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Fear of reaching goal or milestone

The main reason I can to PT was to find a forum to discuss my fear of reaching my weight loss goal. As I near 200 pounds (not the goal but a milestone), I find myself freaking out. This started a couple weeks ago as I started to waver around 210. This morning the scale read 208. I have not been under 200 pounds as an adult (I am 45). (FYI: I weighed 344. my goal is 170-180. I am 5'11")

I am beginning to see in the mirror, the person I was as a child. (That is a good thing.) The tough thing is that that child was abused and molested. I can rememebr telling myself that this crap won't happen to me when I am big. So I got BIG and stayed BIG for a long time.

As I become unBig, those fears are returning....irrational, yes. But I am concerned that those fears will sabotage my progress....I have plataeued again around 210.

Has this happened to you? How do you deal with it?

Sat. May 19, 7:01am

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I can completely relate. While I don't have any abuse issues I have found myself self-sabotaging as I have reached lower weights. I then begin to yo-yo. It's almost like fear of the unknown. As an overweight adult there are a lot of things you learn to deal with and put up your barriers. When you start losing and you start getting more attention from people and "oh, you look just great" while this is great it also can bring some self doubt about how you were to begin with. The hardest thing for me has been maintaining. I don't know if it's fear of success or fear of failure. Maybe both. How do I deal with it? I just try to stick with it. To remind myself that I'm doing it for me and that I'm worth it. That noone else is going to take care of me except for me.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 9:12 AM

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I've been working with a Registered Dietician for a few months, and she's encouraging me to get into counseling soon so that I don't self-sabbotage. As you lose weight, issues like yours rise to the surface and the main reason you've had the phenomenal success you've had so far (135 lbs holy freaking cow!!!) is that you were finally ready to face everything. We're not just peeling off layers of fat from our bodies - for most of us, there are layers of pain to deal with too. As I got to a similar point in my journey, about 30 lbs above my goal weight, and stopped losing for a bit, the RD asked if I really wanted to lose the rest of the weight just yet or if I needed to just maintain for a while and prepare myself by maybe seeing a shrink.

I'm guessing you've seen a therapist might be a good time to go back for a few sessions, or maybe find some group support. You have already overcome so much, you're nearly there, you've clearly got the mental fortitude to make it. You can do this.

Saturday, May 19, 2007, 10:11 AM

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This is exactly my concern. 3 years ago I lost 175 pounds and still had more to go but as I saw a real figure emerging I got scared. The support that Ithought I had left me and there was no safety so I thought. I started to get approached by guys for the first time and I couldn't handle it, so I gained it all back. Well all but 20 pounds.
So now here I am 40 years old and I have discovered two things.
You can't go forward when all you do is look backward. So I am committed to going forward and having a life.
The other is that I am worth doing this for. I am worth something. I still don't know what I will do when I start to see a body emerging or I start to get attention again. I am hoping that maybe there will be support out there at the time.
For now I wish you peace and security.
I wish there was a group for those of us dealing with this same issue.

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 2:43 PM

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First, let me applaud how far you've gotten. I'm in almost exactly the same place. Same height, same weight, over 100 pounds lost, same struggle with feeling confident and comfortable in my own skin. I've been working on the last 20 pounds for the past five years. On the one hand, it's wonderful to be feeling so much more visible, so much more the real person I've always been. On the other hand, the attention makes me feel conspicuous, especially being so tall to begin with! It's good to know that I am not the only one in this space with myself.
Here's where my therapy has lead me: Embrace yourself, don't allow the events of the past to dictate your present. It's another form of victory for those who harmed you. I REFUSE to limit myself, or be a victim in any way for a single moment more!!!

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 2:59 PM

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fear of reaching a goal or milestone.

I thought I was the only one afraid of losing weight. I am 45 need to lose 100 lbs. But I am afraid that nothing will change in my mariage I am aso are things will change. What if the sex life improves what if it doesn't.

My nephew is getting married sept 9/ I will dance @ the recption and I will be smaller. If hubby isn't the one to dance with me someone else will.

I am tired of this.

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 3:40 PM

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I was sexually abused for 5 years between the ages of 5-10 and can totally relate. My sticking point was 190 lbs. I wouldn't let myself go below that for many years.

Your issues are not about food so manipulating food intake will not help. Your issues (like mine) are psychological and need to be treated by a professional counselor. There are many out there who are on sliding scale if money is an issue.

I wish you luck on your journey. Forgiving my father was one of the most profound moments of my life. I forgave him more than 20 years after he died and realized forgiving him was for me, not him. It's made all the difference.

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 4:28 PM

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You can do it!! try focussing on exercise / your health for a while instead of how many pounds you weigh. Somehow this shifted the balance for me.

Saturday, June 09, 2007, 6:11 PM

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