Anyone else have jealousy problems? What do you think about this?

I don't know if I am "normal" or "overly jealous". Here is the situation: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. We are in our late 20s. We live in GA and he is from VA. He likes to talk a lot and sometimes tells me more information then I wish I knew about his past- such as- that he slept with this girl he was friends with since at least high school (she is the best friend of one of his exes). I don't know when exactly, but it had to be 2+ years ago. Anyway, they are still friends. She lives in AL or somewhere like that and is married with a kid, however, she is a very pretty thin blonde and she leaves scandalous photo messages on his myspace board such as photos of women w/ panties around their ankles w/ "Just dropping by to say hi" and women raising a glass to toast with a quote "Friday is casual sex day". I find this very disrespectful since he is in a committed relationship and it has sexual overtones- and is being sent between a woman and a man. I think it is also inappropriate of her since she is married. He says she is just joking around and doesn't mean anything by it and that he does not like her like that. I don't want to be a controlling bitch girlfriend who is like "You can't talk to your friend you've known for years" when I've only known him 8 months- however- this morning he left his e-mail up and I saw a reply from her to him w/ his subject title "You are going to get my ass in trouble" asking her to stop w/ the "goofy" photo comments and just say hi to him or whatever or she is going to get him in trouble (with me obviously b/c I asked him about it) and especially if they are going to be back in VA at the same time and she wants to see him- then saying he will see what he can do (about seeing her when they are home because she wants to see him). This makes me feel sick. I don't know of him planning any trip home to VA yet. I don't know if he will invite me or if he will tell me he plans on seeing her. He is very adamant that he was raised by women and would never cheat on someone. Am I just being overly jealous/immature/insecure? What should I do?

Fri. Jun 8, 10:24am

i'd say, given the information that you provided, that you are going to drive yourself crazy if you continue to focus on his relationships with his friends, male or female, instead of focusing on your self and your own friends. the fact that he even addressed the issue of the sexy, comedic pictures with his friend shows a lot of respect for your feelings while at the same time remaining true to himself. if this friendship is your only cause of alarm, i'd say give him the benefit of the doubt. have you yourself ever had a friendship with a man? if not, maybe that's why your tensions are up a bit. i have many male friends, married and otherwise, and although it can sometimes require a little explanation to a new boyfriend, it is not a problem. just because his friend may have a different style of humor is no reason to suspect he's cheating or planning to. i mean he could have just started dating her at any time before, right? why would he wait until he started dating you to pursue her?

Friday, June 8, 2007, 10:37 AM

if they were just friends I would be ok with it. It is the fact that I know they have slept together in the past that makes it bother me.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 10:42 AM

for some people, not all people but some, casual sex between friends is just something that happens sometimes. like getting too drunk and throwing up in front of someone or having a hysterical crying fit in front of someone. it's just something, usually an intimate thing but not always, that happened between them. and the fact that they did not turn their hook-up into a relationshiop shows that they are not interested in each other that way. i know that during times when i have been single and a friend has been single and we have been hanging out, there has been an occassion where we just "did it" and it meant nothing more. it's safer than jumping into bed with a stranger when you just want a little booty. i think you should relax and maybe try to remove your values from the situation. if it turns out that your value system cannot handle dating a guy who would have casual sex with a friend while they were both single, maybe you need to reevaluate the dating pool you are drawing from. no offense meant, just my viewpoint.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 10:53 AM

Silly sexy pictures that are NOT of her? No problem - all kinds of people send me those things, including relatives.

