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Torn between guys...


This is the poster from the "Women with shorter husbands/bfs" thread.

Okay so I guess I need more opinions here.. I can do a pro and con list of each of these guys... they are running different races though... Guy A I met when he had a gf/fiance. They broke up almost a year ago. We are emotionally very close, and have had feelings for eachother for along while.

Guy B I met through guy A randomly one day because they happen to know eachother from a party several yrs earlier. Him and I are a new thing. He is very shy and seems to kinda keep his feelings locked up because he has been burned in the past.

Guy a- socially outgoing... charming... would go to a dance class with me... is very uhm.. experienced and would try anything... always smells amazing.. always compliments me...very romantic.. has a "traditional" religious family (big).. wants a more lavish life style Like I do as well... a go getter

Guy b- smart... very awesome to lounge with... very laid back... very domestic in terms of cleaning the house etc.. my brother likes him ( which is big).. physically taller then me, makes me feel smal ( also big) I can actually tell him exactly what I want using a brackets system... example " Well I don't know about this" (read: I'm not comfortable because this has happened to me before and I need your support on this). haha

Guy a- physically shorter and smaller then me... seems to be verrry emotional at times... can be a lot like my ex... brother thinks he's like my ex.. ( who was just like a jerry springer case) seems to think of himself a lot in terms of would should be happy... we get into little sqabbles over nothing.. his fam is a lot different then mine... he's very " go with the flow" and I'm very " lets plan"..

Guy b- is very unobservant... appears to be indifferent, but occasionally moody.. has a broken fam ( again nothing wrong with that, just I come from a house with two parents who have been married for 30 yrs and they are only 50 lol) doesnt seem as romantic, socially awkward.. doesnt want the same exact future.. seems to be odd about normal things.. ( he HATESSS feet) and isn't as sexually experienced as the first guy..

Other factors: I plan on hyphenating my name when I get married... Guy a's name sounds really dumb with mine as they both start with the same letter...
Guys b name sounds great.

I'm fairly young... guy a is 4 yrs older, guy b is 2 yrs older.

I actually have almost the same feelings for both... guy A I havent even kissed yet, guy b we have etc.

I dont like the idea of me kissing guy b before we were dating, throwing me back to guy a. I don't like the emotional stress guy a is putting on me, so I'm thrown back to guy b.

I could see a life ( down the road/ marriage) with guy a...

I could see right now with guy b...

I know ppl have put on here about marriages and such... so I think any insite on this would be great.

Tue. Sep 12, 12:54pm

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Quite frankly I would keep looking for guy C. Neither of these guys really seems to mesh with your emotional level of maturity. Guy A is a bit immature and too hasty to rush into things and guy B is equally immature in a 'if I pretend not to see it maybe it will go away' style. Neither of these things is likely to change, but I'd prefer A over B because at least he'll talk about it even if the arguments are childish. Personally I'd look for someone who is more comfortable understanding and communicating about their emotional needs. Nor do their financial and personal planning styles or desires for the future fit yours very well. It's easy for me to say this because I found guy C, but I've had plenty of A's and B's - keep looking was my reaction.

Good luck!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 1:06 PM

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thats a pretty brutal situation

i think if you can go for a and then have it not work out as bad as this sounds b may still be around and you may meet new ppl along the way

see where it goes

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 1:59 PM

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I agree, neither of them seem to fit. Wait for the best and DO NOT settle!!!!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 2:10 PM

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But not everyone is perfect on paper. I mean sure these guys have flaws but doesn't everyone? People can grow into the person you end up with.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 2:14 PM

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i don't think you need to settle for the guy with more "pro's". wait until you don't even feel a need to weigh the issue. the right guy will come along.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 2:18 PM

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Op here

I should add in that guy a seems to enjoy playing games....

He seems to think ghim being completley removed emotionally ( atleast to me) is the best option (N) so normally emotional guy a is now as cold as a fish ( because he knows about guy b and some others/ I'm not doing anything with them, it's an emotional dea) and b is still trucking along with his cautiousness

I am starting to think a and b may not be right... but I'm usually the type to back away and not try.. so I may try this time :P

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 2:21 PM

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To the 2:18's comment: I think maybe people seem to think ppl are right because they have nothing to litteral to compare it too. I think it's good you are weighing their differences. We should all be so lucky!

You'll end up with someone better in the end. A, B or Q.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 2:23 PM

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Speaking from my perspective of a 12 year relationship with my hubby (I'm 30 now), someone you can see yourself growing with is going to be the best pick. Don't plan on changing anyone "after you get married", but do plan on both of you changing, hopefully in a more mature, comforting and loving way over time.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 3:01 PM

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can you casually date both for a little while? then you'll know for sure if either one is right for you. it may turn out that neither one is . . .

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 3:40 PM

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Hold out for guy C or maybe D, etc. I would pass on both of these guys.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 3:54 PM

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I wonder do guys think about things like this... I too am going through a man issue right now I posted the OT relationships thread that didn't get much of a response.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 4:43 PM

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OP here

I wish I knew why guy B was so capitvating... I'm not normally a touchy person but I can lay all over him and not care....

So I sent guy A an email saying seriously whats the deal, what do you want from me now, soon and in the future.. if you dont want to be with me.. tell me.. we deserve more kinda thing...

I'm so tired of "putting out" emotionally. Both A and B are sucking me dry in terms of NO reciprocating emotion now... A used to be so good with this stuff but he seems to have gone off the deep end now... I keep thinking what on earth am I doing here... I mean I havent been in a relationship in a long while, and I always have this "confusion" with some number of guys. So this isnt new... but my need/desire to turn one of them into something more then just another one of the many guys who have passed through my heart is so undeniable.... maybe I'm just lonley? Maybe I like the attention. I think I just like the fact they -have- to care about me.

I know I shouldnt settle and with either I dont think I am... but I dunno I start thinking I know C is coming along, but why not have a or b and see what happens?

I'd like to add in here this is a new mentality for me... I usually dont think this way and I dont even know what changed!!!

Thanks so much for all your input everyone!!! Please continue. I know there is more people like me out there and they may not be willing to post so you are probably helping more then just I

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 6:09 PM

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I think it's great to have periods where you don't get involved in a relationship, just date different people and work on yourself.

So what changed? You! :-) I'll bet the answer is that you have done some maturing and have a better idea of who you are as a person right now and that means you know more about what you want in another person. All you're asking for is some honest introspection, some adult communications skills and someone who can grow with you. Neither of these guys really seems to fit that bill, but believe me you're not asking too much.

Enjoy your time with a and b for what it is, but I think you would sell yourself short to get involoved seriously with either one unless they do some growing too.

best wishes!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006, 7:57 PM

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I am with 1:06. Look for Guy C Good Luck1 I say a pray for you!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006, 3:42 AM

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OP here


So here is an update lol

As I mentioned I sent guy A an email. Well it was a pretty intense email. I should never write emails before 5pm, I'm just not thinking clearly. lol anyways I don't know if he read it or not but he told me on msn... " for informations sake, I'm avoiding the email right now" and then we had a perfectly fine convo.

Infact I went out with some ppl later who were talking to him through my msn account and I think he was a bit miffed I was having so much fun. I told him that I hadt really had a good time in a long while, and I havent because I've been so feaking stressed!!!! Anyways guy B has been consistant. I have to say him being awesome about all of this just makes him that much hotter!!

Anyways I'm thinking C or whatever may be a good option...right now there is a lot of stress off me which is good =D!!! And frankly I'm seeing thwem both in one of my classes tonight... so i hope that goes ok!!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006, 8:21 AM

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