not sure what to do

i have been with my husband for 18 years and today he tells me i make him sick yes i am over weight but i have been for 16 years and it never seemed to bother him before i am doing ww lost 15lbs so far i love him dearly i havee been with him since i was 15 i dont know what to think he is 9 yrs older than me and always talks about his ex girlfriend ive asked him if he still loves her he says no but why does he go on about her so much anyways thanks for lstening needed to vent

Sat. Aug 7, 3:04pm

He honestly says that to you? Sounds like a first class ass hole. Even my husband thinks so. I think you may need to ask him for real if he truly cares about you. A man who truly honestly loves the woman he is with will love her thick or thin no matter what. If he don't? You may need to find a new and better life for yourself.

Thursday, August 19, 2010, 11:34 PM

I am sorry for your pain. Clearly his statement was cruel and insensitive.

That said, I have to tell you that my husband once said something along these lines to me in a moment of anger. It was clearly meant to hurt me but was truly out of character for him. It hurt me deeply.

It did make us both realize that we needed counseling and I am happy to say that many years later, we are very happy.

It did make me take stock in myself, however. It was a slap in the face and made me realize that whether he said it or not, he was not attracted to me in that condition. And even more importantly, he was not attracted to me because I wasn't taking care of myself.

So my advice is the following:
1. Lose weight for you, not for him.
2. Tell him how much it hurt you and ask him truthfully if he loves you. The reality is, he can still love you but be turned off for some reason. If he says he does love you, then make the effort to work through this, as painful as it is.

Good luck.

Friday, August 20, 2010, 4:18 PM

Out of curiosity - how attracted to him are you?

I agree with teh PP about counseling. Even if he won't go - you should because after years of putting up with that, it's going to take more than us telling you that you're worth it and that you don't have to take this.

::hugs::

Friday, August 20, 2010, 4:27 PM

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