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spouse/partner issue

I joined PT in January 2012. I've worked through the Emotional Eating program and the Point of No Return program. I lost over 20 lbs by March and have kept them off.
My struggle right now is what to do about my husband's weight issue. I know it's not my job to police what he eats, tell him what to eat, or make him change his habits. Those are all things he has to be ready to do, but what's frustrating and separating us is that I've taken the challenge, crossed the hurdles, made drastic changes to what I eat and how much I exercise and I feel like now we have this weird barrier between us. Part of me gets the sense from him that he would like to do what I'm doing but then I'll see him go to the fridge or pantry after supper and choose to eat things he shouldn't. Or he'll eat mindlessly--cleaning up after the kids, eating when he's not hungry just bored or stressed. I want to help him but at the same time I can't hold his hand and make it all go away like my 3 year old's boo-boos. Has anyone else been through something like this? I'm really having a hard time knowing what to talk to him about because the elephant in the room is that I'm skinny and he's not.

Sun. Sep 16, 2:23pm

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inspiration, education, love and patience

I actually had the opposite problem.

Twenty years ago, I was the one who was overweight and out of shape in the relationship, I was into Americana greasy spoon diners, fried foods, and a lot of smoking and drinking. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was the more healthy, active one, eating salads and playing soccer and running cross country. Nowadays he is an urban hiker and eats along the lines of Michael Pollan and Slow Food. I made the switch to a healthier lifestyle about five years ago when I found PEERtrainer. Yeah, about 15 years later I made a massive turnaround in my lifestyle.

I think I could have made the switch sooner if I had the knowledge... sometimes you can't make better choices if you don't know what those choices are and WHY you are making them...

I really like the PEERtrainer emails, I also like Dr. Mercola's newsletter (, Donna Gates (The Body Ecology Diet), Kris Carr, Tom Venuto, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Zuzana Light ( and many others for INSPIRATION.

Maybe your husband needs to address the stress and boredom first? Maybe he might benefit from a boxing class? Or a couch to 5K program. Perhaps he needs a little nudge. I also believe sleep is crucial.

I hope you get some creative ideas from others to help point you and your husband in the right direction. Celebrate his little wins. Encourage and support him. Good luck. Hang in there!!

Monday, September 17, 2012, 9:36 AM

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spouse/partner issue

I just read the comment made to the question of the husband not following the diet after you have. It was a good response. I think people need time to find their way. I've been waiting for my husband to come around after I lost all my extra weight and started getting in shape (3 years now). I know he would like to join me but he gets very resentful if I coach him at all. I think I may print out the articles on emotional and stress eating because that's what I think he struggles with. Then I'll just leave it for him to read when he's ready.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012, 11:49 AM

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