How much do you want to lose vs. how much do you expect to lose

I spoke to a mind/body fitness guru the other day and he put me through something that blew my mind.

He asked me how much do you want to lose? I answered about 20 pounds. He said are you sure? And I said ok, truth? 25 pounds. If I lost 25 pounds I would have the best body ever.

Then he asked this: how much do you expect to lose? And I answered, without hesitation 10 pounds. I'll lose 10 and then I'll feel thinner and I'll get lazy and stick right around those 10 pounds.

He said, the secret lies in that gap. The gap of what you want and what you expect. Based on what you said, you will only lose 10 pounds.

Next week we're working on closing the gap.

Tue. Nov 29, 7:30am

That's a great point

I hadn't thought of that, but it's true. I don't know if I have a number exactly (of lbs. I expect to lose), but I WANT to lose 50. I do know that when I get under 190, I start to get cocky. My jeans are looser, I feel like I can do anything. For me, I have to take it 10lbs. at a time. Right now I'm at 193. When I get down to about 186 I get excited (and lazy, of course!). So if you figure out how to close the gap, or keep the momentum, let us know. PeerTrainer may just be a crucial part of it for me. I am so grateful.
Sophie

Tuesday, November 29, 2005, 8:02 AM

I'm doing the opposite... First of all, I'm only 5'1", so keep that in mind with my numbers (average BMI for my height is between 97 lbs and 132 lbs.) When I started, I was 127. I wanted to get to 123, b/c that's what my weight was in college. It took 5 months to get to 123, but once I got there, the weight kept coming off by doing the same things that I had been doing. Now, probably 1 month later, I'm at 119, and now I want to make it to 115! That's 8lbs less than my "goal!"

Tuesday, November 29, 2005, 9:14 AM

Good for you!

I'll try for the same effect.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005, 12:04 PM

Don't get frustrated with the numbers!

A few years ago I weighed 136 lbs and set my goal at 118 lbs (18 lb loss). I'm really short so at 136 my BMI was at the low end of the overweight mark. I struggled and struggled trying to reach 118, and kept disappointing myself when only a few pounds fell off. So i stopped focusing on 118. The number was driving me crazy! Instead, i focused on exercising and limiting my intake of Ben and Jerry's. A year ago I weighed in at about 126 lbs. Although I had lost 10 lbs, i learned that my body fat was 30%. I was shocked! I started limiting my desserts to only 2 each week (I love sweets!) and kept altering my exercise routine so my body didn't have a chance to get used to the work out (try changing it up if you've hit a plateau). I also started taking lots of weight lifting classes at my gym. Now a year later I'm 118 lbs and 19% body fat. I've finally reached the 118 I'd always wanted but my motivation wasn't the 118, it was knowing that 1/3 of my body was fat! My advice is - dont' focus so much on your weight. I only lost 8 lbs in the last year but went from 30% to 19% body fat. Don't get frustruted if your weight isn't changing much, keep track of your body fat too. You might see big changes in your body composition that will keep you motivated! or in my case, it might be a wake up call and give you the kick in the arse you need to get started. (At 136 pounds I must have been at least 35% fat!)

Tuesday, November 29, 2005, 5:00 PM

I LOVE this post. I talked about it all day in my groups. I think this partially explains why sometimes the last 10 pounds are always the toughest to lose. It's not that it's any harder than any other pounds but the fact that we get a little lazier, a little less diligent about posting what we eat, or measuring out our meals etc...

We don't try as hard because we don't really believe we'll do it.

To the original poster: Please post more about your sessions and progress. I would love to read more.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005, 6:58 PM

Thank you...I'll keep you updated. It's really been helping me so far.

Thursday, December 1, 2005, 7:31 AM

I find that the way for me to beat this (because it's not an issue for me) is that I don't focus on a goal weight. I don't have a goal weight. I really don't. My focus is on eating well and exercising, cardio and strength training. With those habits in place, as a lifetime thing, not just as a "do this to lose weight" thing, my weight will end up where it is supposed to be. I focus on my health, not my weight.

Thursday, December 1, 2005, 8:41 AM

Sabotaging our own goals

So many good points being made here. I realized that I have my stated goal of what I want to weigh or achieve, and then there is my "hidden agenda" which is very powerful, and it's saying, in essence, "yes that would be nice BUT I'll be happy to settle for less." So now I'm going to be more aware of those messages, my goal (like an asking price for my house) is now NON-Negotiable!

Tuesday, December 6, 2005, 11:33 AM

to the OP:

How are you and your guru working on closing the gap between what you said was your goal and what you actually think you'll lose? I'd love to hear any techniques you're using.

Tuesday, December 6, 2005, 4:30 PM

This is a great thread. I've gained and lost weight so many times. Part of it is thisI little game that goes on in my head when I hear "oh, you've lost some weight, great job!" I suddenly start to slack off, and before I know it, I've gained back what I worked off (and then some). I've tried to figure out what's going on, but really have no clue. Maybe some other insight will help me learn what my "agenda" is. Please keep updating on your progress!

