O.T. Personal

Where to start with this...My husband and I are coming up on our 1st year anniversary. After beginning our relationship four and a half years ago, our once fun & passionate sex life has fizzled. Of course, there have been a variety of stressful events in our lives that could dampen desires. Mainly, right now, I just do not feel the fire. I began taking anti-anxiety medication last summer & it has surely affect my sex drive. The medication is REALLY helping me get a handle on my anxiety & depression issues after MANY years of trying to cope & change my behaviors naturally. I really feel like the medication helps to change a physical & chemical inbalance & do not want to stop taking the meds yet. While my husband & I are very affectionate with each other & we both find each other very attractive--- I just feel all that sexy or "turned on". We cannot continue like this though, because as you can imagine, it is important to communicate on a sexual & intimate level. I LOVE my husband & want him to feel sexy & appreciated. Has anyone with anxiety & depressive issues found a way to deal with this medication side effect? I want my passionate sex back!!! Thank you for your kind & understanding responses !

Tue. Jun 26, 8:59am

Sometimes you have to work at creating the right environment. It is more about connecting than anything else.
Try a bath with nice smelling bath oil, candles and rose petals, music and wine. Of course lingerie is always good, it doesn't need to be trampy - sometimes wearing something silky can put you in the right mood. Massage oils (for both of you) take your turns, and if you are still having difficulty getting going try K Y warming tingle gel.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 9:11 AM

My husband and I get stuck in ruts where it's the same old, same old over and over again. I found the best way to change things up is to talk to him and tell him how I feel. We just had a talk last friday about how to improve things, and we had a weekend of great sex. Try having an honest discussion with your husband and tell him how you're feeling. I'm sure he'll be willing to do anything to improve the situation for both of you.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 9:39 AM

Sometimes it's hard to get into the mood unless you get into 'it'. Yep - even if I'm not feelin' it I'll just go with the affectionate mood and then, even though I was sure that i wasn't in the mood - I find myself enjoying things immensely. However that's not always the case in which case I usually take care of things for my husband - either with a 'complete' massage or orally. Something that really helps though is when he backs off and I get the chance to seduce him! When it's more my idea and not him snuggling up in the hopes that it'll lead to something (cause his drive is higher than mine and it's hard to be in the mood when you feel pressured all the time) I'm much more likely to feel mischevious. We've both had to work on open communication to make sure both of us are having our need for physical contact and intimacy met.

Other things that help.....
*Getting a good nights sleep - regularly
*Being in shape (pilates has really helped my ability to control those lower ab muscles and I'm less self-concious and more likely to feel like sex if I feel good about myself)
*Talking - go for a walk with him and just talk
*Dating - plan a regular time to be alone and romantic together
*Self-awareness - the more you know what pleases you, the more you can ask for it, so make sure to take the time to really explore each other's bodies.

Although it's not directly comparable I went through a period of several months after an accident where we couldn't have sex and once I got back on the road to health it was hard getting back into it (plus I was nervous about the effect it would have on me physically), but with time, patience, exploration and perseverance we have our sex life back and it's worth the effort. Keep putting effort into it, but don't force things too much - Best wishes!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 10:17 AM

Have you talked with your doctor about looking at other meds? I'm not really a success story because my sex drive has been diminished for ages because of meds, but I know that it is worth it to see what other options there are for you.....

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 11:50 AM

Talk your doctor about alternate drugs. There are many different types of drugs that treat the same or similar conditions.

Also, plenty of exercise might help and it might also boost the positive effects of the medication.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 12:25 PM

Similar Problem

I have been dating and living with my boyfriend for almost 9 months now and the other day I was really upset about our sex life. When he asked me what was wrong I told him that I was tired of having to ask him for sex. I want him to initiate it once in a while and to show he is interested. He said he understood and that he would be more affectionate and suprise me once in a while. Since that talk he has barely touched me. I feel gross like he has completely lost all interest in me. The few times he has teased me or touched me he stopped once I was turned on and whent to sleep or watched TV. Is this him just being cruel???

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 12:26 PM

Yes - The same thing happened to me

My libido was null after taking anti-anxiety meds. I did not want that to happen for the sake of our relationship (I've been married 14 years)... so my doc switched my medication.

I had fabulous results with the new med... but over the past year my doc has increased the dosage because my stress/anxiety levels had gone up dramatically. On the low dosage, I had no sexual problems or libido problems. Now on this higher dosage, I have my sex drive -- but I cannot climax. It is awful! I mentioned this to my doctor and she didn't want to reduce the meds... so I am switching to someone different to get another opinion.

I guess my suggestion would be to talk to your doctor. There are lots of different kinds of meds out there -- each one can affect you differently. Not all anti-depression or anti-anxiety meds will hurt your sex life. And you are right for being concerned.

Hope that helps!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 7:20 PM

OP

Thank you everyone, for your great responses, help & advice. I guess I need to schedule an appointment...I hate the thought of switching my meds again...the ups & downs & different side effects...but I'm guessing that may be necessary. I'm just feeling so down & frustrated about all of this!
Thank you all.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007, 7:42 PM

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