How often do you have sex?

So my fiance and I have been together for over five years. We do it on average 1 or 2 times a month, maybe three. However it's not uncommon for us to go a month or so without doing the deed. I have always felt my drive to be stronger than my fiance's and it starting to really bother me. I'm wondering how long you've been with your partner and how many times over the course of a month you have sex. Be honest please. :)

Wed. Feb 7, 2:25am

I have been with my bf for two years. 4-8 times a month is average. Never been less than 4 times though.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 9:10 AM

Been with my husband 8 years and generally it's 2-4 times a week unless we're traveling. Used to be almost daily, so neither of us are entirely happy with this, but I guess the honeymoon can't last forever. There's plenty of times when the spirit is willing but the flesh is just plain tired!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 9:53 AM

We've been married for 5 months, been together for 2.5 years, been living together for over a year. We're probably around twice a week. I think it's winter's fault; we're both at work until it's dark out, and that makes us tired; by 9pm, we're asleep on the couch!!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 10:09 AM

i was just thinking about this the other day

i'm a single parent and the last time i did it was when i conceived my child, 5 years ago. do i have issues?? (retorical question..)

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 10:53 AM

Totally honest. I have sex with my husband of 4 and a 1/2 years, 2 to 3 times a week. If we had it as infrequent as you do, OP, he would be getting it from somewhere else. He is a healthy viral man who needs sex more than 2 to 3 times a month.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 10:55 AM

We have only been together a little over a year and we live together. When things are going good and life is good....we are doing it every day, but when life - i.e., work, stress, etc gets in the way....it is a little less frequent, 1-2 times per week.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 11:11 AM

We've been married 10 years. Usually it's once a week, sometimes twice.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 11:43 AM

10:53 poster -
I'm in the same boat ! haven't had sex in a few years ! not sure what my issue is.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 12:00 PM

My husband and I will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary in April but we've been together for 11+ years now.

We have sex usually at least 2-3 times a week, unless someone is sick or something like that.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 12:08 PM

Married for 15 years, usually once a week, sometimes twicw and sometimes none if circumstances get in the way like illness, business travel, etc.

But I don't think there is a "normal" number. If you are both satisfied with the frequency, who cares? If one or both of you are not satisfied, you have an issue to deal with.

I think my husband and are are well-matched and neither of us is dissatisfied. We rarely turn down advances from one another and always enjoy ourselves, oftern commenting "we should do this more often". But life get's in the way and we accept it. We are both looking forward to retirement when life might be a little more controlled and offer more opportunities.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 12:13 PM

Just over three months together, obviously not living together, so 3-4 times a week. It would be more but he works out for an hour or two at the gym and exhausts himself, so occasionally, he's asleep within an hour of eating dinner....

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 12:18 PM

with my partner for 6ish years, living together for 2. We have sex about 3-8 times a month. Mostly on the weekends. If we are travelling then it is less frequent. :(

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 12:19 PM

wait! I was the 12:19 poster, and I want to clarify that there is a LOT of cuddling and affection. We go to sleep and the same time and sleep right up close to each other. I'm not upset about the frequency of sex, but I do wish we had more relaxed and slower lives so there was more time and energy for it.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 12:23 PM

Married 2.5 years, in a good month it's 5-6 times, most often 3-4. We've been together for 8 years.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 12:47 PM

Been w/ my boyfriend for 2.5 years, living together for more than a year-have sex between 3-6 times a month. I really wish it was more often-I'm the one that has the higher sex drive in the relationship, and he works long hours at a stressful job, so unfortunately the last thing he's thinking about is sex when he gets home. :( luckily, we have a lot of cuddling and affection in our relationship-but still, sometimes a girl just wants some ACTION!!!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 1:08 PM

ok I have to chime in

I've been living with my boyfriend for 2 years... and in that 2 years we both put on about 50lbs each..

sex became virtually non existent.. i didn't even want to take my clothes off in front of him...

now i've lost about 25lbs and he's lost 30lbs... and we feel great... but don't have sex that much more often... maybe 2 a month...

i get ready for it every weekend, i shave my legs, i don't deny him of it... but we just get so tired.. and it doesn't happen... and i'm ok with it..

bleh.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 1:33 PM

I'm the spunky one...

My hubby and I have been married 11 years and together about 13. We usually get busy 3-4 times a week. I'd prefer more often, but he's got the lower drive. Yes, life gets busy and yes, there are times when we're both tired, but there comes a point where you make the decision to be intimate and the action will follow! We are also very physically affectionate in other ways and I would say it's a defining factor in the strength of our relationship that helps lead into more emotional "touching" as well.

Some days you just have to fake it 'til you make it!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 2:03 PM

My wife gave birth four months ago and then went back to work. She's always tired, so it's about once ever two weeks (if I'm lucky).

I'm not happy with this situation at all, but oh well.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 3:11 PM

We've been together 5 years, married for 3, and we (or perhaps I) are(am) lucky if it's more than once every six weeks or so. Generally we're both OK with that. Kids, my running a business and his work are all stressful so sex goes out the window so to speak. I also agree with 1:33 pm poster - I had put on weight but have lost some now, so I am back to feeling more attractive. But, he's put on >70 lbs. since we met, so I am not as attracted as I used to be. I love him dearly and he's a great step-dad to my kids, but the drive just isn't there.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 3:40 PM

my wife and I haven't had sex in 4 years ! we use to have a very active sex life , but it gradually ground to a halt. I use to try and talk to her about what was going on , but to be honest , it was just so difficult. She would get very defensive with me and not want to talk about it. I suggested we go to counseling , but she didn't want to. She grew up in chaotic household with a lot of verbal / physical abuse (possible sexual abuse as well) and I think this is the root of her intimacy issues. Over the past few years I started to gain weight , in response to just feeling so bad about myself. Well , thanks to peertrainer I have lost all that extra weight and am now in the best shape of my life ! And not a big surprise , my sex drive has returned ! And now I'm waking up to how crazy my no sex marriage is. I really love my wife , but I'm not sure how to go forward now. Do I just realize that my wife is never going to have a strong sex drive and live with it ? Or should I make plans to seperate from my wife ? Any advice would be helpful. Thanks for listening.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 4:53 PM

You could try to talk to your wife again. But, instead of asking her about her issues, which she probably doesn't want to talk about, try mentioning to her how pretty she looks, or how XYZ clothing brings out the blue in her eyes, or how sexy her new haircut is, etc. The more you compliment her (but, it has to be sincere), the better she'll feel about herself. Offer to give her backrubs, foot rubs, etc. Hold her hand when you're out doing something. Then, after awhile, bring up sex, or maybe it'll happen naturally. All of the affection, over time, might make her interested again!

Not saying this is you, but, it's like, my husband used to try so hard to impress me and get me in the mood, etc, when we first started dating. But, now, he doesn't put forth any effort at all. This morning, I was sound asleep and he reached over and put his hand down my pants and expected me instantaneously to be in the mood! It just doesn't work like that!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 5:52 PM

My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years and have lived together 3 years. We have sex 1-2 times per week. I used to have the stronger drive but now he lusts after me more, even after a 30 lb weight gain. My drive is lowered due to exhaustion, not feeling attractive and just feeling like my too big body (80+ lbs overweight) is in the way during the deed. I know this will change as I lose weight. I know he would like to have sex more often.
To the 4:53pm poster: this always works for me. When my fiance wants to have sex and he knows I don't, he'll ask me to turn off all the electronic distractions & come lie with him on our bed for some "us" time. (he's always very affectionate, in & out of bed) Then we'll just talk, cuddle, & he'll relax me w/ lots of special attention (back rubs, foot rubs, etc) until I'm in the mood. When he takes that kind of time for me and shows me how much he loves and cares, I never turn him down. ~~~~ Good luck to you.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 6:10 PM

I'm laughing at the typo in the 10:55 post: "viral man." Lemme tell ya, if that "Y" chromosome was catching, I'd never get in bed with a man again! :D

We're in a long-distance relationship. We have sex 3-5 times a month, all in one weekend.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 6:45 PM

My DH and I've been together over 8 years, married 1 1/2 years. We have sex about once a week.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 6:57 PM

Married 3 1/2 years. About 2 years ago I figured out I was the only one initiating sex. A year ago I got tired of being the only one initiating things, so I stopped and waited for him to show interest. I'm still waiting.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 7:58 PM

To the 4:53 Poster in a sexless marraige..

I am no expert, but no one should have to live in a sexless marraige. But instead of asking her what is wrong, maybe you can approach your wife by telling her how YOU feel. Tell her you are unhappy. That you want to have sex and are attracted to her but feel like she isn't interested and that it hurts you. Tell her that you feel the healthiest you have in years, but are missing the intimate part of your relationship and are having a hard time accepting it. Ask her if she is willing to help YOU. And if she says yes, ask her to go tou counseing with you. If she says no, you have your answer.

But give your wife another chance and if you have to, be very honest that you worry about whether you can live in a sexless relationship indefinitely. If that doesn't scare her into action, then nothing will. You deserve a sex life.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 8:56 PM

We've been together over five years. I would say the average is about 3 times a week. Sometimes more. Sometimes more. For a couple months after Hurricane Katrina, we had to move in with my parents and we also took in a friend who also lost everything... so our sex life took a toll during that time. Once we got another place, it was back to normal.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007, 10:22 PM

My husband and I have been married for 5.5 years, but we've lived physically apart for about the same period of time (we've been together nearly 11 years). We have sex about once a year. We definitely have issues, including both of us being on SSRIs that significantly reduce our drives and we also each work 70-100 hours a week.

We both know we need help but we're working on it. Prior to getting married, going to grad school, and all that, we were getting it on about 5 times a week.... I've forgotten what that's like and I miss it.

Thursday, February 8, 2007, 2:38 AM

My hubby and I have been married about 1.5 years and together 3 years. He's also on Peertrainer so I don't know if he'll figure out it's me (brightnshiny), but I would say we have sex about 2 times/week. I went through a phase where I didn't want it more than a couple of times a month (also possibly as a result of weight gain). We also comment that since we are both so good at it and both enjoy it so much, we should be doing it more!

Thursday, February 8, 2007, 3:47 PM

hubby and i have been together for 17 yrs. some times we have sex 2-3 times a day. maybe 1 x a week. or maybe once in two weeks. sometimes life gets in the way but you have to catch a moment out of the air every once in awhile. the funny thing i have discovered is you may not know that you need it but if make a random advance whenever you have a stolen moment it will seem like you have been craving it. also it seems the more you have sex the more you want.

