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Goal weight and unsatisfied:(

I have lost 5 more pounds than my goal weight....its fantastic... I've lost a total of 25 pounds now. Yet somehow (perhaps years of being far from my goal, low self esteem, being a woman these days, etc, etc) I still have the same "fat days".... I wanna slap myself, yet at the time it doesnt feel at all irrational. I know that the me 6 months ago would be thrilled to see the number I see on the scale each morning now. But the current me is not as pleased. I just wanna find satisfaction, I wanna come to peace with my body, but I guess its not as easy as just losing the weight. Any thoughts? similar feelings? I guess I just wanna talk about it.

Mon. May 15, 7:36pm

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Hi! I think that no matter how much we weigh, we're going to suffer from "fat days." I'm at my goal weight but I still feel like some days are better than others. I guess the moral is that the number on the scale shouldn't be what controls us. Maybe I'm insecure as well, but I've just kind-of resigned myself to say that we're never going to be completely pleased with our bodies b/c of all the impossible standards that we have for ourselves. There are always going to be those areas that we feel like we could improve or we wish looked better... Hope that helps or at least it's some consolation that you're not alone in your feelings.

Monday, May 15, 2006, 8:09 PM

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me too

Although I am not at my goal, I too have lost about ~25 lbs and there are days when I think I haven't lost an ounce. I think we're bound to have "fat" days forever no matter what the scale shows. With that being said, have you though about evaluating your goals in a way that aren't a number on the scale? How's the BMI? The hip to waist ratio? The blood pressure? The cholesterol? The amount of fat vs lean body mass?
Maybe you need to re-evaluate.

Monday, May 15, 2006, 9:05 PM

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Nope it's not so easy. I am not at my goal yet, but I am over halfway there and i rather thought I'd be happy to be where I am now. There are plenty of days when all I can see are the parts I don't like.

One thing's for sure - I don't have nearly so many fat days when I exercise every day. It's after I miss a couple days that I start disliking what I see.

Monday, May 15, 2006, 9:09 PM

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I agree with the above poster. How I feel about my body directly correlates to whether I have been consistant working out. Miss a few days and I feel gross, stay consistant and I feel strong and accepting of my body (which doesn't mean I don't still want to lose, I just like myself) , even at 40# over my goal weight.

Monday, May 15, 2006, 10:35 PM

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I agree too. I feel fat when I don't take care of myself. The self hatred stuff is so can come up when I least expect it. I feel like I'm literally fighting it off when I work up a good sweat!

Monday, May 15, 2006, 10:56 PM

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I call it "fat girl syndrome" once you've felt that you're fat and it affects your worth, you have a hard time accepting yourself. It's really just a psychological thing, and the more time you spend trying to lose more wieght or obsessing over appearance, saying "I'll be happy when..." You just have to come to a point where you say "I'm going to be happy now. Period."

Monday, May 15, 2006, 11:40 PM

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i think 99.9% of women are unhappy or insecure about their bodies at least once in a while. It doesn't matter how thin you are, how toned you are, how rich you are, how nice your clothes are, how much your boyfriend or husband cares about you etc . . . We can chalk it up to hormone flunctuations, excess water weight dure to salt/alcohol/gas, or waking up on the wrong side of the bead!! i think you just have to fight through those days by trying to remind youself of the truth-that you are beautiful, strong, and healthy for all of your hard work!!! (whether you are at your goal or just trying to make it there!).

Although, i find when i have my "fat" days the best remedy is to get together with my girlfriends and share a bottle of wine and commiserate!

Monday, May 15, 2006, 11:52 PM

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I think we all have days where we don't like what we see. On those days, I try to concentrate on what my body can do. Yeah, so I don't like how large my thighs are, but they're great at hiking up mountains. So, my butt's definitely grown overnight, but it makes me a fast sprinter.
It's hard to accept your body for what it is. I'm not terribly good at it. I also find that workouts and taking care of myself help me feel better. Give yourself an excuse to pamper yourself, too. Take a hot bath, etc. It's funny, getting in better shape is a lot easier than accepting your body. Does anyone know good resources for building body self esteme/acceptance. It's an issue I think needs to be addressed more here.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 4:55 AM

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Start enjoying your body! Buy new clothes, walk around naked, watch your muscles in the mirror when you workout.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 9:02 AM

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Just a question for all those people who have reached their "goal" weight. How did you actually come to the number at which you were aiming for? Had you been there previously, did you use BMI, was it a doctor who told you?

I am so concerned that once I get to my goal weight it won't be enough.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 9:37 AM

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The moments I'm happiest with my body are when it has allowed me to accomplish something. When I was 80 lbs overweight, I felt fantastic during my martial arts class (kinda like judo) because I could fight and win against the men -- we weighed the same, they were lean and built and I clearly wasn't, and I still won. Other moments happen at work (massage therapy), where the extra poundage (now "only" 50 extra) allows me to perform some of the more challenging Thai techniques on guys who are over a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than me. In some of my strange little hippie moments, I actually look at my arms and legs and belly and thank them for treating me better than I've treated them over the years.

That's how I manage to make peace with my body and get over the days when I realize I'm still fat, damn it.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 9:46 AM

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I agree with a few of the posters's usually when I slip up (eat lots of sweets or miss a few days of exercise) that I feel fat and horrible about my self. When I'm eating right and exercising I feel strong, proud, and beautiful.

As far as feeling satisfied with ourselves - if you're the type of person I am and always striving for peak performance, I don't think we will ever feel completely satisfied. We will get to the point where we feel really good about ourselves and have tons of self-confidence, excluding the "fat" days, but because we are always trying to improve ourselves mentally, physically, socially, spiritually, etc, we won't be satisfied. We will be happy but never satisfied. I guess this is a good and bad quality we possess.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 10:06 AM

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To the OP, first of all, do you like what you see in the mirror? How did you lose weight by diet alone or w/ exercise? If you did by diet alone, I strongly suggest you start some sort of exercising. If you already do exercise, take on a new activity or new challenge in your regular routine.

IMHO, your problem is that you had this superficial goal focused on the scale number. The reason I want to lose weight, is so I could run faster, wear high heels (I know sounds superficial, but it's easier to carry less weight on those) and generally be healthier. I also want to take on rock climbing - so I want the agility I will obviously need and stronger upper body and lighter lower body. If you focus on the things that your body can do now - 25lbs lighter - rather than how it looks/feels, it will give you more satisfaction. Better yet, book a vacay in Hawaii - learn to surf - and ask yourself if you could've done that a year ago!

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 10:29 AM

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it takes time

I lost 60 lbs several years ago -- it took quite awhile to reform my body image and really see myself. I'm still not at my goal, but feeling pretty good about my body. Things that help: feeling strong and capable, people treating me better, new form-fitting clothes, great sex. :) Seriously, glance into the mirror after a good romp in bed -- you will see your body in a whole new way!
(and I'm all for the surfing idea -- do something you never would have dared to before -- you will feel like a different person)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 10:59 AM

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