As for the visit..."we'll see" is the kind of thing we all say when we're trying to say no without causing offense. Sounds like you're on solid ground with your bf - you didn't ask him to not see her anymore, and yet he's clearly trying to do exactly that. For you.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 10:57 AM

Ok. I understand your point. I guess sex just usually means more to me. Since they have had sex in the past, does that not make it more likely that it could happen again if they are both in their home town w/o their significant others and go out and get drunk? Would I be wrong to say that I am ok with him seeing her but there have to be other people present and/or out in public and not the two of them alone at a house? Not that there's any way I could verify that other than taking his word for it but he hasn't done anything that I know of to make me not trust him. I am just uncomfortable with the situation. I was dating someone before we were dating and broke up with him when I met my boyfriend b/c it wasn't going anywhere. That guy still wanted to be friends and wanted to come over and hang out one night, but I follow the same standards for myself. I told him I thought it would be inappropriate b/c I have a boyfriend now and we have slept together in the past. I told him I could meet him for lunch out somewhere, but he can't come hang out at my place.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 11:08 AM

there have definitely been guys with whom i was friends and then we had a casual sex encounter. at no time did i want to be the girlfriend to any of these guys and i'm sure it was a mutual feeling. and it did not increase my desire to be with any of these guys, because i did not have that desire to begin with. generally, having casual sex with a friend can either make or break the friendship. for me, it usually made my friendships more solid as JUST friendships. once or twice it ruined the friendship entirely, but usually it was just a crazy thing that guys and girls can do together. if anything, they've gotten it out of their systems....i would not try to understand the situation as much as i would try to BE understanding of the situation. as for you taking certain steps to ensure the integrity of your relationship, good for you! that's the way you are. i don't think it would be fair to ask that your boyfriend be any different than he naturally is, and that is to remain friends with a person who started out as a friend and has remained a friend. i can see your frustration, but it doesn't mean that you're a jealous b*tch, it shows that you care. i just thing that if you continue to measure his behavior against your own behavior, you will come up with more questions than answers. you are from different places and have had different experiences, but now you are together. maybe try to focus more on the here-and-now and try not to speculate too much about his intentions with his friend.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 11:30 AM

Thanks. That is what I am trying to do. I am just having a little trouble based on experiences from past relationships, but I am trying to keep in mind that my now boyfriend is a good guy and thus far hasn't given me any reason to doubt that.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 11:35 AM

good for you for seeking advice and looking at your situation from a different angle!! in the past, i would have just flown off the handle and accused and shouted and been an all-around b*tch about this type of thing. but, where did that leave me? alone and feeling like i could not control myself. now, i try to do a little question asking, even if it's from strangers, to gain a bit of perspective about things. maybe someday you will share with your boyfriend the trepidation you had about his friend and share a good laugh! i wish you continued success!

Friday, June 8, 2007, 11:40 AM

I understand why this is bothering you, it would bother me too! I would trust him though. The fact that he is telling her to stop saying things like that means alot, it means that he cares too much about your relationship to have it ruined by a woman who says inappropriate things. It obviously is bothering him too. And about going to VA, he should def. invite you the next time he goes there! Keep smiling, it will be ok!

Friday, June 8, 2007, 11:43 AM

i think his telling you all about her shows a lot of respect towards you. imagine if you did not know anything about her, he went home to visit, saw her, came back and then told you all about her!! that would make any person a bit mad! it sounds like he's just the kind of guy that keeps women friends as well as men friends.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 11:48 AM

I think if he asks about seeing her, you should say something like, "that's okay, I trust you." Because, if you trust him, you don't EXPECT him to cheat on you, and if he does something against that trust, he's being a real a-hole. But, if you tell him, "okay, fine, but only if you're with other people and out in public," then that tells him that if he's alone with her, you EXPECT that he'll sleep with her. So, you already think he's an a-hole, so he might as well live up to it! People often live up to your expectations!

Friday, June 8, 2007, 12:25 PM

My thoughts on this issue

I see your point here. A lot of this is your own insecurity as it would be mine as well b/c of my weight issue at the present time. The first thing you mentioned was what SHE looked like. Blonde, thin.... It sounds like he loves you. He asked her to stop.