Thursday, February 8, 2007, 5:17 PM

2/7/07; 10:55am

LOL re: "Viral" man.
LOL
LOL
LOL

Friday, February 9, 2007, 12:13 AM

add-on...

especially since he would be getting it "elsewhere" if not with you...
priceless!
LOL
That was a good one

Friday, February 9, 2007, 12:17 AM

To the original poster,
I had the same situation with my first fiance. He just never seemed to want it. After we married, it did not improve, it got worse. I got tired of being the ONLY person to initiate (Girls like to be wanted) so I stopped initiating. 6 to 10 weeks would go by before I would break down and ask. I tried everything I could think of. We had other issues, too. Turns out he was addicted to porn, and I just could not compete with the fantasies, and the glossy spreads and the poses.

It never got any better.

Friday, February 9, 2007, 6:52 AM

For the man in the sexless marriage. I really feel for you. It sounds like this change in the marriage contract is something that was not mutually discussed and agreed upon. You have gotten really very good advice from 2 of these posters

The fact is,you DO deserve loving sex, and if you do your best to make certain it is not an issue that you have contributed to, like neglect or callousness, and you are upfront in owning to your own needs, rather than focusiing her failings, and if you do NOT want to divorce your wife, Then maybe you should consider offering her a choice. Would she be willing to go with you to get help to resolve things, would she be willing to start being a wife in bed as well as out of bed: OR would she prefer you take a long term mistress.

If she chooses that, get it in writing, have it notorized (they only want to see you sign the paper, they don't care what the paper says), and find a clean mistress who won't mind that she only has you part time. That is if you do NOT want to divorce your wife, and you may very well not want to. It does not have to be an either or situation.

In my opinion, your wife has broken the marriage contract. Probaby it can be fixed. If you love her so much, she probably is not an inherently selfish person. And she is probably very faithful to your interests. It sounds like you are good friends. But you are not a selfish person for feeling like something has been taken away without your input. You are not selfish for needing sex.
Best of luck to the both of you

Friday, February 9, 2007, 7:09 AM

Married 4 months. Together for 6 years. It depends on the amount of stress I'm dealing with. If it was up to hubby, we would do it every day! We probably do it once or twice a week on average. But it's more like NONE for two weeks, and then LOTS for two, three, or four days in a row. I would love to have the drive I used to have before we shared bills!

Friday, February 9, 2007, 2:42 PM

Under what circumstances do you have sex?

OP here,
Last week my fiance propsed having a date night every week, we're starting this week with it. I have not yet spoken with him regarding my original posting so at first I though it was far too coincidental that he would bring a date night up. Could he be feeling the same way although he consistently denies my advances? I am curious what it will bring-I'll fill y'all in tuesday morning.

Since my original posting I have been thinking and reading all of your postings and I want to take the posting a litt farther...under what circumstances do you have sex? i.e. only in the bedroom after a shower,only in the car, whenever-wherever? Again, be ashonest as possible.
Here goes nothing...
When we do have sex there are certain criteria we have to follow:
-my fiance doesnt enjoy kissing that much so if we are going to kiss both of us need to brush our teeth. It freaks him out if we dont have "clean mouth", it always has.
-we or atleast I have to be showered and if oral sex (for me) is in the cards, it's only done if I have come right out of a shower and he has "secretly" smelled the area first. Then when he does perform oral sex it's over as it started.
-we can never use any kind of lubricant...ever. Guess I'm just curious about the stuff.
-it's quick. four play is mostly non-existent. He wakes up in the middle of the night after we have been dead-asleep for a while and just puts his hand down my pants. I hate having sex while I am asleep but I know it's the only chance I hav of getting any.
Never thought I could say that my sex life sucks-but it does. :( I love the guy to death though and he really is perfect in every other way-ugh...

Sunday, February 11, 2007, 5:46 PM

I'm the 7:58 poster whose husband hasn't initiated sex in over 2 years. During our first year of marriage he would initiate about once a month. He'd wait until I was half asleep, then say "let's have sex." There was none of that newlywed anytime anywhere stuff. He also didn't even notice me or think about sex any other time during the day. I could undress in front of him and he'd accuse me of blocking the tv. And yes we have talked about this. We've even been to marriage counseling where he "suddenly" realized that I wanted to be pursued (and forgot that he suddenly realized the same thing a few months ago, and a few months before that, and a few months before that.) Then he lies to the counselor and says he is pursuing me, though I can't figure out what the hell he is doing. He hasn't touched me in over a year.

Sunday, February 11, 2007, 5:55 PM

Hey, 5:55, (right above) my first gut was that he's having an affair but maybe he's gay. He deserves to be happy too and if he's gay, maybe he should pursue it.

Sunday, February 11, 2007, 6:05 PM

Once every 4 Months

Over the last five years!

Totally SUCKS!!!
Forces me to compare to previous boyfriends,
where we would have sex all the time.

There's been no drastic changes in our lives, no weight gain, no changes of jobs, no serious additional stresses.
What do you do when you just don't have the same sex drives?
... I get tired of always being the seductress damnit.

Sunday, February 11, 2007, 8:56 PM

I'm 5:55

Well, first the problem was daily internet pornography. Then it was depression. Then it was anti-depressants which decreased his sex drive. But he's been off of those for months now.

It's funny, 6:05, that you say maybe he's gay. I tell myself that too. He would totally shoot it down if I ever suggested it. (And how do you politely tell your husband you think he's gay anyway?) But I have to tell myself that, because the other options are that he is having an affair, or I am extremely unattractive. I know he's not depressed anymore. I know he's not looking at pornography because I go through all of the computer history. So I tell myself that he is gay while I am try to plan the best exit strategy.

Sunday, February 11, 2007, 10:20 PM

yeah, maybe twice a month. sometimes three - we seriously never have time.

Sunday, February 11, 2007, 10:25 PM

OP - in my opinion, what you describe in your 5:46 post does not sound like a healthy sex life. Regardless of how often you have sex, there are some other underlying problems there - maybe they are more intimacy issues than just sexual issues.

My BF and I have sex 2-3 times a week, and it happens because we're attracted to each other and enjoy being intimate with each other.

Monday, February 12, 2007, 9:16 AM

I talked to my husband about this post last night.

As my husband and I were driving home from a weekend visit with the family, I brought this post up to him. He was very curious as to how often other people have sex and if we are "normal". I told him that everyone was all over the map, but there were a lot of responses that read "once per week"- just like us.

I told him about how some of the people on here are married and are having almost no sex life. He was really shocked. He told me that in his opinion if a wife was persuing her husband and the husband was always turning her down that he's probably cheating on her, or gay, or has some other deep issues. He said that all I would have to do is hint around that I might be interested and he's ready to go!

My sex-drive is radically lower than my husband's, and he understands this. He told me that it would make him happy to have sex about twice per week (he's probably averaging my limited sex-drive with his over-active one and trying to meet in the middle-haha).

I can't imagine what it would feel like to not have my husband desire me. I feel really sad when I read some of the other posts-especially your's OP. What you describe sounds a bit mentally abusive. I know everyone's sex life is different...but what you describe doesn't sound very loving or nurturing. Do you think he's been taught to feel guilty about sex?

As for criteria:
-kissing is always and often and everywhere
-shower or no shower-it doesn't matter (unless we just got back from the gym)
-he loves giving and getting oral, and never stops until I'm satisfied
-four-play/after play almost always. Usually we go about 45-60 minutes, last night it was 2 hours.

Not bragging (well, maybe just a little). I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to have a bad sex life. We are not always in sync, and it has taken a lot of conversation to get to where we are now. Good luck OP!

Together 6 years, married 5 months.

-

Monday, February 12, 2007, 2:03 PM

OP in response to your post at 5:46 pm (feb 11):

about your questions:

my boyfriend and i usually have sex in the bedroom, most often at night before we fall asleep, or in the afternoon after a shower on the weekends. we occasionally will have sex in the bathroom, or in the livingroom (we use condoms, so spontaneity of location sometimes limits that). a shower before is nice, but definitely not necessary! kissing is something we do all the time.

about your situation:
please talk to your fiance, and think about going to see a counselor. if you are planning on marrying this man, this is how your sex life will be FOREVER unless you do something about it.
-he should want to kiss you, always!!! yes, we all enjoy a fresh, minty kiss, but this is your love, should it matter?
-oral sex is not dirty, a woman's vagina is supposed to have some scent, and if he deems you unlcean (and you don't think you have an infection of any kind), then he has the problem with the human body, not you.
-a lot of men don't like lubricant-they think if you need it, or want it, they aren't turning you on enough, which isn't always the case. lubricant can be a very very normal part of any sexual activity.
-you deserve foreplay, you deserve someone wooing you a litttle. some of us may occasionally want the "hand down the pants" like that, but not everytime one initiates sex.

to me, it sounds like your fiance may have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and it's limiting both your lives if that is the case. you say this man is perfect in every other way-but it sounds like you want, and deserve more. please go talk to a counselor about the situation with or without him. you will be happier for it! good luck! i hope everything works out for you!

Monday, February 12, 2007, 2:25 PM

Feb. 7th, 10:09am poster here

I feel bad for the few recent posters, but can sympathize as well. When my husband and I first started dating, we wanted each other all the time, and everything was great! Now, I think my husband is getting lazy, and we have a "routine," which I don't like much. I've tried discussing it with him, but he gets very frusterated and says that it's really hard to get me to react to what he does. But, I think if he'd just try to pay attention, it really wouldn't be that hard. I think, whenever we're having sex, I'll say "ooh, that feels good," and he'll almost immediately start doing something different! Makes no sense to me!

Also, he's really big (I guess I'm fortunate?), but, he doesn't like lubricant either, so if he doesn't take the time to get me totally in the mood, either it hurts me, or sometimes I'm just too lazy to bother, b/c I know it'll take a lot of effort just to get it to work, and it'll probably hurt! I wish he'd take the time to try and get me in the mood, but most of the time, he has bad breath and just wants to "pump away," which does nothing at all for me!

Or, the latest is, he'll get on top and grind on me until I come, and then a second later, say "get on top and ride me!" - I'm sooo worn out, the last thing I want to do is get on top! I tell him this over and over again, but, nothing...

Hopefully we'll figure this out soon!!

Monday, February 12, 2007, 3:39 PM

wow! i am totally shocked! some peoples' experiences sound a bit like date-rape, except for the fact that most have given consent. the poster who endures mid-sleep sex because she wants to get-it-while-she-can really pulls at my heart strings! obviously there is not as much communication within other marriages as i used to think existed. best wishes to all who are trying to better their situation!!

