're not alone. Good luck to you!

Thursday, July 26, 2007, 10:53 PM

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OP here. Yeah I'm 5'2 so I know what you mean.

Again, thanks for your responses! I know it's pretty much up to me and committing myself but it's so hard. I know my first post seemed like a pity thread, but I am just so desperate for advice. I really have no one to talk to about my weight/food issues and don't have much support in my life either.

Friday, July 27, 2007, 2:09 PM

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Major Help & Support

Dearest OP, when I read what you share it makes me wonder if you might find help at Overeaters Anonymous. They can offer a lot of help and a lot of support.

I myself went there for a couple of years when I was just out of college -- and feeling very lonely, frustrated about my weight, very discouraged, not able to lose weight (no matter how hard I tried!!), and had no one to talk to about it. Both of my parents were naturally slim, and they were pretty freaked out that one of their children was so horribly fat (I was 30 pounds o.w. at that time.) So, of course, they were not able to be supportive at all in my weight loss.

OA does not have a "required" diet of any kind. It's like PT that way -- each person finds what works best for them. And you could still use PT every day even if you went to OA (of course).

Just one idea. I hope it helps.

Friday, July 27, 2007, 11:16 PM

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I've worked very diligently since early this summer to eat healthy and get enough exercise. I've been losing weight slowly but steadily and haven't struggled too much with out of control eating urges. I'm so determined this time to make this a permanent lifestyle change and not just a weight loss to fit into my smaller clothes.

Last Monday evening, I came home from work so consumed with the desire to eat food I shouldn't have that I couldn't even go to the kitchen to cook my dinner. The kitchen is stocked with healthy foods that I like, but I didn't trust myself to eat too much of a good thing or to dig deeper and start baking a batch of brownies. (no, I can't get those items entirely out of the house because they are appropriate for my family and I'm working to be able to live with those foods in the house.)

Anyway, I was consumed with the craving for foods I shouldn't be eating right now and didn't want anything to do with the healthy foods I had on hand.

I tried to call my best friend to tell her what was going on and ask her to talk me out of the binge I feared was coming, but I couldn't reach her.

I ended up going out to dinner and ate a higher calorie meal than I've been eating lately, but did convince myself to ignore the butter on the table and things like that. I also kept enough control over myself that I ate slowly, savored the meal, and told myself that I wouldn't give into a full blown binge. I'd indulge in this meal, eat it slowly, taste it, and stop eating when I'd had enough. I then WALKED a block to a TCBY and had a small fat-free/sugar-free yogurt. I was able to save myself from an all-out binge followed by physical discomfort and feelings of failure, so it could have been much worse.

I was still unhappy about even this small setback - if only because I am still subject to these overwhelming emotional attachments to food.

The need for someone to check in with when I'm in trouble stayed in my mind all evening and over the next couple days.

I'm usually on PT every day, but couldn't get online for a couple days. When I returned, I found this thread and added one of the responses to the OP.

Tonight, I checked it again and found the post about Overeaters Anonymous.

I've heard of them over the years, and I've seen several mentions on this site, but never knew anything about them.

After reading the post on this thread about them, I decided to visit their site and learn more.

I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes. I think that may be the missing piece of my own battle with compulsive overeating. I've looked up the meetings in my area and plan to attend one this week.

I have the information I need to address the nutrition and exercise aspects of my weight loss. I understand the psychology of overeating. what I've lacked is the support of my peers when I'm in trouble.

Thank you to the person who wrote the post on this thread that sent me to look at OA. You may have just given me another important tool in my personal fight against overeating.

I came back to this site out of support for the OP, yet I've found support for myself.

thank you.

Saturday, July 28, 2007, 12:27 AM

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op here

11:16, yeah actually awhile I jokingly thought to myself that I should join OA. I'm entering into my senior year of college. I think right now I'd feel embarrassed to attend a meeting, especially since I live at home and my family pretty much knows where I go and what I'm doing. I've been seeing a therapist once a month, going on two years now (for anxiety/depression). I've talked to my therapist about my food/weight issues but I don't think she gets it. I'm not necessarily overweight, however, I'm 5'2 and nearing 140 pounds, and I've put on 35 pounds within the last 6 years. Anyway, she says I don't need to lose weight. I guess since I'm petite and wear clothes that disguise my weight she says that. The next time I see her I really want to discuss if I possibly have binge eating disorder because within the past few days, I've read up on it and I have most of the symptoms. By the way, have you been able to resolve your overeating and been able to lose weight? Thanks so much!!

12:27, wow that's a touching story! I'm glad this thread became of such help for you to be able to find a tool to aide you in this food battle.

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 4:57 AM

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i am an emotional eater as well but I have done well this past week and have realized something. I eat when I am alone, because i am afraid of facing situations, people, the outdoors. . the unknown. Eating doesn't solve my problems and not facing my problems getting up and leaving the house I am left alone with my kitchen, appetite, building depression and dissapointment with myself. Don't focus on the food so much, that is our problem. Its not the food. Go out and do something. Leave your house and walk towards the park, hang out on the swings. If your going to make a habit make your focus being active socially, physically and then you'll find yourself eating in the between time and not sitting around waiting for the opportunity for it to "improve" your life. You are not an eater, you eat, but you are a wonderfully versitle person with quirks and interest that you need to explore. I wish you the best. Have a wonderful day.

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 12:22 PM

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op here

12:22, thanks for your response. Your comment is very eye opening for me. I know for me I use food as I guess a void I fill from lack of real, meaningful friendships and support. I feel like I live a full life with the exception of really getting out there and socializing. It's really tough for me, and it makes it even tougher when I feel so insecure about my body. I feel like once I get in shape, I'll be able to really start my life (aka have a social life b/c I feel good about the other areas of my life). However, I can't seem to control my eating (by the way, I'm consistent with my cardio/weight training). Also, I also use food to cope with my anxiety, so that's another area I've been working on, but it's gotten better. I feel like if I had more, meaningful friendships, I probably wouldn't be an emotional eater. I'd have something to look forward to instead of my next meal. Thank you.

Sunday, July 29, 2007, 7:17 PM

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