Keeping it in perspective/Keeping it real

On days when the weight loss is going slow and I'm a bit frustrated I remind myself that even though I'm overweight, there are people out there who would love to be where I'm at right now. I don't mean that it keeps us complacent, but that it validates us in a way that we say to ourselves, "I'm ok, I'm not going to be hard on myself. I'm going to continue working on my goal but where I'm at right now is someone else's goal."

Do you ever think about this and if you do does it help keep things in perspective for you?

Mon. Mar 5, 9:34am

I do sometimes think this, and no - it doesn't keep things in 'perspective'. Simply because that's not my perspective. It's all good and fine that my current weight may be someone else's goal, but it's not mine and I really don't care if I am the epitomy of someone else's goals or not, I want to meet mine.

I don't mean for the above to sound abrupt or harsh, but I measure myself by how well I attain my personal goals, not against the progress or goals of others.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 9:47 AM

for me, i don't gain much comfort from the thought either. maybe i am someone else's goal, but i don't want to settle for what someone else sees as an achievement. i mean, maybe someone else would choose to stay in a relationship with the schmuck i broke up with, but that's no reason for me to stop looking for someone who treats me right. i have my own goals in mind, and if along the way, i happen to reach someone else's goal, it's not going to stop me from pursuing mine. i feel best when i do the best i can do for myself, not when i can justify how NOT doing my best may give me results that are good enough for others.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 10:08 AM

OP here. It's not about somone liking the boyfriend that you didn't. It's about sisterhood. It's about knowing we're all (well, almost all of us) struggling with weight issues. It's about celebrating ourselves. It's about saying, "this is not where I want to be right now, and I'm working on it, but someone else out there would love to be where I am right now and they're working on it too." Does anyone else get this or is our society so selfish and self centered that they can't get that we are actually inspiring someone else without even knowing it? It's not about measuring yourself or comparing yourself with others. The original post didn't say to settle for the way you are. I even said I don't become complacent knowing this. It's not about having the same goal as someone else. Be proud of yourself for inspiring others. Celebrate the little things in life too.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 11:59 AM

i didn't know a debate was going to follow our responses. the op asked if the thought helped keep things in perspective, a couple of us answered that it did not, and now the op is justifying the feeling of comfort she gets from the thought. i just don't get the same feeling. i am not denying your feelings or trying to persuade you to think like i do. i just don't feel good because someone else in my position might feel good. call me selfish or self-centered, it is what it is, i am who i am. i do feel comforted by others who have been where i am now and have gone further...and if i inspire someone else without even knowing it, how would i be able to react to that? if i don't know about it, i don't know about it.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 12:06 PM

I see what you're saying, OP and I totally agree. It's really about just having a moment of gratitude for all of the good things in my life. I'm hard on myself mentally about my weight but I realize that I probably am someone else's goal weight. It is about perspective.

This goes beyond weight for me too. This is so OT so I'm sorry but I was just reading about "Untouchables or Dalits" in India and I just really felt an intense sense of gratitude for where I am in life.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 12:20 PM

9:47 poster here. I responded to the OP where the question was : "Do you ever think about this and if you do does it help keep things in perspective for you?"

The answer was: yes, I do occasionally think about it (although usually someone is pointing it out to me as in: 'why aren't you eating dessert? What? But you're skinny! I'd love to be the weight you are.'), and no - the thought doesn't really do much for me. Well that was an honest answer - sorry that's not acceptable.

Guess I'm selfish, not a 'team player' and certainly not part of the 'sisterhood' (which I didn't know about).

Monday, March 5, 2007, 1:22 PM

OP - I think I know what you mean, but for me I think it's more a gratefulness thing.

Rather than thinking "I should be happy because there are others that wish they only had 10 pounds to lose", it's "I'm so grateful I only have 10 pounds to lose and am so close to my goal and that I don't have all of the health problems that go along with being 100 pounds overweight..."

It certainly does keep things in perspective.
I had what I thought was a binge one day and was beating myself up over it. Then I realized I should have been glad it was only a couple hundred calories and I was able to be grateful that I have never been compelled to eat thousands of calories in a binge, or feel so bad I go throw up, etc etc

Monday, March 5, 2007, 1:26 PM

For me, the thought is not comforting - it's a lame consolation prize.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 2:41 PM

i have reflective moments and meditative times when i purposely remind myself of all i have to be grateful about, but these are not triggered by the days when the weight loss is going slow or when i'm at something of a stand-still. they come over me during times of self-assessment or when i am trying to re-establish my goals, figure out where i am in terms of reaching them. the whole idea of someone else trying to reach the sucess i have experienced does not drive me forward, but looking back at where i started from and seeing how far i have come makes a difference in how i deal with the down-times. i just don't compare myself to others that much.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 2:48 PM

Wow, I think the first 2 responses to the OP were odd and defensive sounding. I also think they missed what the OP was really getting at.