Monday, February 12, 2007, 4:04 PM

Hmm, just want to comment on a few other comments :-)

Some people just don't enjoy kissing that much, and I'm one of them. Some of my boyfriends have loved that fact (they say women are always wanting to suck face) but my husband doesn't. He could kiss me for hours. Also, I'm definitely not OCD (really) but I do prefer to have sex when we've both showered. It's not a pre-req, but, for example, I seriously dislike having sex first thing in the morning when I feel dirty.

The inequality of sex drives seems to be a big deal for a lot of people. I could go without it entirely, but that's not my choice. I have zero libido due to meds, but I know that when I have it, I'll enjoy it... so I make the effort.

Monday, February 12, 2007, 4:37 PM

OP here

Thank you so much for all of your feed-back. It's good to vent and hear your opinions. My fiance does have a bit of OCD problems and has gotten better with it throughout other aspects of his daily life. He has not taken medications for it but has had some pretty intense "episodes" of it since I have know him. He is relentless with keeping everything clean and organized and after constant reminding and pleading he has gotten better with it. I guess when it comes to sex he needs to hear it as well. I mean, why would I think that sex would be any different than keeping the carpet vacuumed? His mind is always set on this "clean dial" no matter what the situation. With that being said, I don't think I could do counseling. I'm just not there yet. I think I'm going to talk to him first and really get my feelings and thoughts across. He is very understanding and always willing to listen. I know our sex life may sound like a form of torture for others and in a way it is but I know it's going to get better-it has to.

Monday, February 12, 2007, 5:48 PM

Wow OP, that sucks.
I too am in a long-term relationship that has evolved into a bad-sex relationship. We used to have great sex a few times a week. Now, we averge about 3 times a month and like you, it's usually in the middle of the night. I hate it-but we just live with it. Weird to think we can't talk about it...

Monday, February 12, 2007, 5:59 PM

OP Here again

Don't mean to add insult to injury here but you should know I have "faked it"

...EVERYTIME...

Jeez, it just keeps getting more pathetic as I keep thinking about it...

Monday, February 12, 2007, 6:03 PM

I have never had an orgasm from sex, however I have never "faked it". It's something my husband and I work on all the time. I believe it is due to issues I had in the past. I do really enjoy sex with him though and we have sex at least twice a week, sometimes more.
And I don't enjoy sex first thing in the morning either, I prefer to be "clean"!

Monday, February 12, 2007, 6:17 PM

Wow, I must say that I've never met a guy who objected to lubricant -- and have met several who just _loved_ it. That's the single strangest thing I've read here, I think. Do these guys like the idea they are hurting you? What is their problem?

Monday, February 12, 2007, 7:00 PM

I have no idea what's going on about the lubricant. Really, I have never met a guy who was into it. I don't even know how I would approach my boyfriend with it!

Monday, February 12, 2007, 7:18 PM

My husband and I have a great sex life. It hasn't always been that way though. I think just like other aspects of a relationship, the more you put into it the more you get out of it. Open lines of communication are essential. If you're not happy with your sex life you need to be able to talk about it openly. The more effort put into improving your sex life the better it will be. My husband and I put a lot of effort into being great partners for each other and, believe me, that effort has paid off. :)

Monday, February 12, 2007, 7:36 PM

this is the best thread i've seen on PT in a year! i also have a subpar sex life, but this post is making me really want to do something about it! i think back to when my husband and i were dating and the number of times we had sex in a month back then is more than what we've done in our marriage (5.5 years). i'm depressed now.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 5:44 AM

My husband and I have been together 5 years. When we first got married it was at least 2-3 times a week. then I noticed it was because I initiated it. So I stopped and waited to see if he would......took him 2 weeks! I was dying by then. Of course whenever it's that time of the month he also wants it....seems to be a thing where if he cant have it he wants it and if doesnt get it for a long time he will go for it but I cant wait that long. I jusI was devastated and fealt very unattractive. We talked about it and he said that's just how he is and he is very attracted to me. For a long time i let it bother me. Now I just realize that I have a stronger drive than he and when I want it I am going to have to go for it....at least he doesnt turn me down when I do! I felt I was just being stubborn during the drought times.
Of course now we are trying to have a baby so we are having it every other day!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 8:20 AM

I been with my husband for 7 years, married for 6. In the beginning we had sex everyday sometimes twice a day. Now on average it is every other day.

Sex is always better in the beginning. Its new and exciting and your still discovering each other. Not that it gets bad, but its just different.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 4:38 PM

so, what happens when you are unsatisfied with your sex life, you talk about it with your partner and both agree to change. then you change and your partner doesn't. then you talk about it again - then the cycle keeps repeating itself. in other words, your partner continues to promise to change and doesn't. then what?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 5:14 PM

To OP:

Please don't marry this guy. I have seen to many marriages come and gone based on "I know it's going to get better-it has to." Marriage isn't like walking through the door to Narnia where all of a sudden everything is magic. And I don't mean that to sound condescending, it's just that so many people think that getting married is going to "fix" whatever issues they're having beforehand and it doesn't. What your sex life is now is exactly how it will always be. Think about spending the next 50 with bad sex.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 8:06 PM

"What your sex life is like now is how it will always be" isn't true for everyone. My husband and I have had many ups and downs with our sexual relationship, and I think it just gets better and better. We talk about everything. And when we fight, it's usually because we haven't had that quality time together for a while.

To the OP: If you're not willing to go to counceling, do you think maybe you're hoping the relationship will end? That you don't really want to try because you already have your mind set and you want out of the relationship? Maybe you just want to keep your private life to yourself? Have you thought about buying a relationship workbook? You wouldn't have to bring in a third party and you don't have to leave your house. Maybe this could be fun for both of you and would open up doors that have been shut for a while?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 8:31 PM

we've been married for almost 7 years; together for 8, and like the last poster, we too have had ups and downs, but over all it has gotten better. It may have been more "thrilling" at the beginning, but it's more fulfilling and physically pleasureable now. I can't believe it can still be "new" - but it can!! And I don't mean we're not doing anything drastic or weird.
Oh, so to answer the original question - we have sex once or twice a week. We both wish it could be more often, but life, kids, work, etc. get in the way. But we're both on the same page, so it works for us. If one of us was happy and the other not, we would have problems. But we know the lack of sex isn't due to lack of desire. And that desire actually drews us closer together.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 10:33 PM

OP...we had our date night

I absolutely do not want the relationship to end. We have been engaged for as half as long as we have been together so I don't think that by getting married I will be entering the "gates of Narnia" and that everything will be "fixed". I guess that's why I started asking around, to see what the "real deal" was. The workbook idea is a good one, perhaps I'll check out the bookstore tomorrow to see what they have.

So, date night when like this:
We had dinner (he made it) and dessert (he made it) and watched a movie. He was sick (I was too) and not really "in the mood" I fell asleep sort of annoyed but understanding that we were just not in the right "place" and not because of anyone's fault. It always great to hang out with him, he's my best friend -it was pretty near perfect actually. He smoothed moisturizer on my legs and feet and really gave me full attention. You should know he does this all the time, I am not deprived of affection or love. Anyway, overall it was great-just no "action." I'm feeling good about things already...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 2:10 AM

To the original poster,
Please stop "faking" it. As long as you fake it, he will never be able to learn you. see if you two can't get some obsessive/complusive energy directed toward fulfilling you. Not a bad thing really, for a guy to get obsessive about.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:16 AM

by the way, I was the last poster, and I am a male

Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 11:17 AM

Sounds like a wonderful date night-even without the "action". I'm glad that you aren't looking to split and think the workbook might be worth a try! If you really want things to change, they can! Think good thoughts!

...but, I agree with the last poster, stop faking it! That's not going to help him or you! Give him some direction-most men are very willing to please. So, give him a chance!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 12:36 PM

OP-Major Breakthrough Lastnight

Jeez, I can't believe I post all these lame details but...

Last night we had sex. I, for the first time EVER, did not "fake it" I simple decided that if things are ever going to change then I need to show my true colors and not let the whole " must orgasm everytime act" thing get in the way. It was still great even though I didn't "reach my peak." He knew that I hadn't and we talked about it!! (crazy concept I know) He was apologetic and sincere about it and I just said, "next time, it's ok." He said, "it's not ok and you know it I,m sorry. Did you want a different position or what could I have done differently?"
Nuts right? So GREAT to finally get the communication going. As slight as it was, the brief conversation we had felt so good, better than reaching orgasm. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders because from here on out, I will never "fake it" again-no matter what. Even if that means I don't orgasm everytime, because it's like we're learning about eachother all over again. Jeesh...why has it taken me so long to realize this was so important? It was so simple to talk to him about it,not difficult or embarressing-just normal...thanks again everyone you really don't know how much this is helping me out. I'm certainly not going to just "give up" on him and I do believe this is part my responsibility as well. Wow, today feels like a great new begining.(deep breath in) aahhhhhh.....

Wednesday, February 14, 2007, 3:23 PM

Whoo-hooo, OP! Sounds great! Keep us posted!

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 11:21 AM

yay! glad you guys are talking a little more about this stuff!

now next time-if you don't orgasm from sex itself, let him know that he can do other things afterwards to take care of you!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 12:07 PM

Yeah, if sex isn't working, figure out how you can orgasm and then do that. My BF was let down when he learned I was faking for the first few months of us dating, but I just had never actually had an orgasm before so I didn't even really know what I was faking! Then I figured out how, and taught him how to do it for me, and it's awesome now!

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 2:35 PM

it's funny how so many women wonder, "why do men lie?", and then go on and fake orgasms with their lovers. faking is lying.

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 2:49 PM

Back to lubricant

The reluctance to use lubricant just doesn't make sense to me! Sure, there are times when things are really well-moisturized, but then, depending on what phase of your cycle, whether you're dehydrated in general, are you nursing/pregnant/menopausal, it's a necessity!!! Why would a man feel threatened by that?

On a whole different angle, I have "squirting" orgasms, which as way fun, but tend to wash away the slickness. Lube is part of the deal.

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 3:39 PM

Op here-another breakthrough

To the 2:49 poster,
Given the subject matter, I much rather keep this thread positive and "uplifting" as possible. Please refrain from further patronizing, it's not helpful nor constructive.
Thank you greatly.
On a lighter note...
I have officially brought massage/lubricant into our home. Last night was the first time with it, I massaged his legs with it and it was received well. I think we're ready for the "next level" with the stuff. I know the idea of using it won't be rejected so things are definately on the "up and up." Valentines day was just great. Romantic and wonderful :)

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 4:22 PM

OP-very well said!

