Language - A request

I would never use inappropriate language here on the forum, or post in as a comment on someone's page, I agree that foul language doesn't belong here.

However, I feel my personal log is a different story. Yes it is public, but I use it as a journal and If i'm upset about something I don't see anything wrong with saying it exactly the way I feel it. It is my "space". I don't expect those who are offended by my language to read my log.

Saturday, April 14, 2007, 11:53 PM

I've always wondered why "foul language" was different than any other words used to express yourself. What's the big deal? I love using those words to express myself in times of excitement and anger. Why are you so offended?

Sunday, April 15, 2007, 12:18 PM

I think the OP is just trying to annoy the hell out of the community users now that the god threads are getting old. Either that or she just likes being told to STFU.

Sunday, April 15, 2007, 12:44 PM

OP - no I don't like it. I asked respectfully. I hoped for the same in any response. I'm sorry to see that my expectations were to high.

I recall watching the movie Malcolm X several years ago. One of my favorite parts of the movie was when his prison mentor told him to stop using foul language. The mentor told him that the only reason to use that kind of language was that he wasn't smart enough to express himself with other words. He, of course, cleaned up his language and learned to express his ideas well.

I personally feel awful when I hear/read bad language. I wanted to be here on PT, because I thought it would help me reach my goals. If I feel awful when I'm here - it won't help. That is why I made a respectful request. We are supposed to be here to help each other - not hurt each other.

Sunday, April 15, 2007, 2:59 PM

I understand that you did ask politely but really you are asking for me to put myself out so that you dont have to. I use that language and it does not reflect my level of intelligence first off but more importantly why should I inconvenience myself to accommodate you. Why dont you accomodate those of us that choose this language by not complaining

Monday, April 16, 2007, 4:43 AM

OP - I am leaving peertrainer. Thanks for your support.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 8:07 AM

Whatever. I agree with 4:43 - sometimes I like to use more colorful language and if you're so easily offended then maybe an anonymous internet board isn't the place for you. I'm just saying, Peertrainer is MUCH tamer than some of the other stuff out there.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 9:15 AM

i received the same level of "support" when i respectfully asked that the word "Nazi" be used only when referring to actual Nazi's, as the word is not "just a word" to me. a lot of people seem to equate freedom of speech with the right to offend others, even knowingly.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 9:22 AM

This is yet another example of someone thinking that their wishes somehow trump the desire of the entire community. Good luck finding a curse/reality free zone on the internet.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 9:41 AM

in no way do i think my wishes trump anything. it's a matter of decency and respect for your fellow Peertrainer members, if for no one else in your world. i use all kinds of language and also try to be aware of my surroundings and guage what is appropriate language to use given where i am expressing myself. although i strongly belive in the first amendment, i also belive in not deliberatly offending others who simply request that i not curse. at my grandmother's house, i never use "foul language" out of repsect for her and the rest of my family. at the seedy bar down the road, i often end sentences in prepositions. (aggh!) when someone asks politely that i alter the language i use, if the only consequence is that i don't offend someone, i will comply. no sacrifice of rights or feelings of catering to someone who thinks they are more important than me or other strange, self-righteous thoughts. given the tone found in many of the threads on this forum, i'm not surprised with the responses about showing your fellow members a little respect.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 10:09 AM

To the OP...

Girl (Guy?) you have GOT to roll with the times. Yes, it is perfectly acceptable for you to expect your family, friends, etc. to behave in a manner that you deem appropriate, but it is NOT something you can expect of the world. It might seem crazy, but what we're really dealing with here is an issue of tolerance. Some people wear t-shirts with "bad" language on it, you can't stop them. Some people find PDA (public displays of affection) totally disrespectful...can't stop them. The list can obviously go on and on.

While I know you think you were being respectful in the WAY that you asked, the fact that you asked at all seems a little...well..."inconsiderate." You cannot control the world. Whether you (or I, for that matter) personally feel the language debate is acceptable is a non-issue, you need to lighten up a little and accept that people are who they are and will do what they will do.

This is a site about personal growth (or shrinkage, I guess. Sorry, couldn't resist!). I suggest (politely) to work on your improving yourself and ignore the negative actions of others.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 4:39 PM

wo knew that a simple request for a little decency would stir up the pot so much....

