how long? (OT- Relationship question)

I was dating a guy for almost four years when he ended the relationship this past november. It was an extremely difficult time for me but I feel as though I have "mourned" the loss of our relationship and it is time for me to see what else is out there. so, I've been dating two guys for a few weeks now. the problem is I find myself crying lately over my ex. is it too soon to get back out there? or am I just being silly? My friends are excited for me to see what else is out there and I really like one of the guys I've been going out with.
looking for other opinions! help!

Thu. Jan 11, 12:44pm

i look at it like this. now this analogy won't be understood by everyone, but it works for me. i had a cat that died suddenly. i was very distraught and a friend gave me a cat that needed to be cared for shortly afterwards. although i still missed my other cat, i needed to develop feelings that would allow me to continue loving another cat as a pet. sure, i had moments of intense grief in the beginning, especially when the new cat did something that reminded me of the cat who had died. but, without embracing the new cat and my own needs to learn to love through loss and keep having cats in my life as companions, it was vital for me to "move on". of course, cats are different than people, but the lesson is essentially the same. i may not jump right into an intense relationship directly after ending one (or having one ended), but i think it is important to recognize the desire to be with others and just go with it as much as it is comfortable for you. if you find that you are becoming overwhelmed, back of of dating for a while, but continue to go out and meet people. this is my 2 cents.

Thursday, January 11, 2007, 12:59 PM

The best way to get over one guy is to get under another! :-)

Thursday, January 11, 2007, 1:27 PM

I agree 100%

Thursday, January 11, 2007, 9:40 PM

I think it's totally understandable that after four years of being with someone, you still cry over them. I had a serious relationship that ended years ago and I still miss the person sometimes. And sometimes I still cry.

I think you should go out and have fun and flirt and all that with these new guys, but treat yourself gently and don't force yourself to be more serious with them than you really feel! November wasn't that long ago.

Friday, January 12, 2007, 12:16 AM

for first poster

Honey no matter how hard you try you will always love this man. Even if he crushed your soul. Yes it is good to look for others but i dont feel like your quite ready yet if you still cry froom missing him. The heart is such an awful thing to break. Right now i imagine your still depressed and that is understandable, I really really feel for you. But for now just stay with hanging out with your friends they will be what I like to call your core your strength if they are good friends that is. Take your time. One day you will wake up and for some unknown reason the sun will shine brighter you'll be able to hear the birds sing and you will have a smile on your face. That will be your day. I am speaking from experience. People all around you will notice that your different. Thats the day i would venture to start over. Right now be patient pray and it will happen.

Friday, January 12, 2007, 12:54 AM

OP: thank you all for your words of advice. I know that I am not the first to have this happen, and I won't be the last either. It is nice to know that there are good people on here willing to listen and share their experiences with complete strangers. I especially liked the story about the cat. it made me cry, because the #1 thing I miss are his cats. they were my babies!
thanks again!!!

Friday, January 12, 2007, 10:09 AM

Don't sit alone in your room go out and stick your chin up Some day you might thank God your old boyfriend broke up wit you. My sister in law ha been married well over 10 years her husband is a doll! She had a fiance break up with her 1 month before the wedding then she had the next guy she was dating for 1 year dumb her When she finally met her husband through friends ,she was not head and heels over him. Today she is very happily married and thinks her husband is a prince. She is so glad she gave the relationship time. She got a keeper

Saturday, January 13, 2007, 12:02 PM

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