UGH Men!

Any single females out there just completely tired of dating? I am so frustrated with men right now that I could scream. I hate the fact that I never feel like I can trust again after my divorce. I hate feeling like I may never be the same. I hate feeling like I am just totally broken from it. Looking at people in relationships is not the same. Weddings are awful. Seeing couples at all is just pretty much awful somedays. It is just looking at them wondering how much longer until they divorce too or one of them cheats on the other or they grow old miserable because neither one wants to leave. I feel so cyniccal about love in general and just somehow know I am going to be the old lady who died alone because I can't trust anyone anymore. It sucks. My attitude about love and marriage/relationships sucks and I can't seem to do anything about it. Did anyone ever go through this and get out of it? Its been years and I cannot trust again or feel "normal". If ever I start to trust a little it bites me right in the butt. I hate feeling this way.

Sun. Jul 22, 1:33am

I've been there and it is an awful feeling. I pretty much felt about everything just as you described it. It took awhile, and a lot of work on my part, but I did eventually change my perspective. It does take a lot of work to come to terms with betrayal, divorce, etc. and you have to look at yourself - not just the other person. One thing I do know - as long as you're waiting for the other shoe to drop - you'll never be disappointed - it will drop. What I found to be most helpful was to focus on ME - things to develop who I wanted to be as a person (vs. how to keep a guy.) I became a more interesting, engaged person. As a result I became more confident, and I realized I didn't NEED a relationship - when that happens you realize you can handle anything. I don't know if that makes sense, but know that I've been there and now I'm in love, confident, and trusting (in myself to handle whatever happens.)

Sunday, July 22, 2007, 10:42 AM

Nah, I'm still stuck there after 7 years. I can't think of a single healthy marriage amongst my friends, families, or work folks. I can count the number of dates I've been on in that time period on one hand with fingers to spare and I used to blame it on fat but now I realize it's experience-induced pessimism. I just can't deal with that whole waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop thing, because goddamn it, it's always a doozie and I can't stand the disappointment, as much in him as in my own judgment.

Good luck finding your way out of the quicksand.

Sunday, July 22, 2007, 2:51 PM

Don't give up ther are some good guys still out there!

Monday, July 23, 2007, 2:01 AM

Trust me on this one- it isn't just UGH, MEN!- it's UGH, ALL people suck.

When my wife left me (for another woman- talk about getting crushed) I spent 6 years simply not dating- avoiding women, seeing every flaw and every quirk as a sign that this woman is just going to crush me like the last one did. Every relationship I saw was flawed and doomed and I just KNEW they were all going to fail.

The plus side of this was spending the time to rebuild myself and my sense of self-worth, to not define myself as lacking because i wasn't part of a couple, and to realize that there's a big difference between being lonely and being alone. I really got to know myself, learned how to keep myself entertained without someone else, leaned how to enjoy life alone.

After a while, I let myself open up again, I started to trust again and I felt like I could date again. after a few false starts and a bunch of good old fashioned bad dates, I met a woman, we fell in love, we got married and we're having a baby.

If you're in that cynical place, maybe it's a good idea to just stop dating for a while, take some time for yourself until you don't feel hurt or cynical.

Monday, July 23, 2007, 11:04 AM

Sometimes it is what you are looking for in a man that is wrong not that men suck (or women for that reason). Most of us have a vision of what our mate is about, sometimes this vision is the most of our problem. It can go either way, you can be looking for someone who looks great on paper i.e - tall, handsome, good job, healthy in spirt and body, and yet he can be the worse thing that happend to you. Sometimes it is better to be with someone who you have fun with than someone who looks great on paper but with whose personality you crash. After being cynical about men for a while, I am now in a very happy, healthy relationship (7 years now) with someone that 10 years earlier I wouldn't have considered because he didn't fit some of my critera. And I didn't settle, quite the contrary, it is just that before I was stupid and didn't know how great being in relationship can be.
Good luck to you.

Monday, July 23, 2007, 1:52 PM

stay strong ladies and gentlemen! my friend always tell me that "there is a lid for every pot". you just haven't found the right fit.

Monday, July 23, 2007, 4:44 PM

People tend to date in patterns and if you keep dating men that cheat, lie, etc. then the common variable is YOU. Try exploring yourself and why you keep seeking out people that treat you this way. Not saying it's your fault or anything but people do tend to date the same "type" over and over again.

For the poster that doesn't know any good marriages - you know, I've really made an effort to stop judging other people's relationships. People need different things and just because their relationship (filtered through your eyes) isn't what YOU want, it doesn't mean that it isn't working for them.

Monday, July 23, 2007, 5:36 PM

I love the lid for every pot analogy. :)

Monday, July 23, 2007, 6:10 PM

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