Monday, April 16, 2007, 4:50 PM

I think the OP was very polite in their request. Most people try to curb their foul language when in the presence of young children. How come, if there's not something offesnsive in the language? I don't think the OP thought that all people would immediately suspend their use of foul language, rather it could just be a hope that those who are made aware of how their language affects others might try to curb it. If you don't want to stop, there's no need to profess so strongly how proud you are of your desire to use what society considers "foul" language.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 6:05 PM

There has been a public shift in the definition of decency and speech is reflective of that. I was taught that to speak in "street talk" reflected badly on my upbringing. I was raised to speak to others with respect and in an educated manner. When parents change those standards, thier children do the same. They can't change that unless they see some value in changing. She told you that she loves using that type of language. The offensive nature of her language makes her happy. Self gratification is usually the reason for most public shows of "non-polite" behavior. Rebelling against traditional mores.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 6:22 PM

I'd be glad to keep to g rated myself. And as an atheist, I'd much appreciate a silence of religious terminology as well.

Monday, April 16, 2007, 6:39 PM

4:39 - Read the request again. There was no demand of compliance - there was no "expectation" of change - no effort to control. There was a simple request to "curb" (not necessarily eliminate) the foul language. In the last line, there were thanks issued to any who chose to honor the request.

Does a willingness to express your own needs and desires really represent "shrinkage" of character to you? In most circles, that is what we are encouraged to do --- express our desires. There's a thing generally known as compromise. It happens when the desires of two opposing sides are expressed and some middle ground is found that satisfies some of the needs of both sides. Both sides then agree to make some concession. One never finds middle ground unless the opposing desires are first recognized. What is "inconsiderate" is a refusal to even attempt to find that middle ground.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 1:09 AM

4:39

I did not say I personally was unable to compromise, all I said was that the OP needs to lighten up and not expect the world to change to meet his/her standards. You all need to chill out.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 7:54 AM

1:09 As I said, from the original post, the poster did not "expect" anything -- that was your assumption.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 7:56 AM

If the OP had no expectations, then why would she even post this? Just because she felt like moaning? Gimme a break, stop backpedaling.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 8:55 AM

In the "old days" people encouraged those around them to improve thier bahavior..for thier own and society's improvement. Better education, better work ethic better personal habits, better grammer, better morals for a successful, more orderly life. With a tendency to foul language that becomes so familiar and integral to one's usual manner..I believe that a person limits themselves..you fit right in with the bar room but what about other situations. I think in general, someone who has reverted to foul language in public, is considered to be out of control, undisciplined or just from an uneducated background.
My parents had very little formal education, but it was important to them that I always act like a considerate member of our society. Part of that is my demaenior and to be well spoken.
Foul Speaker, you probably will never know how the impression that you give others by this manner of speech has damaged or cost you so far. The loser in this case is you for lowering yourself to street language..instead of a more polite and well mannered speech.
The OP, will teach her children and those she loves the benefit of not being "the sore thumb" in thier communication. I have remembered many people positively that spoke to me politely and kindly and with grace. Where as, I do remember some that swore like "truck drivers" as they say, and this is no compliment (sorry truck drivers) and most are repelled by them. If that's what you want..continue.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 9:04 AM

no request was made for the world to change to meet anyone's needs. this is a member driven site and based on support of each other. if we can't even politely tolerate a simple request to not purposely offend other members, how can we support each other fully? it seems to me that the 409 poster is more demanding about his/her own desires being met than the OP even came close to being. we get it, you have some need to curse and you have some fear of being controlled by an unknown fellow peertrainer member. what were your words...oh yeah, "lighten up....chill out."

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 9:16 AM

It amazes me that this request has gotten anyone in such an uproar. To me, the poster's request was no different than when my husband and I ride in a car together. He sometimes wants the window down. I usually prefer it up. I don't like the sound of the wind, as it distorts my ability to hear and speak to the others in the car, and, I don't like it blowing my hair all over the place. So, if he rolls down the window, and it is affecting me, I might politely ask him to roll it up. Sometimes, he does. Sometimes, he really wants to have the window down, and he'll say so - but he will usually try to roll it up part way or ask me if I can readjust myself in the seat so that the wind doesn't hit me so hard. Sometimes, we close the windows and turn on the A/C. He has never told me that I was inconsiderate to ask. This poster made a similar request - please do something for me to make the ride a little more pleasant. But, instead of an "okay" or even an "I really want it this way," what she got was more like a "you don't like the wind? --- how about if I spit in your face too? Will that make it better?" The person who needs to "lighten up" here is the person(s) who took such offense at a simple request.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 9:39 AM

I don't think there is an "uproar" happening. My issue is - who is to say what's offensive? I'm offended by a lot of things (confederate flags, people that get on the elevator before others get off, nepotism) but that's the beauty of America. You can politely ask me to change my language and I'm allowed to say no.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 10:31 AM

Agreed. The uproar is those who didn't just say "no."