I think the OP was talking about the fact that no matter what your goals are, how most of us beat ourselves up over a small set back or slip, how we berate ourselves at times is to hard on ourselves. That we should celebrate the fact that we have accomplished some things and even though we may not be where we want to be at the moment that someone else out there is having the same struggles, issues and would love to be where anyone of us are right now. So yes OP I think remembering that helps to put things in perspective.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 4:31 PM

because i did not share the OP's opinion, my response is defensive and odd? i really was just weighing in on the discussion. yeah, i don't agree, but i was not disagreeable in my comments. i get the whole idea of gratitude, but not in the context in which the question was asked. weight-loss is not an area where i regard my triumphs/failures as reflective of my overall potential. i try more to be a generous, accepting person who makes a point of making time for others on a daily basis. i do not feel a need to find hidden ways in which my efforts to lose weight may be benefitting others.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 4:51 PM

No your not odd but the way you said what you said came off to a lot of people as very quick to get defensive for some reason. How can you not reflect on your triumphs and failures? Isn't that the only way we really learn, by our mistakes? I think you are missing the whole point. You say "i do not feel a need to find hidden ways in which my efforts to lose weight may be benefitting others." No one was talking about hidden ways your efforts benefit others. Again I think you need to read the post again, either you just don't understand what the OP was saying or your not capable.

Monday, March 5, 2007, 5:40 PM

"On days when the weight loss is going slow and I'm a bit frustrated I remind myself that even though I'm overweight, there are people out there who would love to be where I'm at right now....Do you ever think about this and if you do does it help keep things in perspective for you? "

my answer is still "no", weight loss struggles do not bring about reflective moments about others' struggles. i understand the posting clearly. i also do participate in meditation, but as i said, it's not as a response to how poorly my weight-loss efforts are paying off.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007, 8:51 AM

i agree with 851. i also do not correlate weight loss with inner-reflection. i feel like, i gained this weight and now i need to work to take it off. it's not some deep, profound experience for me, just a thing i need to do. when it all slows down, i need to change. i am not encouraged by or reminded of the ways others struggle during these slow periods. i get inspired by and think about others' struggles when i am going strong and haven't skipped a beat with regard to my exercising and eating well.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007, 1:42 PM

You are inspired by other people's struggles when you're going strong rather than your own achievements? Seems like that is something you should reflect upon.

I think it is about being grateful. Tomorrow is not a promise. Enjoy every breath you're allowed to take in this life. Say something kind to yourself every day.

Thursday, March 8, 2007, 2:52 PM

don't tell me to reflect upon my own philosophy. what gives one person inspiration may not (obviously) work for another. the point is to be motivated by SOMETHING, right? do what works for you.

Thursday, March 8, 2007, 3:17 PM

reflect upon your own philosophy

Thursday, March 8, 2007, 9:24 PM

9:24 - that's funny! : )
wow - such strong feelings from everyone over a seemingly mellow post.
to add my $.02, and just being honest - I sometimes think about my "before" being someone else's "after" and it does make me feel a little better, but not in a "sisterhood" type way. Just the opposite, actually. Almost like saying, "well, at least I'm not THAT fat!" Awful, but true.
And, no, it doesn't really help motivate me. Looking at pictures of myself, back when I looked great (which I had worked hard to achieve before becoming pregnant, and now starting over again) really help motivate me. If I could do it before, I can do it again!

Thursday, March 8, 2007, 9:39 PM

So much anger and negativity on peertrainer posts. It's no wonder I rarely visit them. So many people seem to have the need to be oppositional about the most trivial things.

Friday, March 9, 2007, 7:36 AM

i think it mostly boils down to controlling others. people who cannot control themselves try to control others. the best/funniest thing on this thread is that it is aspousing sisterhood and supporting each other in our struggles...the message is lost.

Friday, March 9, 2007, 9:27 AM

9:27 I like your perspective. So right on!

Saturday, March 10, 2007, 2:16 PM

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