Impossible to keep healthy habits with a sabotaging spouse

my significant other finally got on a health kick, and for the first time I am being supported instead of sabotaged.

I feel for all of you out there who are fighting an uphill battle. It is basically impossible to stay on track unless you have support on the homefront.

Mon. Apr 9, 1:54pm

I'm in a group called "My boyfriend inhales pizza in front of me support group" - I think it's full, but I'd suggest creating a similar group if anyone is interested. It's great to bounce ideas off of each other of how to cook a healthy meal w/o him noticing how healthy it is, get in some exercise together, etc.

Monday, April 9, 2007, 2:09 PM

It really does make a huge difference when your partner is supportive ! My SO is naturally very thin and doesn't have to worry about what she eats at all. However, this is not true for myself..I have a really hard time controlling myself around junk food. I just want to eat it all !! Anyway, since I started PT and my weight loss journey , my girlfriend has been so supportive. We don't keep junk food at home anymore and if we eat out we always go somewhere I can get a healthy meal.

Monday, April 9, 2007, 2:12 PM

SO true!!! My spouse has been wonderful. He is naturally thin and definitely has a sweet tooth, but for me he reigns it in and doesn't keep junk in the house. When we go out - he'll often split something with me rather than the meal he was thinking of. And he does it all willingly, without being asked and without a word of complaint - just makes me melt sometimes. I would have had a lot more of a battle than I have without his steadfast support. He is my biggest cheerleader and not because he wants a skinny wife, but because he will support anything that helps me be a happier, healthier person.

Monday, April 9, 2007, 3:24 PM

I have actually recently run into this problem. My live-in boyfriend is also attempting to be more healthy but he is a terrible influence. As part of night-time rituals we often run out for a snack or drinks (non-alch). He also eats in bed! Technically he hasn't moved in yet but he will in a month or so. Any advice for "putting my foot down" food habit wise?

Monday, April 9, 2007, 5:11 PM

What I did was make very clear to my husband (boyfriend at the time) what I wanted of him. Specifically, if he was having a snack, I did not want him to offer me some. That's because one of the things that's hard for me is turning down food. That one helped immensely, but I had to tell him like 10 times before he stopped "feeling bad" about not offering me any. But, I just told him, over and over, I'm a big girl; if I want some, I can ask for some, and that's fine (he's not supposed to restrict me or babysit me, he's just not supposed to offer), and I can make my own snacks too.

What also helped was identifying the snacks that he likes that I don't particularly like, and encouraging him to buy those over the snacks that I really like. (For example, he loves Soft Batch cookies and also chewy chips ahoy. I love chewy chips ahoy, but for whatever reason really don't like Soft Batch - so he buys Soft Batch only.) Also, junk food stays on the way top shelf of our cabinet; I need a step stool to get to it, but he can easily reach. This, also, is huge. I can't just stop in front of the pantry and munch on the junk, b/c I can't reach it; it takes a bigger effort to get.

As for the rituals, you can always order a diet coke or something with little/no calories (or, if you go out for coffee, regular coffee, w/ a splash of skim, is not many calories, but a mocha is a ton - you may need to retrain your taste buds a bit, but you can do it.) Or, make new rituals, like going for walks, or playing games, etc. Or every time you think about going out for a snack, put the $10 you would spend in a jar; once in awhile, go out for a really nice dinner with all the money you saved up, or see a show, or buy something for the apartment that you couldn't have afforded before.

Guys are happy to please; they just need very specific instructions. "No junk in the house" wasn't going to work with my boy, so, the "dont' offer me your junk" worked just as well once we thought it through.

As for the eating in bed, maybe try reminding him to brush his teeth before bed, and make sure you do the same yourself. After the teeth are brushed, no more eating! I'm sure you can think of other ways to burn some calories, which are better with nice fresh breath anyway!

Monday, April 9, 2007, 5:24 PM

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