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 10:37 AM

if you read the comments, many expressed disgust that the request was even made. i think that's what being called an uproar.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 10:48 AM

6:39,
I'm with you. If its going to be asked that 'offensive' words not be used, lets also include words 'offensive' to us atheists. Now that makes sense....

(about 50% sarcasm in this note, but not towards 6:39)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 11:15 AM

we can easily define what words can be deemed "offensive" by thinking about what words you would not use in a job interview. for most people, this eliminates what are referred to as "four letter words", but i think it's a pretty good guage for determination.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 11:18 AM

I am strongly Christan, and I would be just as happy if the names of Deity were not used here as well. See there -- progress! We agree.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 11:22 AM

I am strongly Jewish. What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 11:23 AM

This isn't a job interview.
There are no children present.
There's no family to offend.

This is a place for us to bitch about the trials and tribulations of weight loss. Now, I didn't call anyone a bitch, so it's different.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 12:42 PM

I didn't realize this was supposed to be a place to complain. I thought PEERtrainer was a place you were supposed to find "peers" who would support and help you in your fitness goals.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 12:55 PM

Lets make a list of all words we should not say...and then topics we should not cover...and then races and religions that should not use this website

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 12:56 PM

We're hungry and grouchy...that leads to complaining :)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 12:57 PM

12:56 How about if we just use common courtesy in all situations - recognizing that there is a diverse group here and we all try to be a little more considerate and a little less selfish instead?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 1:11 PM

1:11, that line doesn't even work that well on children. Why would it work here?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 1:57 PM

that line worked on me and it works on my children.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 2:16 PM

1:11 here...Firstly, I am not using this "inappropriate language" so I dont see how I am being inconsiderate. Secondly, my point was that since it IS a diverse community we can not abolish certain topics or words.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 2:25 PM

I don't understand why this is even a discussion. If we all expressed ourselves in the exact same way, we would be bored to tears. Get a life. Really.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 2:46 PM

Its to bad. No one ever wants to take responsibility. We can't stop kids from running into schools and shooting people, we can't stop people from spitting words of hate on their radio show, we can't stop people from badmouthing religion, we can't stop people from being sexist or rude or hateful and on and on and on. What can we do? We can't stop everyone, but we can stop ourselves. If your not making it better your making it worse. Thank you to those of you out there that are doing the right thing. I'm not trying to censor anyone but if you look at crime and hate in the 1980's and you look at it now things don't appear to be getting better.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 4:18 PM

there are bigger issues in this world people! everyone needs to lighten up!
why must we be so concerned about foul language, when and where we can use it, who we are offending if we do use it, etc..? If you don't like it, don't read it... and don't associate with people who use it! It's called personal choice!
I agree with the poster who stated that if the OP didn't want people to change, then they wouldn't have posted the comment to begin with!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007, 11:12 PM

9:04 get off your high horse
9:39 "can I spit in your face too" that is slightly extreme dont ya think and by the way you sound pretty high maintenance.
1:18 what type of job interview-probably not one as a bartender or several others for that matter
4:18 there has been crime and hate all throughout life so the 80's didnt have it right either. The only difference is now people take it to court (for the most part) instead of show downs at noon that the sheriff agrees to

Wednesday, April 18, 2007, 3:54 AM

3:54- Thanks for being so pleasant..................

From reading this tread it is easy to see that people who encourage and use foul language have the least amount of respect for others. Anger fuels that language and I hope those people take the time and enjoy life. Life is far to short to be selfish and angry.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007, 8:03 AM

Im not angry when I say the f-word in bed :)

Thursday, April 19, 2007, 3:50 AM

or selfish!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2007, 5:34 AM

the bed isn't PT.

Thursday, April 19, 2007, 7:42 AM

And PT isn't your grandparents' house.

Thursday, April 19, 2007, 9:58 AM

simple enough-- just respect other people

Friday, April 20, 2007, 9:04 AM

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