I have a myspace account too. A lot of people send those types of greetings. Yeah, it may be inappropriate, but they do. It happens. I think if she stops, then thats great. If she continues, then you have someone actively pursuing your boyfriend and the way he responds is important too in determining whether or not this is a problem. He ALWAYS has the option to just delete those comments when she sends them on his page. Or he has the option to approve comments before they are posted on his page to stop this kind of thing.

Good luck!

Friday, June 8, 2007, 12:41 PM

there's an old asaying i remember from grade school, "look before you leap." this has transferred into, " don't jump to conclusions" in my everyday life. i think it's best for you to try to discuss the situation with your boyfriend before jumping to any conclusions that would sacrifice your relationship together. i wouldn't assume that this friend is after him any more than i would assume that you are a nosy, jealous girlfriend for reading his myspace page (left open or not). looks can be deceiving and sometimes what talks and walks like a duck is really just a goose. i'd say relax, enjoy a nice evening together and put it behind you!

Friday, June 8, 2007, 12:48 PM

CAUTION: Been there before. I was engaged to a man and we went through this same situation ... almost exactly. Thus the WAS engaged. He slept with her on his visit (casual sex is an excuse for sex that he wants to get away with with no reprecussions), continued to get sexy messages that turned into naked pictures of her, then she came to visit and i didn't see or hear from him for the entire week. This "friend" became an obsession of his and I took the back burner. The sex stopped for me (unless he just got off the computer or phone with her) and our relationship crumbled. For those who think it's harmless, they obviously haven't had it happen to them.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 8:31 PM

Thing is, if he's going to cheat, it doesn't really matter about the friend or not. People that will lie and cheat will do it with whoever is convenient at the time. Your boyfriend sounds like a solid guy with a flirtatious friend that is very comfortable with their friendship. Unless he starts with suspicious behavior on HIS side of things, don't sweat it. You've done well by bringing up the things that were really getting under your skin, which it sounds like he's trying to address. Hang in there and just keep working on your communication. It's the biggest piece of a new relationship.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 9:41 PM

Does it bother anyone that he is planning a trip home but hasn't notified his girlfriend yet? If he goes through with it and does not invite you, I would be concerned. Especially if he is "not available" when you call him. Been there, been through that.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 10:11 PM

I think part of the reasons why there is so much cheating today is because people allow themselves to be in unhealthy relationships. Lead us not into temptation I just think half you guys are crazy.

Friday, June 8, 2007, 10:17 PM

Hi, I don't think you are being overly jealous. It is pretty ranchy for her to send a picture like that especially if she is a married woman.I 'm sure her husband would agree. I would try not to worry about it so much and let your boyfriend know how you feel. He hasn't done anything wrong and he did tell her to quit with the pictures. I would probably not say anything right now becase it sounds like you have talked with him about it already.Also if he leaves his e mail up in the future you can always take another peek. lol.

Saturday, June 9, 2007, 1:44 AM

I understand your jealousy and suspicion. With that said, your boyfriend sounds like a good guy who is respectful of you and your relationship. Try to trust him.

I've slept with my best friend, who is a guy, before. It's a little different because it wasn't just a random hookup.. after being friends for years, feelings became involved, and the physicality followed.. but the point is, we're still friends and nothing has ever happened between us since we ended our involvement. I'm never sure whether I should tell a new guy about it, because bringing it up at the beginning doesn't seem like a good idea, but I know that since we are still friends it's something I won't want to be a secret if my relationship gets serious. We've always had this very flirty relationship filled with sexual innuendo and tension, but I promise you that was in no way what caused us to take it further. He's just fun to flirt with.. there's no confusion or risk involved for anyone. He's now in a relationship and I'm not sure what his girlfriend knows about us, but if he ever asked me to stop the flirtation or told me she was uncomfortable with it, I without a doubt would, because him and I are friends and I respect him and his relationship and don't at all want to bring something negative into that. It's a fact that we've had sex.. I cant change that, nor would I want to.. but it will never happen again while he is in a relationship. He's never shown any sign of wanting it to, and I wouldn't do it.