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 6:21 PM

ISO healthy viral man
for medical study

Thursday, February 15, 2007, 11:16 PM

249 poster here

FYI, i was not being patronizing. i was making an observation with the hope of reducing the number of women who fake orgasms. you are seeking honest communication with your partner in order to improve your sex life, and my comment was made to help further the honest communication.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 8:47 AM

I don't want to argue, but the next time you want to inspire people to be more honest with their partners...Try being a little pleasant. The way you worded your post may put some people off. It sounded a little agressive to me. People don't usually respond positively to aggression.

"it's funny how so many women wonder, "why do men lie?", and then go on and fake orgasms with their lovers. faking is lying."

Maybe this could be re-worded a little...Maybe something like...

"This is a great thread! I, for one, am going to be more communative with my partner during sex. I've thought about faking before, but realized that being honest with my partner would further benifit our love-life and relationship. Thanks for starting such a positive thread!"

and...

"FYI, i was not being patronizing. i was making an observation with the hope of reducing the number of women who fake orgasms. you are seeking honest communication with your partner in order to improve your sex life, and my comment was made to help further the honest communication."

might be recieved a little better if it read...

Oops! The way I worded my last comment was not exactly what I wanted to say. Sorry about that. What I meant to say was..when you are completely honest with your partner, your sex life is bound to reap the rewards. Maybe "faking it" would put a wrench in the works? Good luck to all of you in becoming more open and honest with your partners!

Friday, February 16, 2007, 1:37 PM

Can you see the difference, 249? Same thoughts, but a nicer way of saying them. If you try re-wording your thoughts every time you want to convey a message or pursuade someone to think diffently, you may find that people are going to give you a more pos. response. Try it in real life! They're going to love the new, well-spoken you!

It may take a little bit of practice, but you'll pick it up quickly!

Friday, February 16, 2007, 1:43 PM

people get my drift in real life because they can hear me when i speak. i am a nice, civil, polite person, but i do cut to the chase and just say what i mean. but, like i said, in real life, it's never really an issue. maybe i can re-word my posts, but others could also give some more effort to trying to find the message instead of criticizing how it's worded. i am usually at work when i post on here and have to be quick-in and quick-out. i like how you addressed the topic. have a great weekend!

Friday, February 16, 2007, 1:51 PM

more on lubricant

I have no idea what's going on about the lubricant. Really, I have never met a guy who was into it. I don't even know how I would approach my boyfriend with it!

My deal is, I need the lubricant. No matter how turned on I get, it's never very wet. Just keep in a drawer next to the bed, or in a Kleenex box on the floor with the condoms (hearkening back to my school days with the futon) or whatever, and as you get to that point in the proceedings, squirt some on your hand and apply!

It's no big deal. In fact, I've never _asked_ a guy if it was okay before I did it. If one saw me reaching for the Astroglide and said he was allergic, then we would have to pause and figure out another strategy. The first time, the guy will ask me if I'm not turned on -- at which point I say OF COURSE I'm turned on, but I'm not as young and juicy as I used to be.

With my current bf I usually go over to his house. When he wants to send me a message he'll reach into my overnight bag to get it and put it on the nightstand within easy reach. ;-)

Friday, February 16, 2007, 2:13 PM

Thanks for considering what I have to say 1:51. I'm sure you are a very nice person and I completely understand how some thoughts may be misunderstood through typed words. You have a nice weekend, too :)

Friday, February 16, 2007, 3:39 PM

i used to think that if my body wasn't "ready" for sex, there must be some reason, like a "survival instinct" or something a bit less dramatic. i really thought that my body was maybe looking out for my emotional best interests and maybe knew i wasn't in a prime state for having sex. then i realized maybe my body just wasn't ready for PREGNANCY. a light really went on with that thought, and thus i was introduced to K-Y. just thought i'd share that...

Friday, February 16, 2007, 4:29 PM

My husband and I need lubricant from time to time also. I never thought of it as an issue, sometimes it just needs to be a little wetter! I have never met a man that has a problem with that either though.
We use K-Y also, just the regular old stuff. Tried the warming gel and it burned and made it very uncomfortable for me! Won't be using that one agin but I have friends that really like it.

Friday, February 16, 2007, 5:31 PM

OP CHecking in

4:29- I never thought of that...PREGNANCY fears could be a culprit. I must say since I have been off birth control for a few years (for medical reasons) I have been petrified of getting pregnant. Sometimes I get so afraid of it that I can't relax or really enjoy things. (something for me to think about) Thanks for sharing.

Action Update:

Monday night-date night, no sex but romantic and fun.
Tuesday night-sex-I didn't fake it...and that's ok.
Wednesday night-introduced lubricant into the home and it was recieved well. :)
Thursday night-sex! he initiated, I didn't orgasm and again...that's ok.
Here we are on friday. Wow, I feel like I have come so far in just a week's time. Who know's what a weekend will bring? Jeesh, thanks again to everyone for your support. I will keep you posted. :)

Friday, February 16, 2007, 5:55 PM

very odd...there were a couple of comments that were here before that are now gone...one from the op remarking on the not-wet-enough-maybe-my-body-is-afraid-to-get-pregnant idea was here a few days ago, now it's not.

Friday, February 23, 2007, 9:58 AM

and weren't there a bunch of date-night updates from the OP that have been deleted, too? what's up ?

Friday, February 23, 2007, 10:00 AM

sex...making love

Been married 33 yrs. Sex starts in the morning.....I can't just "get" in the mood. I need something to make me interested. A little romance, sexual teasing goes along way with me. Rolling over and just starting in, doesn't do it for me either. Bad breath, body odor does NOTHING for me. I'm a night person, my hubby is a morning person....we work it out..lol!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007, 8:35 AM

I've been married for 4 years and we have sex about 1 or 2 a month. I think that is really bad. My hubbie doesn't seem to instigate sex and I feel that its always my idea. He takes meds for high blood pressure and I heard that that affects libido - he seems to think so too. He recently started exerising with me and eating better and I've seen an increase in the sex drive - I'm hoping it continues. We have a good marriage otherwise, but I wish we had more nookie.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007, 6:08 PM

lakanookie

Sex starts in the kitchen so the saying goes. My husband and I have not had sex in a very long time. He is patronizing and basically I do not want to have sex with him. If he would treat me nicer and not be so critical maybe I could warm up to him. i have put on weight and am trying to get it off. I am surprised we are still together. Mainly for the kids. Chastity is not always a bad thing.

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 2:35 PM

Been with my hubby for 7 years now, in the beginning it was every day sometimes 2x a day, now it averages out to about 3-4x a week

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 3:15 PM

We have been together for 3 years.

Since I got pregnant (I am now 4 months) we rarely have sex! We still love each other and are attracted to each other! Its so weird!

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 4:14 PM

Married 12 years, together 15. We both work full time and have 3 kids 9 and under. We are around twice per week, sometimes three times over the holidays, if we are off from work or something. My husband pretty much always initiates, he has a higher sex drive than I do, but once i get going i love it - need to get the kids/housework/job out of my mind then i can relax :)

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 4:46 PM

1-2 times week.

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 5:46 PM

I am single and i have had no intercourse in a couple of years - yes, it sucks, but my sexless life is my problem, I don't have someone NOT having sex with me. That sounds really difficult and boring. My thoughts on a relationship is that both people are making an effort everyday. To hear people saying they felt unattractive or upset by this person in their home...yikes.

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 8:25 PM

I have been with my husband 10 years, married for 5. We have sex maybe once a week if I'm lucky. He has never had a high sex drive.. I can't take it anymore!! I need a lover!!

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 8:40 PM

I am single. I NEED SEX! I am in need of a buddy, lol. Just haven't found him yet. Not into casual one night stuff, but also haven't found the right man for me to do anything long term. Who knows?~

Sunday, January 6, 2008, 9:03 PM

Used to be a few times a week and now it's a few times a month. Kind of depressing. I need to have sex again.

Monday, January 7, 2008, 12:17 AM

Whenever we can!

Married for 4 years together for 6 1/2 and unless one or both of us us sick or it's "that" time then we make love daily. On average 4-7 times a week.

Monday, January 7, 2008, 12:25 AM

My husband and I have been together for about 14 years and have sex on Sundays. I know, it's scheduled, but I'm just too tired through the week and this way I can get psyched up for it (my libido is about 1/10 of his). I got tired of being poked and prodded all the time (haha) and having to let him down gently, so we agreed on once a week. Works well except when we're out with friends when he whines a little...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008, 9:05 PM

pp here Oh, and I'm not a fan of kissing either, especially with yucky breath. I'm usually much more self-conscious about my own, rather than his. And any kind of sex when we're not clean repulses me. I'm OK with lubricant, and we even have the "egg" from Fantasia that we use sometimes for fun.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008, 9:07 PM

I would be interested to know, of all these encounters ( most are female IM GUESSING) how many of you actually achieved orgasm, or just let your man ' do his thang" while you were left unfulfilled??

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 8:06 AM

Together 5 years

We have sex 3 - 4x / week, and he usually gets BJs at least 3 x / week.
I always hit the big "O".

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 8:41 AM

I'd like to add to the 8.06AM posters question. Not just if you achied the big O but how? I've been with my partner for almost 3 years and I have only ever been able to climax through oral sex. Hey, I'm not complaining but if anyone has any tips...

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 10:11 AM

Here's a tip.. while you are having sex with him, rub your clit or have him rub it, this works for me every time to achieve orgasm.

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 1:50 PM

1 - Go naked = remove all hair down there (this made all the difference in the world to me)
2. Be on top
3. Its like riding a horse - sort of. You are not going up and down per say, more like backwards and forwards, and wham "O".

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 3:18 PM

Once every 4-5 years if I'm lucky.

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 3:23 PM

wow - I have been married 7 years and we do atleast 5 times per week, I figured we were more or less normal.

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 5:15 PM

When I was smaller it was every week a couple of times...since I've gained 40lbs...I don't want to do it...at all.

I wonder if this is the reason?

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 5:36 PM

married 5 years only partner for both of us, waited till wedding night...2x a week >only time it is daily is on vacation! Also I won't have sex during that time of month do you?

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 7:17 PM

eewwww sex at that time of the month. I'm with you !!!

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 7:25 PM

I've had sex at that time of month becuase i find i am more in the mood then... Also we usually have sex about 2-3 times a week, but I have never had the bit 'O'.... We have been together 2 years and am getting married in 8 months, i love him is there a reason why I don't come at all??? please be considerate, i know there are nasty people out there with lots of thoughts but hold your tounge if you want to be rude...

