Excuses men give when lying II

Ok, lets assume for a second that everyone lies. What I *meant* to ask was "how do you know when a guy is lying to you?" I ask for the reason that I think I am being cheated on. He is so smooth though, this is just a gut. he is even being nicer to me than normal. My thinking is that others have some insight.

Thu. Jun 21, 1:57pm

look, if someone is being deliberately deceitful you're not going to be able to "think" the truth out of that person. keep your integrity intact and open up the lines of communication with your man. ask him things like, "have you been being extra nice to me on purpose lately?"; "are you satisfied with our relationship?"; "are you cheating on me?"

different people have different "tells" that can help identify a lie. that's what makes poker so challenging. i wouldn't get caught up in trying to identify your man's "tell", just be upfront about your feelings and set the right example.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 2:05 PM

If you think he is...

From my experience when I feel like my man is cheating, there is a 90% chance he is. The other 10% is that he's at least doing something he doesn't want me to know about.
I hate feeling like this. At this point I don't play any games, I don't do any detective work, I just ask straight-up. It's simply a matter of choosing to believe him or not. If you don't, put some space between you and go about your business, until either he admits to cheating or until your suspension subsides.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 2:17 PM

If you think you're being cheated on, you've got 2 possibilities-

One: You are being cheated on and you'll have trouble trusting this person ever again.

Two: You are not being cheated on but something about this person makes you not trust them.

The question isn't how do you tell if someone is lying to you, but what do you do if they are, and what do you do if they aren't? Once you think someone's cheating, it's hard to trust them anymore...

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 2:19 PM

Three: You're paranoid and should seek counseling for whatever issues you have going on that make you feel that way.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:14 PM

Trust your internal radar - it will rarely steer you wrong

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:17 PM

The 2:19 poster makes some great points.

It's no fun to have the focus of your thoughts be dishonest behavior because that means you are caught in a loop of negativity. If you can't escape those feelings with this guy then it's probably not the relationship you want. It's really hard to have that point of view when you're in the relationship so maybe try a little get-away without him for awhile and think about what you want out of the relationship and what is it that causes you to doubt.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:18 PM

yeah, for sure. if you are not emotionally healthy and if you have real insecurity issues, why are you even pursuing a serious relationship now? people need to get a grip on themselves before trying to grab onto someone else. i don't understand the whole concept of getting serious with a person before you trust that person. what is the big rush? take the time to establish certain underlying basics for a healthy relationship, such as: trust, open communication, respect and loyalty.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:28 PM

uh yeah

if you have a gut feeling, and if he's being extra nice to you, I'd say yes. The same thing happened to me. But I can't say that is true in your case because I don't know all the details. I just know what happened to me and it wasn't pretty. I hope it's not the case with you.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:38 PM

i'd rather be single and occassionally lonely than be a psycho, jealous, suspicious girlfriend. you obviously are not happy with the relationship if you suspect he's cheating, so why not break it off?

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:45 PM

I have learned from experience. There was a time when I thought my husband was cheating on me. I over examined everything he did and convinced myself that he was indeed cheating. I never had cold hard facts, just my intuition. Now, female intuition is strong and everyone will tell you, "trust your gut"...without the facts, it really isn't fair to not trust your significant other. You must make a decision to either trust him until he really gives you reason not to, or to walk away. You'll kill yourself trying to figure it out and posting these kinds of questions I think is more harmful than good. You tend to soak in the advice that tells you he's cheating. How does anyone on this board know? You have to find in within yourself to make a decision on how you want to live your life and what kind of relationship you want to be in. I wish you the best, I know what you are going through and you can make yourself sick with worry. Another bit...what it he IS cheating? Will you die? Will you never be able to enjoy life again? No, you'll be heartbroken, but you'll come out on top and better than ever.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:59 PM

on men lying

Here's the deal as far as I have been able to tell:
Men don't talk much. When they start talking a lot, like giving very explicit details on mundane things or offering up details about where they've been, etc., they're lying and have something to hide.
They will call you a lot before they do something dishonest so that you don't feel like anything is going on.
If you call them when they're doing something you don't like, they will text you back rather than call
They don't answer the cellphone, but call back a couple minutes later (when they're "free," i.e., in the bathroom, etc.
If they are the sort that feels guilty, they will start picking fights with you and will criticize you for asking questions. The tables will turn on you to take the focus off them.
Mostly, watch the talking. Too much talk is just not normal in man world.
Is the ringer on his cellphone on and his cellphone out and in view when he's with you? If not, that may be a warning sign.
Just remember . . . you are not crazy. Say it again to yourself . . . you are not crazy. Don't let anyone think you are.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 12:57 AM

Hey 3:14 it's obvious you've never been cheated on. That's the reason Im divorced! If the op feels that she's being cheated on she probably is.

Trust what you are feeling op and get to the bottom of it.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 8:47 AM

The best life lesson I have ever learned is to TRUST YOUR GUT. It is rarely wrong. I have found this to be true in all areas of my life.

Monday, January 28, 2008, 2:25 PM

My husband and I went through some really rough times 7 years ago, my gut told me he was cheating (with one of my "friends"-thanks BITCH) and sure enough he was. Trust your gut, you COULD be wrong, but you need to check it out. It doesn't have to mean the end, I wasn't going to break up my family with 4 young kids just because he was being a pig and for 100% sure I was not giving him the proper attention at home (full time job and 4 kids, he was coming last in the equation). We have ourselves straightened out now, but, it did really suck and it hurts so much.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 4:41 PM

bump

Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 5:01 PM

Trust your gut

I say Trust your GUt 100%. You trust yourself and approach him about it, if hes not cheating whats the worse that can happen? A lil arguement. If you dont aproach him and your gut was right, then it will be worse.
I suspect my boyfriend is lying to me i dont suspect hes cheating for some reason. My gut told me he was lying constantly and i played detective and it turned out i was right. I approached him and he still lied about it. URGGHHHH!!!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008, 11:53 AM

My gut feeling is that if you ask him straight out if he's cheating, he's going to lie about it. People don't sneak around just so they can confess to it, they sneak around because they DON'T want to get caught. It wouldn't hurt to ask anyways, because at least that lets him know you're on to whatever he's doing. I'm with the majority of posters, trust your gut. Even if he's not cheating, there's something going on in the relationship that isn't right. If you know you have a tendency to be jealous or insecure, then make sure it's not that first. If you're not generally like that, you have probably caught him.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008, 2:10 PM

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