The point I'm trying to make is that while looking at a situation like your boyfriends from the outside, I can totally understand you being jealous, but as someone thats been on the inside, I know it can be nothing to worry about. I agree that people often meet your expectations.. let him know that while youre concerned, you DO trust him, and he'll likely live up to that trust.

Saturday, June 9, 2007, 5:31 PM

OP here- New development

So, I figured out how to get into his myspace account. Yes, I am one nosy bitch but it is my heart on the line here. I love this guy, but what I found makes me feel sick. His whole sent box is deleted. However, in an "RE:new pics" in his inbox that he has not deleted. This is his message to her: "your turnin out some smokin pics lately. not that you didn't already but i see you're puttin effort into it now. lookin very sexxy. smiles. a definate shoe in for the hotmoms club". So are they still just harmless friends? Let me remind you that he is planning to try and "see what he can do" about being home at the same time as her and hanging out. I don't know whether to confront him, let it go and try to get more dirt and be sure, or just dump his ass and save myself before I get any more involved. Please help

Sunday, June 10, 2007, 7:50 PM

OP here- New development

P.S. there is also an "re:picture- for your eyes only-keep private" that he says he didn't get the pic. I don't know what it is. But I am wondering if it is her naked or my imagination running wild

Sunday, June 10, 2007, 7:52 PM

gheez. i think you should break up with this guy to spare him all of your drama and invasion of privacy issues. poor guy. let him have a life outside of your relationship, and you should try to have one too. maybe he's being a supportive friend to a woman who is trying to do something with herself in the modelling industry. or maybe it's none of your business. just because you claim that you are in love with him is no reason for him to all of a sudden become subordinate to your insecurity issues. and it sounds more like you don't trust him, won't try to communicate openly with him about this, and are extremely jealous-honey, that's NOT love, that's obsession.

Monday, June 11, 2007, 8:54 AM

Oh my. Honestly, reading your posts gives me one impression; you need to end the relationship. He's not been honest with you. You are driving yourself to the point of being dishonest with him (checking his email behind his back). This isn't a healthy way to have a relationship, no matter what people post here or what your friends say.

Any time I got myself in a situation like this when I was younger, I regretted staying involved. I regretted the energy, time, heart that went into that person. I regretted how I wasted myself on them.

For your sake, stand up for your values (don't "let go of them," like someone else suggested - are you nuts?) and for yourself, and let him go. Find someone who values you.

And for anyone who thinks casual sex is no big deal......here's an example of why is IS a big deal.

I hope for you the best!

Monday, June 11, 2007, 9:06 AM

it's not the dude who is wrong in this scenario. he's got a friend who's a female. big deal. if she was heavy and ugly the OP probably wouldn't mind that her boyfriend hangs out with an old friend who he had casual sex with while single. the OP goes out of her way to describe the physical traits of the friend and it comes across that it's not really the essence of the relationship between her bf and his friend that bothers the OP, but the fact that the OP thinks the friend is pretty and probably puts that opinion onto her bf (she assumes he thinks the same thing). if you are becoming someone who you would not want as a partner (snooping around his private affairs, accusing him without discussing things with him, being jealous of someone whom you don't know, secretly building up resentment), then you should break it off before either of you invest more into this relationship. if you really love the guy, don't you want him to be happy with the woman he loves? even if you think that you're not that woman?

Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 11:53 AM

There is nothing appropriate about an old hook up sending sexually provacative pictures to someone else's partner! Absolutely nothing appropriate about it!!!!! O.P. you are not being jealous, you are being protective of your heart. I bet the old hook -up's husband would just LOVE that his wife is all flirty, sexual & making plans to meet up w/an old "friend" that she had sex with. What a betrayal! Sounds like she has a need for attention from the opposite sex. It also seems like, despite your boyfriend saying "You are going to get me in trouble...better stop", he didn't REALLY say he wanted her to stop but that YOU wanted her to stop. He is being pretty whimpy about handling the situation...sounds like he is enjoying the attention. Do you feel like he truly has your best interests in mind? It seems as though he could be more sensitive to your feelings.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 2:10 PM

I think I can help!!!