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 10:50 PM

my boyfriend is 10 years older than me and he seems to have much less of a "drive" (i'm 24 he's 35). He HAS perked up a little since we both decided to get fit.

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 11:15 PM

that's great... Sex is a good thing and I admire all those people who wait till they're married, kind of wish i did but i certainly don't regret it...

Thursday, February 7, 2008, 11:48 PM

I am a single parent, and have not had sex in 4 years. I want to, but haven't dated, and am so afraid of STD and pregnancy that I'm not sure if I will ever have sex again! Plus, it is not like anyone has 'hit' on me or anything. My life sucks.

Friday, February 8, 2008, 1:46 AM

How often people have sex..??

OPINIONS PLEASE!! My fiance and I ( we are in our 20's) have been together for 3 years, getting married in 5 months...we have not had sex in 4 months. (we used to do it A LOT) I have brought it up twice to him and he becomes very defensive. We do everything BUT sex and he does strive to satisfy me. He says we are not having sex because he is afraid of pregnancy. I am not on birth control and he keeps saying "i'm going to get condoms" and hasn't yet. I am at a loss...! What do ya'll think??

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 12:17 AM

Holy cow pp...get some condoms or another form of birth control. Unless you WANT to be pregnant walking down the aile your fiance is only doing what needs to be done. btw...no law says men only buy the condoms. What about some spermicide? There are even female "condoms." Also the Today sponge.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 2:38 AM

Been with my boyfriend 5 years now. We live 85 miles apart and he travels for his job. We see each other an average of 3 times a month. We have sex every time we are together. Usually twice that evening and once the next morning. It has been this way through out our relationship and since he and I both have lost weight and gotten healthier the sex is getting better and better!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 5:58 AM

To the OP. I have the same problem with my husband. talked about it many times. So now i am cheating.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 7:27 AM

About once every other month or so. Been married going on 3 years, been together for about 8 years, living together for almost 7 of those. It was more frequent in the very beginning but I'm never in the mood. Ever. Tried asking my Dr. about it but got not real answer/advice. I'm his 2nd ever and he's a little shy/awkward about it so after enough let downs, he has stopped trying/asking (except the rare drunk attempt). If/when I do initiate, he's very receptive, so I think his drive is still there. It doesn't seem to be a problem for him, he doesn't ever complain or bring it up, but he's quiet about things like that. I feel like I'm missing out on something, like I'm not normal, but I just don't get in the mood. I have thought maybe this is nature's way of telling me I should not have kids (which we've already decided and both agree is not for us anyway, I've never really wanted them and he doesn't either). There are so many possible causes of low/no libido and most of them are mental. I just don't feel like going there, blaming it on anything.
This is a great topic/thread. I always wonder just how odd my sex life is. It seems everyone else I know does it all the time.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 12:08 PM

Married 2 years, together 9.5 years total. About 2-4 times a week, depending on how late either one of us is working or busy with other activities.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 12:22 PM

This is hitting home to me. I have never cheated before but I fee like I might if I stay with/get married to my boyfriend. We live together and have sex 1x a month average. And its not good. The worst I have ever had with a relationship actually. The problem is I love him and love our life together otherwise.
Will the bad/no sex be our demise???

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 12:22 PM

Been with my fiance for three years, engaged for two, and we have sex at least 1-2 times a week.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 12:57 PM

12:17 - Why don't you buy your own condoms? And seriously, if you are about to become active, you need to take charge of your own body and get a pap smear and get on some form of birth control. The failure rate of condoms is too high for my comfort I know that! Don't leave YOUR future in someone else's hands.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 1:04 PM

12:08 It sounds to me like your husband is great but your physician sucks. Find a new physician who will treat a serious problem seriously!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 2:13 PM

I guess I should count myself lucky - my boyfriend and I have sex at least 4-5 times a week. I think I would go nuts if it was any less than that! Its good that we both have the same drive :)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 2:55 PM

Does there have to be another person involved in order for it to count? ;-)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 4:56 PM

Ive bin with my bf for almost 2 years. we had a few months of only doing it maybe 1 a week. It was my problem though. I had a low sex drive and wasnt confident and just felt crappy. I did something about. (started working out and eating healthy, and I changed my birth control pill which was a huge part of my low sex drive) now we are back to doing it 3-6 times a week.
For a couple months I had to actually say to myself YOUR GOING TO HAVE SEX TONIGHT. even when I really want to just to get it to be normal and enjoyable again. ( i know I dont have years of wisdom, but for us all it took was extra effort and making it a priority and now its enjoyable for us)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 5:49 PM

where are you people from?
Sex at that time of the month is fine for some people. personally after my frist two days the last three day I have next to no bleeding but its when im in the mood the most. and even if you are bleeding turn the lights off lay a towel down and get your rocks off! then proceed straight to the shower lol

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 5:56 PM

to the 12:17am poster

I think your fiance probably has an STD
I think you should make him get checked. seeing as how you guys have bin together for a while I would assume that he may have cheated on you around 4 months ago and caught something and doesnt want to give it to you.
(just my opinion, I hope it works out for you)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 7:12 PM

Me and my bf have been together about 3 years we used to have it 2 or more times a day when we were together we now have a 15mth old little girl and share a room with her so now it is about 1-3 times a week latly but for a while after having a baby it was only 1 a mths stress and me being so over wieght had a lot to do with that but. my problem is how long it last he used to go for hrs now under 20 min if we have for play....

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 8:23 PM

we've been together for 6 years and married for just 6 months .. we get it on at least 5 times a week.. i'm glad our sex drives match.. don't think i could deal with only a few times a month!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 10:57 PM

6:10 Where did you get your fiance

6:10pm post, where did you get your fiance. My husband is just like poster 5:52. He thinks I work like a light switch. Just 'flip' and i'm turned on, just like that. *sigh* Have you ever seen Annie Hall? She tells someone "We have sex all of the time, sometimes 3 times a week!" Then he tells someone "We hardly ever have sex, sometimes only 3 times a week!"

Thursday, November 20, 2008, 2:49 PM

My husband I I have been married for 15 years. We have sex at least 2 times a week. For us the sex gets better and better. We laugh about it sometimes that after 15 years, we still actually like each other!!!!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008, 6:19 PM

my boyfriend (of 3yrs) and I have sex maybe 3-4 times a month. Were mid-twenties and started at maybe twice a week. The sex is always really great because its always been at least a week so were very turned on. I guess we just both have lower sex drives because we've repeatedly had conversations about whether it was enough for both of us and it is. We just sort of chalked it up to not living together and having very different sleep+work schedules.

Thursday, November 20, 2008, 9:29 PM

so what should i do

ive been with my partner 21 years he has a high sex drive we would do it everyday when we first met for about three years then i started getting pain and it hurt to do it this caused so many rows i was eventually diagnosed with severe endometriosis and had to have a hysterectomy he made no allowances and still made me do it before the op he would say i must be a les or fridged he would cause a atmosphere i would do it with pain and his mood changed to happy immediatley.it is know 4 yrs since hyst i still have probs with endo on my bowel and bladder have to have ct scan in dec they want to do a bowel resection and he is still behaving the same since hyst we have it min 1 week max 3 times if only 1 he wakes me middle of night having a go at me and asking when he can book it in i do also work and have a 10 & 11 girls to look after the only thing he does for me is stays in work and sex i do everthing in the house .we are not married he says he loves me so much and if i loved him back i would do it when he wants it, regardless wheather im physically shattered he has made me feel like there is nothing to our relationship other than sex and im really finding it hard know to have the desire because he makes such a big thing about it i do love him so much thats why ive put up with it is this acceptable am i wrong like he says i think others wouldnt put up with this even the fittest women.

Friday, November 28, 2008, 5:51 AM

No means no

No, not even the fittest women would put up with this. I am a healthy woman with no physical conditions and a very healthy sexual appetite and I fully expect that if I don't want any sexual contact my SO would not even try to talk me into it, NEVER MIND forcing me to do it.
Whether you're married or not, no one has the right to force you to have sex when you don't want to. When they do, it is called rape. It is not too strong a word. He is raping you. He knows you're in a lot of physical pain and still climbs on top of you anyway to get pleasure for himself. And he gets on top of you in the middle of the night while you're sleeping? Unacceptable.
I assume you posted here for help from other women and to hear what is normal and acceptable. What this man is doing is neither normal or acceptable. It is completely heinous. I could say the obvious, "leave him!' But that's a conclusion you have to come to on your own. In the meantime you need to get help, even if it's just an online support group with other women dealing with your condition or abusive relationships like yours. I hope you're able to get the help you need to leave. The relationship you continue is what your girls are going to model their future relationships after. If you want greater happiness for them, think of what message you're sending now. Even if you think there's no way they could know. Children always do.
Sending you positive thoughts, one woman to another-
Soleil

Friday, November 28, 2008, 7:49 AM

All I can say is. I AM JEALOUS! I am a thirty five year old nice looking female and rarely get laid, lol. I have no significant other and really miss that since my divorce a few years back. :(

But, that being said, I do agree men will look for sex elsewhere when not getting it at home. Being a single mom who has tried finding "the one" unfortunately several guys I have met are not really single. Not that I attract that, or do anything with them, but it sucks to know that there are that many guys out there that cheat on their wives, fiancee's, or girlfriends. I am sure there are women too, but that hasnt been my experience of course. I wish I was having sex 4 times a week!!!

Friday, November 28, 2008, 11:58 AM

sole

thanks for reply, i do know his wrong he wont except he is, because i go to work and do everything else that needs doing regardless of how i feel ,i should want to please him too regardeless of how i feel. and i do weekly but he wants more and i do it he never forces me i allways consent just because i know the bad atmosphere will stop for at least 3 days then he will be up for it again and ill put it off he will except it but then too reject him again the next night the digs start again a weekly cycle thats driving me crazey , if i was perfectly healthy this would not be a problem because he would get it all the time no problem and his great when he satisfied happy,loving,caring every think you want but he hates me when he dont get it .i think he needs to see a sex therapist ?

Friday, November 28, 2008, 12:10 PM

I've been dating my bf for 6 months. We've been living together for 2 months. It's usually 2-3 times a week, but this week it hasn't happened yet. For the past 4-5 times, I've been the one to initiate it, and I've decided to wait on him to initiate b/c I don't want him to just do it if he really doesn't want to. But we had a fight the other day over something else, and he's been sleeping on the couch lately (his choice), so I have a feeling it's going to be a while before it happens again.

