Not a weight loss question

But any suggestions how to be more forthcoming? How to tell people what you are really thinking and what and where are you hurting??
I think its time for me to end a friendship of more than 5 yrs but I simply dont have the courage to tell this to my concerned friend.
I might be at faults too if I knew what's going on in her mind, but I am really in no mood to talk it out. Its no use I feel and the gap is widening.
I dont want to be mean to her as I know she hardly has any friends other than me, but does that mean that I have to carry this burden all along?

Wed. Dec 7, 2:27am

Can you just see your friend less and less? If would be helpful to have more information and details about your friendship. If someone is being abusive then that's a deal-breaker, but if you just feel you don't have anything in common, I don't see a need to make an abrupt break. Good luck!

Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 5:00 AM

OP here.
She is abusive at times and I am getting emotionally strained. I think I like your idea of fading this away. I dont think I can handle a deal-breaker.
the fact is that I do care for her but I think she is getting a bit raspy with me. She takes too many liberties and I think she has become very very criticial of me.. I find that annoying particularly at times when I am not in the best of my moods

Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 5:20 AM

Bless your heart! I am going through almost the same and I was just about to post this here.
Who needs friends who cannot be supportive and are actually a nag?!

Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 6:00 AM

No. Cut the negativity out of your life, but do it in a graceful way where the door can be left open down the road. Get very busy, make other plans. She will get the hint.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 7:09 AM

You mention that she doesn't have any other friends, that's probably because of her abusive behavior. You can do her a favor (although she might now see it that way now) by writing her a gentle note explaining that you need to take a break from the realationship because of her critical attitude. Perhaps this will encourage her to look at her behavior and make some positive changes.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 1:02 PM

Is it fair to either of you for you to carry this around and not communicate it? Granted I am a confrontational person (pls note that confrontation need not be angry, tactless or hurtful) so when I have a problem with someone in my life I ...talk.... to them about it. If they are unresponsive, negative, or just generally in denial I don't take it any further and that's when I take action to distance myself, however they may be having issues that you need to be aware of too, or may not realize that they've fallen into this behavior pattern. There may be things I do to cause their behavior - this stuff is rarely one-sided.

If she's really a friend then why not talk to her? If you really don't want to - then time to ask yourself what kind of friend you are, what kind of friend she is, and why you are in this relationship. I don't mean for that to come out harshly - I mean that this is a time when you need to evaluate yourself and why/how you relate to others. We are generally in relationships for some reason, why her? and what do you both get from the friendship?

Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 1:57 PM

Don't forget...

We must all take responsibility for sticking up for ourselves. The moment your friend - or any person for that matter - says or does something to you that is inappropriate, you owe it to yourself and them to speak up at that very moment. You can gently, diplomatically say "please do not talk to me like that" or "why would you say something like that to me?" Taking liberties with your friendship is manipulative and hurtful and you deserve better! Good luck, it's tough at first, but you will feel empowered by taking action.

Wednesday, December 7, 2005, 7:40 PM

Thankyu everyone. No I didnt take anything harshly and I will see if I can try to talk to her about it.
Its not that we havent spoken about it earlier, and she herself admits that she is a nag at times. She doesnt spare anyone from her criticism which I think is a bit too much. People dont tell her upfront how they dont like her talking like that, but she does make them feel uncomfy.

Thursday, December 8, 2005, 12:40 AM

Thanks for giving us more information; that helps a lot. One suggestion for when you talk to her is to use lots of "I" statements - like "I feel uncomfortable when you...." and the like. You deserve to draw boundaries and to protect yourself from behaviour that is hurtful. Whether she can change or not is out of your control, but you can control whether or not you participate in this relationship. She may become defensive, it's a natural reaction, but remeber; you deserve people in your life who love you and treat you well. Take good care of yourself.

Thursday, December 8, 2005, 5:17 AM

OP here again.
Thanks to everyone who responded. I feel so much better.
I was being self-evaluative as well, whether I am doing the right thing and what kind of a friend am I really. Your responses have helped me realise that the one thing I am living for is, MYSELF. And I dont need people who cannot love me for me.
Everyone has their shortcomings, but to laugh at them and taunt them at every opporutniy is not what I expect from my "friends"
Thankyou everyone. Reallly apprecite your help

Thursday, December 8, 2005, 11:26 PM

Thats a better and a positive approach. I think though you could help your friend out by telling her what is making you grow away from her. She might not have other friends but she can make new ones if she mends her ways.
As far as you are concerned, probably she didnt realise that she was being critical and perhaps she was actually showing her concern to you.
So all the best. Talk it out with her

Friday, December 9, 2005, 2:35 AM

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