I am a jealous person. I won't ever admit that to anyone face to face, but I am. I get jealous when my husband looks or comments on other women and I despise ex girlfriends. Hate them.

Moving on. I'm very attractive, have a great personality, and a lot going for me, so you'd think I wouldn't be the jealous type. Wrong.

How do I deal? I take care of myself, workout, eat well, groom, etc. and I have made a choice to trust my husband. When my jealousy creeps up, well it doesn't exactly creep, in jumps out an lunges at me, I remind myself, that I trust him, that what I don't know won't hurt me (I can't control him, if he's going to cheat, he's going to find a way to do it), and then I occupy myself with positive things or people.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 2:17 PM

2:17...I can relate totally! Great advise. Hope your attitude can help the O.P., it helped me!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007, 10:38 PM

This is just a thought.. Maybe he left his myspace up because he wants you to read it? OR knows your reading it and is sending it himself?

Link

Thursday, June 14, 2007, 1:10 AM

privacy pirates don't make good partners! leave the poor guy alone so he can move on to someone who will respect him, even if that person is a bit insecure about herself. the guy should not have to bear some burden of telling you everything about everyone in his world just so that you will trust him. this is your problem, OP, and your boyfriend is being dragged into it.

Thursday, June 14, 2007, 9:31 AM

i have no sympathy for the burdens that snoops come to bear after being nosy.

Friday, June 15, 2007, 1:48 PM

Dump him for your sake and HIS sake.

Friday, June 15, 2007, 2:06 PM

amen! you don't come across as mentally or emotionally healthy enough to be involved in a serious relationship yet.

Friday, June 15, 2007, 2:16 PM

Wow! I just don't understand these negative attitudes about how the OP is feeling. It seems like there may be some validity to the concerns.

Friday, June 15, 2007, 2:40 PM

Good point 2:40. It is not her it may be him that was what the op was asking her peers to help her with and I do not understand you attacking her because he left his e mail up and as she said he gave her more info than she cared to know in the first place about his past love life. Give the op a break! I know she's snooping and that is not right but come on have some compassion!

Friday, June 15, 2007, 7:37 PM

I have snooped for sure

Sunday, June 17, 2007, 2:27 AM

a big problem with snooping is that you have no basis for understanding or any explanation for what you may come across while snooping. it leaves all information up to the interpretation of the snooper. and this person is already feeling a bit uneasy, hence the snooping in the first place, right? it can become a circular pattern of behaviour, too. the snooper suspects the other has something to hide. snooping occurs. the snoopee thinks the snooper is snooping, but doesn't know for sure, so the snoopee starts hiding things. the snooper then has grounds to believe that the other IS hiding things. it's a self-fulflling prophecy. nothing good comes from snooping. there is no reason to sacrifice your own integrity in order to prove that your partner is not good enough for you. if you think there is a problem or are uncomfortable with your relationship, say something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 18, 2007, 10:35 AM

Very good advice 10:35. What you say does make since to me. That said, sometimes when someone is cheating or not being open & honest, what good does it do to ask about the behavior? Often, a person will lie to save face. I know, I know a good relationship is about trust, but there have been many relationships, I'm sure, where a man (or woman) is actively hiding behavior...if I suspect something is wrong, of course I'd go straight to my partner. Maybe this isn't always the best way to find out the truth though...just throwin it out there.