Friday, December 5, 2008, 11:49 AM

Make us feel good

Well, I've been in a committed relationship for 3 years now and we have sex about 3-4 times a week...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008, 9:57 PM

Married 25 years

My sex life is Wam Bam Thank you mame! I can't take it. When I was young it was great because I was ready in 5 seconds. Now, however, It doesn't work like that for me. we hardly get together anymore due to all the stress it is causing.
What can I say. Overall he is a good man and husband

Saturday, December 27, 2008, 5:15 PM

sexless marriage

I'm late to this thread but here goes- we've been married for 29 years, together about 35 years - sex was about weekly before marriage then about the same after. She always stated "once a night is enough" & then roll over & go to sleep after sex (she orgasms 99.9% of the time). Sex is always the same - in bed with the lights of, under the covers, so if its hot too bad no sex.
I thought she might have had an affair a couple of years ago, she trimmed her pubic hair and acted differently for a while & sex was like doing it with a stranger, I asked her about this & naturally she denied it.
Over the past 10 years or so I have sort of kept a tally of how often we do it & the results are pitiful, maybe once every 3 or 4 months if I'm lucky. Longest was 20 months. She never initiates it. It is always much the same way, jeez I could write a SOP for it.
I have tried telling her how hot she is (she does look great for her age (& would make a lot of younger women very envious of her figure), how much I would like to make love to her, give her oral sex etc- all to no avail.
I am now at the stage that it seems that nothing I do will get me laid, so why bother.
I must admit with sex so few and far between when we do do it it usually isn't very satisfying as it's over after only the once.
Yet her friends tell me I am very lucky to have such a wonderful wife, if only they knew what I have to put up with.

Saturday, January 17, 2009, 5:23 AM

I found this thread to be very helpful! I talked to my bf after reading a lot of these because while we were at about 3-4x per month I would prefer more like twice a week. He was receptive to the talk saying that sometimes he likes going without for a week or so because then it feels so great when we do. Anyways once he heard that I would prefer it more often our sex life picked up. Unfortunately now that were having sex more often I've all the sudden started having trouble having an orgasm! I've never had that issue before and its sooo frustrating to be getting the sex when I want it now but not getting satisfied.

Saturday, January 17, 2009, 12:20 PM

boo. reading all of this makes me feel bad now.

I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we have sex like once or twice every couple months. we're young and both in pretty good shape so nothing should be inhibiting our sex drives. honestly i think i want it way more than him. especially after seeing all these people who have been married for decades and get it 3-4x a WEEK, I just feel terrible. will it pick up once we're married or am i doomed?

Sunday, January 18, 2009, 2:18 AM

sexless marriage advice

for the poster on Jan. 17 at 5:23 a.m., you should consider asking your wife to go with you to one of Dr. Snarch's workshops and possibly follow up with individual help. See link below. I think he's out west in Colorado. It would definitely be worth the money. You can read about his approach in The Passionate Marriage. It is very difficult for a man to stay bonded without sex -- this is one of the main sources of the bonding hormone oxytocin. Women secrete oxytocin during emotionally significant talking as well as sex. Sexless marriages are actually pretty common, even in younger couples. ( I'm in the counseling field.) I think you gotta do something to make your wife wake up to how this isn't working for you. And you may need some help from someone who specializes in this sort of thing.

Link

Sunday, January 18, 2009, 2:31 AM

sexless marriage reply

I'm the 5:23 a.m. poster, thanks for your advise there are two things wrong.
1. she won't say why no sex other than to say I don't treat her right!!!! as I said earlier I've given up trying, I've been nice, attentive, caring & then I've tried being horrible to her - nothing
2. we live in Australia so Snarch isn't much help here

I can't even get a cuddle from her.............

Sunday, January 18, 2009, 5:48 AM

I forgot to mention

she won't talk at all about our sex life (or lack of it) she is very private about her/our life.
I never see her naked.
I get told to not be stupid if I try to say how hot she looks.
If I try to get a cuddle she turns away or crosses her arms & just stands there.
If I try to kiss her I might get a peck if I'm lucky.
If I try to get close to her in bed she rolls over with her back to me or tells me to move over and give her space.

But she won't talk about it!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009, 5:53 AM

I've been watching Oprah and they've had a best life week which also includes Best Sex life. They had a couple print out a picture of a human body and each of them were to number the places where they liked to be touched from 1 to 5 and show the other spouse. Apparently they didn't realize what a difference of opinion they had and after doing this it seemed to help their sex life.

Sunday, January 18, 2009, 8:44 AM

Married 8 years, 2-3 times per week : ) More if kids didn't come into our bed at night.

Sunday, January 18, 2009, 1:46 PM

Together over 2 years, usually twice a day....and we are both in our 50's.

Monday, January 19, 2009, 3:49 AM

5:23, I'm not a therapist, but your subsequent post seems to make clear that you and your wife are not having "just" a sex problem; you have no affection or intimacy of any type going on in that relationship! That's a bigger problem; you two really should find a marriage counselor there in Australia.

Monday, January 19, 2009, 7:16 AM

i got married for 7 years, 6 - 8 times monthly

Monday, January 19, 2009, 9:34 AM

married 4 years, together for 6- probably about min 4x per week on avg. more on school downtime, less during the school year. We are strange perhaps, since he really is my best friend. We are both vulgar, silly, and brutally honest. We play fight all the time, and both kind of have thick skins, so we rarely have REAL fights. We aren't afraid to change things up in the sack either. I've also gained a significant amount of weight since we've gotten married, but he is understanding as long as I put forth an effort (as I have lost weight since i peaked) and it doesn't really effect our sex life as much as I assumed it would. From my understanding, men become less attracted if you quit taking care of yourself. As long as you try, they tend to be more understanding, and therefore, no negative, counter-productive comments.

Monday, January 19, 2009, 2:36 PM

Sex after College

Hello all. My g/f and I have been together for about a year and a half. We are still looking for jobs and live with our parents.
Our sex life was great in the beginning-at least once a day, she initiated it or if I did she would always want to.
She is still very affectionate and loving but it seems like there is always an excuse not to have sex now, sick, back hurts, tired, just not in the mood, etc.

What do you all think?

Monday, January 19, 2009, 4:12 PM

I'm wher you're at

My husband and I have been together for seven years. We went from three times a day to three times a week to every three weeks or so. While I'd like to have sex every day, sometimes life just gets in the way. We stay up too late watching t.v.. we're too tired, etc. It's normal. Sometimes we have an upsurge and we'll do it 4 times in one weekend. It took me a long time to be comfortable with the fact that my husband doesn't have a huge sex drive, esp since all the other men I was with did. Of course, I wasn;t with them for this long. Really, the only reason the amount of sex you have is a problem is if you have a problem with it. If so, discuss it with your guy.

Monday, January 19, 2009, 4:36 PM

I'm 22 and a virgin. I've never had a relationship, so that's a reason I've never had sex haha. But seriously, I've always figured that I'd wait until marriage (and that doesn't even necessarily have to do with religious reasons). Also, I can't picture myself even married until I'm in my 30s. Anyways, just wondering what people, especially men, would think of this if they get into a relationship one day with me and can't have sex?

Monday, January 19, 2009, 6:28 PM

one cure that works for one problem (of many, I know)

Interesting article in the New York Times today about why some people don't like sex -- and a cure that works for it.

It made me think of some of the unhappy spouses in this thread.

Link

Monday, January 19, 2009, 10:22 PM

hey,Australia guy

hey,Australia guy.... I don't know if things will work out for you, hope they do. I can tell you though, you might benefit from adopting a sexier attitude. Where's the passion? trying to get a peck? can't get a cuddle? Clearly she knows she's attractive, so don't worry about telling her too much. It's not what she needs. Once every 3 or 4 months isn't enough. You let things go too far and major work needs to be done to get things right again. She's not that into you at the moment and feels at peace only "giving it up" quarterly. At first, wanting more from her is upsetting the apple cart. You've got to tell her you were crazy to let so much time go by between sex sessions and that you'll never make the same mistake. Do something dramatic. Take aphrodisiacs. Say you want to do it daily or you are interested in exploring tantra or something... When you get her in the sack, and happy to be there, it will be because you've dropped the desperate beta male attitude. Good luck! Hope the words weren't too difficult to read.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 11:12 PM

been with my BF 4 years..is about 3-5 tmes a week.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 11:44 PM

Mm'mm good

Married 5 years and we have sex 2-4 times a week.

Saturday, February 28, 2009, 8:56 PM

let's see...

3 to 7 times a week. Been together 7 years and married for 5.

Sunday, March 1, 2009, 1:57 AM

About 1 or 2 partial night stands a year for the last 8 years or so (with some years none at all). Masturbation maybe once or twice every couple of months.

Sunday, March 1, 2009, 5:12 AM

Married 20 Years

It gets better for us over time. We know exactly what to do for each other. We know what makes each other go crazy. We may have sex every day for a week and then not again for three weeks. It all depends on life. Our lives are happy and healthy. I never had an "o" before my husband and I had a few partners. Even after we were married I couldn't have one with just sex. I was to worried about him and if he was enjoying himself. My husband said a man really does want the woman to enjoy herself. It is important to him that she have an orgasm. Then he wants to finish but not before me. If a man is only out for himself, dump him!! He should at least try and if sex does not get you off he should figure out another way. I wasted to much time "faking it". I thought something was wrong with me. That I was not able to have an orgasm and that it was some how my fault and so I did fake it. Once I told my husband about it, he got busy figuring out what I needed and I enjoyed him figuring it out lol. Losing the weight was a big help!!! After I dropped 30 pounds I enjoyed being on top and that is a sure fire way for me to orgasm right away and then after that one there will be plenty to follow, and since we have been married for 20 years that does put us up there in years so yes we do use lube.

Sunday, March 1, 2009, 12:21 PM

sexytime

me and the bf have been together 9 months and we average 5-7 times a week i'd say...we're both aries, so...we are quite driven and feisty! haha

Wednesday, March 4, 2009, 5:17 PM

Dating 6 years

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 year, living together for almost 2 years. We probably average 3 time a month... which I hate! We had sex more when we were in a long distance relationship and only saw each other on the weekends.

My sex drive is much higher than his, and he thinks that me wanting it 2x a week is 'abnormal'.

Someone please tell me that I am not crazy! What can I do to help ramp up my boyfriends sex drive!

Thursday, March 5, 2009, 12:28 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for just about a year and we still continue to do it about 5-7 times a week. I consider myself very fortunate because I was in a marriage where sex was pretty much non-existant.