Tuesday, December 6, 2005, 4:43 PM

So I went back this week (giving you an update because you asked!

We began to dissect into why I thought I would only lose 10 pounds but why I wanted to lose 25. He asked me all kinds of questions, like do you have a picture of what you would look like at that weight? I said no, I don't. He asked why? And I said because I've always heard, for my body size, that I would have to work out all day long and only eat lettuce to actually lose 25 pounds, that my lifestyle couldn't accomodate losing that kind of weight.

Then he asked, why do you think this? What is this thought based upon? When we really got to talking, I realized I was actually throwing out thoughts directly from my mom's mouth. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't even me talking. He started asking, but what do I think? Do I really believe that I would have to devote my life to only working out and nothing less to get to 25 pounds? When I thought about what I think, I realized, no. That was an excuse. I could lose 25 pounds if I wanted. Then he asked again, ok, how much do you want to lose? And I said 25 pounds. He said how much do you expect to lose? I answered, probably 18 - 20! At least it's closer to the "want" answer. We'll be working on closing the gap even further next week.

Friday, January 6, 2006, 2:46 PM

So how DO you close that gap? I mean, it's all sort of depressing, isn't it? I have this number in my head that I'd like to lose ... but now you're telling me I'll never get there? AAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKK!!!

Friday, January 6, 2006, 3:46 PM

Never realized it but is true. I started exercising alot a few years back {never reached goal weight} I got real toned {well in my eyes} and then got lazy and put all back on and then some with in 6 months . Now I'm shooting higher hoping with the help of friends and my family I'll reach it this time I think I will. We'll see .

Tuesday, January 17, 2006, 7:33 AM

Keep on pushing don't ever get discouraged from what someone else says. You are you're own boss and I believe if you want it bad enough just put your mind to it and push . I know it's hard just remember we're all here for you if you need to talk a long walk is always good to relieve stress instead of that piece of cake or whatever it is you like to eat. Me, I like chips and other bad things.{hahaha}BUT really never give up. Smile it's good for those muscles in your face too :}

Tuesday, January 17, 2006, 7:39 AM

about 2 pounds more than I actually want to lose. I'm psyched because it used to be a 10 pound difference. Congruency is happening.

Thursday, January 4, 2007, 10:09 AM

Wow, interesting concept. I initially wanted to lose 30lbs and I thought wow, if I could lose 20lbs I'd be happy. Now I am at about 17-18lbs....and I have stopped :( I have to get back on track and lose another 10-13.

Thursday, January 4, 2007, 11:31 AM

I had noticed that I have a tendency that each time I try to lose weight, I lose around 5-10 pounds and then I slack off or sabotage myself and regain the weight. I've been trying to figure out why I do that, so I can stop.

Then today I read this post and I think this is what I'm doing to myself. I don't really believe I'm going to suceed in losing the weight, or I'm afraid I'll fail, so I end up sabotaging myself.

Thank you so much for this thread - I think that working on changing my thinking will really help me move forward and get beyond this roadblock!

Monday, January 8, 2007, 7:31 AM

Well when I started dieting at 180 my goal was 145 with the idea that I'd love to hit 135 some day, but that was never possible so I'd set my goal at 140 which I still didn't know if it was possible but I least if I hit 150 I'd feel okay that I got within 10 lbs of my goal.

Luckily I was enough overweight that I had more than 10lbs to lose before my I'd even feel okay enough to quit. I'd always started dieting before at 160 I'd get to 150 feel okay with that and quit never getting to my goal. Not that I'm at my goal weight yet but I'm down to 145 which is past the 150 point and I'm still dieting strong. In order to lose the 30lbs to get to 150 I had to change my lifestyle and through that I came to see that if I can lose 30 I can lose 40 even if I didn't think that was possible in the beginning and if I can lose 40 I can lose 45. Now my goal is 135 not 140, and while I think 10lbs will get me to where I want to be body wise if I'm not quite happy yet when I get to 135 then I'm willing to adjust my goal to 130 and just keep right on going the way I have been.

Monday, January 8, 2007, 8:52 AM

Hey, it's me, the op. I lost the 25 pounds. Took me a couple of years, but I did it! This was the greatest experience and taught me I can do anything.

Friday, May 23, 2008, 11:29 AM

Congratulations! That's so excellent! I hadn't realized this thread was old until it got to your message and so to me it seems like it happened so suddenly. You discussed it and found a solution and did it. Of course it took so much more than that. I just wanted to stop in and congratulate you!

I have 45 pounds to lose (I'm 5'9 and weigh 205) if not more, but I'm still not sure for my body type so I'm going to start there. I was originally secretly going for thirty but this post has inspired me. Any advice on what has helped you bridge the "gap"?

Friday, May 23, 2008, 11:58 AM

This thread is fabulous--one of the best. OP, how did you stick with it through two years? Has your lifestyle become one of the diet? How often do you weigh yourself?

Check in with all the rest of us!

Friday, May 23, 2008, 2:34 PM

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