Monday, June 18, 2007, 1:54 PM

it's not supposed to be about proving to yourself over and over again that your partner is being honest with you. this is an assumption we make when we enter into a healthy relationship, that our partner is trustworthy. the moment that you feel otherwise, bring it up. if you continue to feel uneasy or suspicious, it is up to you to address your feelings, not push those jealous or suspicious feelings onto your partner to deal with or defend themself against. if you cannot approach your partner because you are so sure that he/she is being unfaithful, if you're so sure that this is true that you cannot even bring up the discussion for fear of being lied to more, than break it off. why would you snoop around, then? to try to save a relationship that you have already decided is not based on trust or open communication? to prove something, beyond a reasonable doubt, to yourself? it's my opinion that if someone loses my trust, i don't have to see photos of him with another woman to end the relationship. it ended the moment i could not approach him about my feelings.

Monday, June 18, 2007, 2:28 PM

sounds like you have a very healthy outlook w/in a relationship. that is wonderful. i had a abusive childhood & have worked really hard to work through the baggage & painful memories. it is still just so hard to trust, the hardest to trust those closest to me. my husband knows my past & has been patient with me. i have a very wonderful relationship but, sometimes those creepy little untrusting thoughts slide in & i have to spend alot of energy talking myself down. very frustrating & something i work to let go of to be free.

Monday, June 18, 2007, 9:37 PM

it's through years of therapy, evaluation and self-discovery that i have reached this stage about communicating within any relationship. i also had a troubling, abusive childhood and sought from a very early age to be a different type of adult than the ones in my life then. it takes a lot of effort to work on one's inner-self, as much as it does to develope disciplined eating habits. snooping just has no place in my world and i have no tolerance for it. when you step back, snooping is a very self-centered, invasive, insecurity-revealing act that serves only the snooper's purpose to behave in exactly the way he/she is worried that his/her partner is behaving. "oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive..."

Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 9:40 AM

to the op

so, did you break up with the guy or what?

Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 1:54 PM

Personally, I will never understand "casual sex". I don't see how something so intimate can ever be casual, with no repercussions to changing a relationship, wether for good or bad. But that's not the topic, so I digress.

Another thing I will never understand is being angry with a significant other over what another person is doing to them. It would be one thing if the BF is sending erotic pictures and emails to her. It's quite another when she is sending them to him. He took the initiative to ask her to stop. He let her know it's inappropriate and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or anger her. If she continues, then it's her problem -- not HIS and not YOURS.

As for the possible trip home, confront him about it, don't sneak behind his back. If you love him as you say you do, then you're not treating him with respect by snooping in his private emails. Sure, I understand you want to find out if he's lying, but then that's showing both him and yourself that you don't trust him. Love must come with trust, or it isn't really love. Ask him, then trust him. If he breaks that trust, then you have to decide where to go from there.

I also find it telling that you mentioned right off what she looks like. I wonder if you would be so jealous and upset about this if she wasn't attractive. You're on PEERTrainer so I assume you are here to find help in losing weight. Perhaps a real issue underlying this is that you may worried that he doesn't find you attractive, and this ex is a reminder of that?

Before getting angry at him, I would look inside myself and also at what HER role in all of this is as well.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 4:22 PM

Jealousy

About the 7 month relationship. I think that what he is doing sucks!

He needs to grow up. And, as for you, start looking for a man who will respect you, like you deserve. Start believing that you will be fine, that you don't deserve this "bonko" guy in your life. And, who knows, maybe in the meantime, as you wean off of him, the "right" man may come along.

Don't take this crap. You really can't stop his sexual Fridays, but you can stop these affairs from affecting your life. Be good to you!!!

Start today and don't quit!!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007, 4:46 PM

are you for real? the guy is being short-changed, not the girl (op).

Wednesday, June 20, 2007, 10:03 AM

Being for Real!

Yes. In fact, this guy wants his cookies and eat them too! More than likely, if her self esteem was at its highest, she wouldn't even need anyone's advice. But, when you have been rejected and not sure if another "man" is going to come along, the tendency to break off a bad relationship becomes difficult.