Thursday, March 5, 2009, 12:43 PM

similarly, I am newly married. depending on how tired my husband is from work (he farms) it ranges from 3 - 7 times a week.

Thursday, March 5, 2009, 12:49 PM

lubricant recommendation

Carrageenan Personal Lubricant:

I like this stuff the best. Plain, simple, natural and it works. It's made from seaweed, I think. The pump lid bottle is much less messy than tubes and bottles I've used in the past. (there's a warming formula, but I like the plain )

See link below. I think this is pretty new. I don't see it in all drug stores yet.

Link

Thursday, March 5, 2009, 3:18 PM

On average once every 2 weeks. I'm not at all happy with it (heh - obviously - why else would i be posting this?)
"sex" is pretty much me helping her masturbate with vibrators and dildos. Doesn't want to give or get oral sex - has no interest in changing the routine even though ive made it quite clear im not happy with it. Been together 13 years, and get this: we get along great outside of bed!
Is there anyone else out there that has this problem? You know - feel like you could leave the room during sex and the other person wouldn't even notice?
oh boo hoo i feel so sorry for myself.....

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 2:41 AM

Hey ladies! Help me out here: REALLY - how much does size matter?
No i dont mean "Well, he's not very big but we're happily married...", i mean to what degree is size directly related to your ability to orgasm? and of course, what size is the right size?

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 3:02 AM

Is Sex the Ultimate Goal?

I"ve chosen not to be in a relationship for many years now (plus, I don't have that much temptation, or many prospects) so lately I almost never have sex, but when I do, I get urinary tract infections. This makes seeking sex less intoxicating.

Also, I am very into touching, and closeness, but not so very into sex. Yes, initially when I get together with someone I'm into it more, but after awhile, I don't care that much to do it that often. (And not only because of my tendency to get urinary tract infections). However, I am otherwise very affectionate, cuddly and love kissing and touching and stroking. I just am not into that much genital stimulation. I start feeling like my male partners don't really love me, and care for me when their goal is to turn all the cuddling and kissing into sex as the big finale; and if there won't be any sex, then they would rather just skip the other intimacy. For me, the intimacy of affectionate touch and sharing is very often more fulfilling when sex is not the ultimate goal (or at least, not GENERALLY the ultimate goal...I do want to have it all lead up to sex sometimes...it's nice to be turned on and sexually desired sometimes too).But I think it's nice when just as often..maybe even more often, the touching and affection is just about that, and not about "getting off". Any comments? Ideas about this?

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 5:28 AM

To 3:02's question..

I am a lesbian so for my population size doesn't matter at all. It is not an issue.

From talking with my straight women friends, it's pretty much a non-issue. It's what you do while you are making love that matters. How attentive you are. Orgasm happens in a huge range of ways for women and closeness and intimacy are key to good sex.

So don't worry about whatever size you are. If it matters for someone and you are not the "right" size move on to someone you are compatable with because you are a great lover. In other words, because you care about her pleasure as well as your own. And utimately because you care about her.

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 8:04 AM

I totally agree with 8:04! size is not the issue, it's what you do with it. Once you have been with someone for awhile too I think you match each other. Random sex would be a problem if the girl is doing it with a huge guy at the same time she is doing a smaller guy. But if you are in a long term relationship I think you grow or shrink to match eah other. Has anyone else seen this to be true?

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 10:17 AM

haha did you know that sex is the best workout ever? It's not just a myth, it gets your blood pumping and all those different emotions do work off some calories :) I gained about fifteen pounds after I got married....I've only been married for about five months so I definitely felt enormous but I decided htat I will never let my weight make me afraid to have sex with him, who knows maybe all of it will have an affect on my weight loss?
:)

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 10:51 AM

well if you are a woman and your fiance is a man then, either he is just the low need type (you have been in the relationship a significant amount of time) or don't take this too personally or harshly but , he could be getting his needs fulfilled elsewhere, I'm not accusing or anything and it is a sad option, I don't remember if you said anything about him being affectionate or not but this is more likely the case if he is not affectionate with you when people are around I hope this is not an insult It's just my thoughts on hte matter

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 10:56 AM

my mom is a nurse so this is supposedly true, when you are on your period your body realeases alot more hormones he probably like most other men think about sex more often when you do have those extra hormones

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 11:12 AM

3:02 size does matter, except to lesbians and low need types. But there is a lot that can be done to make up for it, and I believe women -most women- love a man for what's inside....

Sunday, March 15, 2009, 10:53 PM

3:02 size does matter to me but everyone is different. I don't need all the four play all the time to get me going just give me the real deal. And if you are not packing and you know what I mean I don't think I could be in a relationship with you.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009, 7:25 PM

help

something is wrong. i have been with my fiance for 6yrs and am experiancing some diffuculties in my sexual relationship. we havent had sex in a month and a week now and iam at a loss why. actually it has been like this for sometime now. when i try to talk to him he says it isnt me and that he dont understand why? wich makes me very confused and unwanted. we have two children together and i have been on a diet and thought maybe that is the reason but i have lost 15lbs and he doesnt even seem to notice or look my way. iam at a loss on what to do or how to further approach him with it. any suggestions?

Link

Thursday, March 26, 2009, 3:42 AM

spice it up

I was with my x fiance for 4 years and our sex life was always good. I think the important thing is to be able to spice things up and have fun. Everyone is different and it takes some experimenting to find what it is you like.Sex is like anything you need to keep making an effort otherwise everything becomes predictable and boring. You could try the usual dressing up and role play or even watch a porno together and act out what is going on...next thing you know you both won't be watching the movie :) Maybe you both take a trip down to Anne Summers or Harmony? We use to do that once a week and get a new toy go home and play with :) Whatever you do just have fun!

Thursday, March 26, 2009, 4:58 AM

how often do you have sex

I now no how lucky I am I have sex twice a day, a little bit more in summer, have been married 29 years with her 31 four kids, just make the time

Sunday, September 6, 2009, 7:05 PM

Great thread!

Well, a few things--
*My husband is very well-endowed, which is great but limits some of the positions we can do....we'd like to have sex very day but sometimes I'm too sore/swollen to do it (his stamina is also up there)
*We use AstroGlide to help...although he really is the most attentive and skilled lover I've ever been with, his size can sometimes make the initial penetration a little painful
*We average about 4-6x/week...
*I don't fake it, neither does he. Making love with him is like a full-contact sport, lol, because of the duration and the challenge of making HIM orgasm.
*To the poster who said their sex life has suffered after gaining 40 lbs, I totally understand! He's seen me down 10 and up 40 from where I am now, and although I get very self-conscious when I'm heavier, he helps me. It took a lot of communication for him to understand that it wasn't lack of desire but feeling down, but when we finally got it all on the table he took the reins from there...good luck!

Sunday, September 6, 2009, 10:05 PM

PP-Wow! You must really know each other really well and have communicated what you do and don't like. I have been married for 16 1/2 years and we have sex 3-4 times a week. But if it were up to him, it would be once or twice a day like you guys. I guess I need to communicate better. I have told him what I like and don't but he always forgets and goes back to doing what he wants. I hate to bring it up all the time, he should know by now! There are also so many times that I feel it is just one more thing I have to do for the day. Just get it over with so I can sleep! Plus we have teenagers in the house down the hall from us, I don't want them to "hear us". Any suggestions?

As far as the guy in the sexless marraige...clearly there is something bothering her. She needs to seek a therapist, get on some meds and help. This is not what marriage should be like. Maybe she has a very low self image/esteem. She would feel so much better if you made love to her. But you can't push her either. I agree with the one post that suggested to tell her how YOU feel. It is a very delicate issue. I hope things will work out for you.

Sunday, September 6, 2009, 10:11 PM

I certainly wouldn't be the first to point out that sex begins in the mind. But, I often wonder if people really realize how critical their own PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY of sex will shape the kind of sex that they will have for the rest of their lives.

For many people, sex is purely an amusement, like riding a roller coaster. And predictably, after the coaster has been ridden 1000 times over, it gets to be predictable. Soon thereafter, it gets to be tame. And finally, it just gets dowright old and boring. So, of course, you stop riding it, or every now and then, buy a ticket just out of nostalgia. In my opinion, the problem is with this amusement park philosophy of sex, and most guys ascribe to this. (some women too)

The difference is in seeing sex more like a form of communication—like a really good conversation. When sex actually communicates real FEELINGS for a PERSON, instead of a brief lust for a body, it becomes deeper, more satisfying, more diverse, and less monotonous. It takes infinitely more skill, emotional intelligence, and effort, to learn a human being in toto, then it does to just squeeze her boobs.

A real PERSON is always changing, always evolving, always accumulating more experiences. Having good sex with a person requires a constant level of intimacy with their life... not just their body. Things don't get boring because the person changes every day, and you appreciate each other in new ways because you are changing and learning all the time. When sex becomes an expression of language between two people in a close relationship, it becomes a living thing that grows and thrives as the participants grow and thrive.

But alas, many people are so busy "havin' fun" with their sex lives that they can't enjoy them.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009, 8:09 PM

To 10:11pm

Hey PP,
Does he mind doing what you like? If not, then just go ahead and tell him what to do-- don't be afraid! Time is precious when you're married and busy, you need to have your wishes fulfilled too! There's really no other way around it; if you don't ask (in the moment, in a sexy way-- and ask what he wants too ;)) he might just assume what he does is fine with you. Even if you've talked about it before. I made the mistake of telling my hubby I don't necessarily want to orgasm all the time because it's so intense. Now I HAVE to ask or he's not sure when I want oral sex. lol
Good luck!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009, 9:50 PM

OP:

This really sounds like a sad situation. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and together for 7. When we first started dating, of course it was more hot and heavy, basically multiple times every day. But as time goes on of course for everyone it dwindles down a little, and you just have to make sure it doesnt dissapear in general. My philosophy is to keep it fresh. We basically are still keeping up every other day (2-3x/week.) I feel like even though it may not be every day like before, that my husband has become a much more sexual person, and definitely not as shy as he was the first few years. When youre with someone for a while you begin to know what they like and dont like, and you kind of have to play around with those things. Sending a sexy text message or picture while theyre at work, or writing little notes around the house are some examples of what I use to let him know im still SO into him.

Youre situation does not seem healthy at all, and I honestly dont think I could deal with someone so obsessive compulsive that would make me brush my teeth before kissign me. The best romantic times are the most spontaneous ones.
I wish you so much luck and happiness and hope that everything works out.

xo

Friday, September 18, 2009, 12:54 PM

http://mysexrecoveryblog.blogspot.com

Once or twice a month is typical for average people. People who answer sex questions in Internet forums are typically not average. For more information regarding sex surveys and their accuracy, see http://mysexrecoveryblog.blogspot.com

Link

Wednesday, July 7, 2010, 8:15 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months, which is a lot less than some of you, and I guess we're still in the honeymoon period b/c we do it at least once a day, if not more! I will be sad when the day comes when we only do it a few times a week :(

Friday, July 9, 2010, 6:44 PM

i am a young man i pretty much bone out 7 times a week with several different partners unprotected. its like... what i do...

Saturday, July 31, 2010, 1:16 PM

virgin girl

Way to go! I got married at the age of 27 and was a virgin at that time. My parents are very religious, but for me the choice was because I didn't want any of the bagage that went with it (STD, pregnancy, guilt, thoughts that he could be using me just to get to sex, etc.)
FYI I married the first and only man I ever dated. I would look at other guys and just know that they weren't long term material

Thursday, September 30, 2010, 2:42 PM

"does size matter" posted march 15, 2009 at 3AM

I don't think size is a big deal as long as you're "average". It gets to a point where if a guy is "bigger" then it actually hurts the female....instead of giving us more pleasure

Thursday, September 30, 2010, 2:45 PM

I have been with my husband for 16 years and we do it at least once a day if not more plus we have lots of foreplay.

Friday, October 1, 2010, 9:36 AM

Been with my boyfriend for almost a year now.
We're still in college, so we only have sex on scheduled nights at the average hotel near us - Saturday, Sundays, and Wednesdays. So, three times a week. The scheduling may seem unromantic to some, but he says it gives him something to look forward to during the week.

I've only gotten through half of the comments, but I thought it'd be fun to give my input:
-We've done bedroom and shower so far.
-We kiss the average amount/whenever we feel like it. Neither of us care about having a clean mouth beforehand, LOL.
-Neither he nor I like or have ever done oral.
-We always use lubricant because it feels way better with (for us).
-There is always foreplay or getting in the mood beforehand (for us).

Friday, December 31, 2010, 1:25 AM

Willie

I have sex whit my wife two time a week and I'm not very happy it use to be every day now we have kid and more hours and I'm going crazy cause I got energe but she dnt

Tuesday, September 6, 2011, 9:41 PM

Willie

My wife is the same way maybe we could trade

Tuesday, September 6, 2011, 9:44 PM

3 times a week and I've been married for 8 years. I heard that's a lot. It is a lot to me.

Thursday, September 22, 2011, 4:00 PM

I have been happily married to my DH for 11 years this month. We have sex 5-7 times a week on average. However, I counted this month and the average was actually 10-12 times per week but we had a little more alone time withouth the kids this week. I know that we have sex at least twice as much as any of our married friends who have not been married as long as we have. But I feel that we are generally more affectionate than most couples who have been together as long as we have. We still hold hands and cuddle the same as we did when we were newlyweds. If you keep the spark alive then you will make time for each other and life does not get in the way because you make your spouse a priority.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011, 11:59 AM

Me and my live in boyfriend apparently have freakishly high sex drives... we end up going at it a couple times a night, and it has been consistently that way for 2 years now. In a weeks time we end up having sex at least 10 times, at most, I haven't really counted.

Now to that let me add that we are no teenage kids, he is 30 with a back problem and I am 28, we both work full time and we have a 4 year old... so it gets difficult, but we have mastered the sneaky quickies, lunchtime "meetings", and have been known to set the alarm 30 minutes early to get in a round before work. We enjoy each other and love the intimacy and passion, and we definately don't deny each other... and we have been known to still have sex through illnesses, and even through recovery from a car accident.

I am not saying my relationship is better or healthier, it is just right for him and I.

Thursday, September 29, 2011, 4:15 PM

So what are you doing when you finished and your his is not?

Link

Saturday, November 12, 2011, 12:14 PM

Together for 8 years, married for 2 years.(30 years old)

When we lived together my wife and I had sex once a month.She only wanted it when she had alcohol, and then the sex was very hot! Really very hot!

Were married now. Have no children because she doesn't want any and me nether and we also cant have because I am unable to, So that part is fine.We both work full time. On our honeymoon we had sex once. I was very unhappy!
Now two years later we had sex maybe once in three months. I was considering divorce because i was sooo frustrated. But the relationship itself was good.So through a few hectic arguments over time she started to understand because if we fought about it I would sit next to her, usually 3am in the morning and force a fix. We did this about twice in 6 months.And wow! now things are sooo much better. We have sex twice a week and she likes to initiate too.Way better than before, and I am extremely happy because she has seen how wonderful, helpful and loving I became.I should also just mention that I was in a car accident many years ago that effected my erection, so ED. But medication fixes it for a few hours. So partly the problem is spontaneity cause the pills take an hour to work.But we have since spoken more readily about all our issues and every time something extra is sorted. We love each other very much, but the lack of sex really did infect my mind with negativity, but now things are turning.

We would schedule it a few days beforehand.
We always bath before the deed.
Only missionary is allowed and no oral what so ever.
Right after sex she would bath again.
The sex itself actually not bad.
But if a bit of alcohol is added. WOW!!!! all positions unlimited orgasms, she never stops and I get worn out and she just wants to go and go. WOW!!!

So talk talk talk, no matter how painful, upsetting or the time. Do it!!! It will not be fixed overnight. Could take a few months like us but, it is so worth it.And I love that new connection and bonding all over again. But also take note that that knowledge is power so beforehand I catered lots of books about marriage and surfed the net like mad.So here and there answers would pop up that I would work into my conversations with my wife.It keeps improving.

Thursday, September 6, 2012, 2:54 AM

this spell caster helped saved my marriage

I was hurt and depressed when my lover of five years left me for another woman. One friend suggested the idea to contact a spell caster, which I would have never thought of myself. I contacted a few of them but prophetharry@ymail.com was the person I felt good with. he was understanding, replied all my emails promptly and patiently. Then I decided to place an order for his spell even if at that time I was still a bit skeptical about his capacity to bring my man back with me. Only 1 week after the spell was actually cast, he returned to me and since then, it seems that there is no more mistrust and no more lies between us. For that reason, I am gladly leaving a testimonial on this page, which I believe will help persons to chose prophetharry for their case.

Suzana

Friday, January 4, 2013, 1:40 AM

I am 60 and married for 38 yrs. Its almost daily and sometimes twice a day. Session last 50mins to 1.5 hrs with almost constant intercourse. Do not orgasm most of the time and just stop because she had enough. Like to going to sleep with me inside her.

Saturday, February 22, 2014, 10:06 PM

These spellcaster people will not stop- it takes so much effort to constantly remove their shit. We may require people to log int via facebook to post stuff.\
-Habib

Monday, February 24, 2014, 12:51 PM

Obviously dr marnish is the REAL DEAL!

I was with a guy for 3 years, he always told me he loved me and that we wouldn't break up because if you love someone you make it work. We could never work out a time when we were both free and just a couple days ago he said we should just be friends. I know he dont me love anymore. When we were dating he said to everyone that I was his girlfriend and introduced me, told his friends he really liked me and told me he loved me, I wanted to be with him again but I never knew what to do. I tried for a long time with other spell casters to get him back but dr.marnish@yahoo.com was the ONLY spell caster that could do the love spell for me that worked, if you need help call him +15036626930, he will always come to your aid, Obviously dr marnish is the REAL DEAL!

Saturday, March 8, 2014, 6:00 PM

I don't get sex often either...

My wife is Asian and ever since she brought her parents over to live in our home we seldom ever have sex. My wife talks with me about it and says not to worry, but I feel very uncomfortable having her parents listen to us when their bedroom is right next door to ours. I feel like I am taking care of them and she brought this onto our relationship. I feel so lost and really don't know what to do about it!

Even if we do have sex, she complains about how tight she is. Another problem of hers.

Do any of you ever have had this problem? I feel this is ruining our relationship completely!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014, 8:13 PM

how i got back my ex

My name is Elizabeth, From USA ,and I’m happily married with a lovely husband and three children.I had a very big problem with my husband few months ago,to the extent that he even packed his things away from our house. He left I and and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring him back.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster, that he is the only one that can handle my situations and problem,that he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting and helping of the needy, Please every every one i would like you all to contact him with his email address,which is as follows.”orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com". I never believed in spell casting,but My friend convinced me and i had no choice than to follow my friend advice,because i never dreamed of loosing my lovely Husband. And i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him all my problems and worries and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my husband back a day after. I didn't believed Him, until when i got home,the next day,my husband called me to inform me that he is coming back home…..So Amazing!! That’s how i got my back through spell casting and our relationship was stronger than ever. One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to the people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by Dr. Olodumare. So! my advice to you out there is to visit this same E-mail address,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back or and problem at all, please Contact him and have a happy life. you can contact him via email (orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com )
CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL

Saturday, June 7, 2014, 7:37 PM

how i get my ex back

I had a problem with my boyfriend 6 months ago, which lead to our broke up. When he broke up with me, i was not myself again; i fill so empty inside me. Until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too. i email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening, not up to 48 hours, my boyfriend gave me a call and he come back to me and told me he was sorry for everything that happen,i am so greatful to this spell caster and will not stop publishing his name on the net for the good work he is doing.If you need his help,you can email him at onimalovespell@gmail.com and he will also help you too Dr Kasee of onimalovespell@gmail.com or tel +2347051705853 i will forever be greatful to you.

Sunday, June 22, 2014, 8:30 PM

husband is back home to me

I just wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to prophet salifu for bringing my husband back to me,I was married to my husband for 4 years and all of a sudden he started seeing another lady (his mistress).he started hailing at me and he was abusive.. and he hated me , but I still loved him with all my heart . the situation made me unsettle and not to focus at work .so a friend told me about trying (prophet salifu )spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to him ? i did not listen to her and hoped that my husband will come back home . after 9 month of seperation and depression , it got out of hand and my husband came back home to break the news to me that he want a divorce that he is getting married to his mistress .Hmmm it was so shocking to me ,i felt sad and more depressed ,so i contacted my friend again and decieded to try to use spiritual means reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things? I never thought in a million years that i will get my husband back to me a again. but I was proved wrong.after 24 hours, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it that we are back together. I am deeply satisfied and thankful with prophet salifu work .if you also want to fix you marriage or relationship email him at prophetsalifu@yahoo.com or prophetsalifu@gmail.com , his work is for a better life .

Monday, July 14, 2014, 2:16 PM

how i got my husband back

My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM

Tuesday, January 26, 2016, 9:27 PM

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