If she allows this abuse to continue, she is being short-changed.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007, 10:35 AM

i'm sorry, but if you allow yourself to stay with someone who you don't trust anymore, whether because of his actions or your own insecurities, just to avoid being without a man in your life, you have short-changed yourself. this girl has issues and the issues are what is affecting her view of the relationship and the issues are what are making her question her boyfriend's loyalty.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007, 11:25 AM

Having sex in the past, does not mean that it's also going to happen in the future. I'm sure a lot of people on this board have had sex with someone and wouldn't do it again even if there was an opportunity.
I can understand your concerns though, but I'll also tell you that your boyfriend is being very considerate of your feelings. I'm sure that if he does make a trip home he'll be sure to invite you.
Just focus on yourself, because in this situation, that's all you can do. Trying to control the situation will only push your boyfriend away.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007, 11:49 AM

Bravo!

I totally, 100% agree with the points made in yesterday's 4:22 post. Particularly the last part about the OP's own insecurities. It sounds like you may be translating your own fears into jealousy and anger over a situation that is out of both yours and your BF's control. She's to blame here, and your thread title admits you're jealous of her... so what is it in yourself that is making you react the way you are?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007, 1:37 PM

I didn't get a chance to read all the comments on this thread. I'm not a particularly jealous person. However my now very serious boyfriend had a friend like that. I told him that I was not comfortable with it.

I am not.

I have had casual sex before.

I don't think its appropriate to continue a relation ship (friends or not) with people you've had sex with in the past if you're in a monogamous relationship.

I feel like its easier to have sex with someone (let go of inhibitions) if you've had sex with them before. especially if you knew it didn't have to lead to anything.
and while i feel he wouldn't cheat on me. what if we had a huge fight and broke up for a day and he wanted *revenge sex* for that day then we decided to get back together and apologized all that. I would still hate him if he had done that with her.

I felt threatened by her and made him choose. He hasn't been friends with her in 2 years now. She was his best friend. I don't care he lost his best girlfriend because he gained more in me than he ever had with her.

More than he ever could have!

I dunno maybe its just me, but i find it disrespectful and inappropriate

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 11:14 AM

totally selfish to ask a partner to give up friends from his/her past. when you let your own insecurities from your past, that you bring into a new relationship, dictate what behavior is okay and what people are acceptable in your partner's life, you're carrying too much baggage! learn from your experiences, hold onto memories and let go of the past. don't make others have to make up for mistakes that previous partners have made. would you like to be held accountable for and change your behavior because of someone your new boyfriend dated before he met you?

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 11:39 AM

I think we all have different definitions of what the term "friend " is. That needs to be defined by the couple involved.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 3:38 PM

Having sex with a friend in the past is can easily lead to feelings that you might just be able to "do it again" if you are still attracted to them. Especially if there is no chance anyone will find out. I think that women and men are just that way. The messages she is leaving on his myspace site are always able to be deleted. He could ask her not to send them. He doesn't. He obvioulsy likes the attention or thinks nothing of it b/c she is a flirty girl. There are plenty of non flirty, non sexual messages she could send to him. Well, a flirty, thin, blonde that is attracted to him, already has had sex with him... left alone with your significant other? You tell me. I would be a bit jealous. Just saying. She has every right to be jealous. This has nothing to do with her weight.

Thursday, June 21, 2007, 7:56 PM

june 21 11:14
you are a crazy bi@#$ and he should have dropped you on your face. How dare you force someone to abandon the ones they love because of your insecurities. This person obviously impacted his life in more ways than one if she was his BEST FRIEND. You aren't being a friend at all by acting the way you did and if I were him I would have laughed in your face and told you to get lost

Friday, June 22, 2007, 7:00 AM

To the 7:00 poster...go take your name calling some place else. It is fine to disagree with someone but your tone is completely inappropriate.

Friday, June 22, 2007, 9:45 AM

If the shoe was on the other foot and she was the one getting emails from her her friend that she slept with would he have a problem with it you bet.

Friday, June 22, 2007, 10:34 AM

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