overreacting

geez. okay i am at clincials and go to check my phone to see 4 missed calls 1 text and 1 message all from bf, who is pissed off that i wouldnt answer my phone., HELLO im in clinicals i can't answer. he had to come to town for a appt and wanted to sit at my place to wait, i can't answer at there, i didnt even see the messages til 2 hrs later and now he is all pissed. i feel bad for my self for the way he is acting. i just needed to vent

Thu. Apr 6, 6:40pm

Your BF needs to back off. The cell phone is not a leash.

Thursday, April 6, 2006, 8:36 PM

ahhhh! op

op: he usually isnt not controlling at all in that way. its just like he wants to always though the blame on me, for every little thing. and god forbid he say he is sorry. i should have to apologize. i love him, but lately ive been thinking of my future, and that there isn't going to be much of one. he doesnt know how to save any money, and prolly will never make alot. i dont think i would want to live with him, he is soo messy. GOD idont know anymore at all. i love him, i think he loves me, somewhat

Thursday, April 6, 2006, 10:08 PM

let's not overreact to her overreaction of his overreaction...sounds like he misses her; she's too busy to do anything about it; and it's all exploding. if they are committed to the relationship, they'll be ok.

Friday, April 7, 2006, 8:27 AM

op

we've beeen toghehter for almost 3 yrs. we took a break last year, and before that he could say he loved me. now he says he doesnt know what love is.

Friday, April 7, 2006, 10:04 AM

Dear OP, Many months ago, there was a thread that talked about the book The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Haden Elgin. I think this book would be a real eye-opener for you. This book would define your boyfriend's behavior as verbal abuse. The book would also teach you how to gently counter your boyfriend's verbal attacks. Best of luck.

Friday, April 7, 2006, 12:51 PM

Dump him! Sounds controlling and unloving. I know, but you love him. But does he show love for you and treat you with respect?

Saturday, April 8, 2006, 4:57 AM

Do you really love him or is it that he is there when you need him? If you don't see a future with him and you wouldn't want to live with him and he hasn't got motivation to earn money then you need to ask yourself why your wasting your time? Seeing no future with him should be enough of an eye opener to start thinking of finding someone who does fit into your future. Don't make the mistake of thinking he is going to change for you and don't make the mistake of being the one to end up supporting both of you.

Saturday, April 8, 2006, 5:33 PM

To the OP

I agree with the last poster.

1) Financial concerns can weigh very heavily on a relationship. Not sure how old you are, but if you have concerns about his spending habits and he hasn't moved towards making them better, you are setting yourself for many future arguments on this issue.

2) If he can't hold his weight in income, you need to think a lot about this. If this is troublesome to you now, think of how you will feel in 10 years, if you've been his "sugar momma"... My aunt supported my uncle & her 2 boys for the duration of their marriage. My uncle has been saying since the 1980s (YES, the 80s!!!) that the "economy is bad, so I can't find a job". He had a degree in Accounting... so there you have it--he wasn't trying hard to find any job. Took her 20 + years but she finally divorced him... but here's the kicker, he lives in the basement of the house SHE paid for, and SHE still pays for. Luckily, both of their kids are in College / Graduated from College now... but even to this day, he has a MINIMUM WAGE, PART-TIME job!!! You truly don't need to go down that same type of path!!!

3) Okay, even if you are "over-reacting" to him "over-reacting", his paging you repeatedly and then getting jealous or angry that you haven't responded to his calls is NOT a good sign. My friend's hubby was the same way. If he called, she had to jump-- however, if she called him, he NEVER answered the phone-- it's like he looked at it, saw that it was her and then wouldn't call back.....

In other words, it's an issue of control... Thankfully, you seem to see that as part of the equation.. However, you need to be firm about his TRUST in you. In his reaction, I see lack of trust. If you haven't done anything to violate his trust, then HE is over-reacting, not you! Verbal abuse can lead to worse things down the road!

4) I know this sounds old-fashioned, but I believe that it's sometimes kind of true-- my mom says that the woman should always be with a guy who loves her more than she loves him.... The hidden meaning is men tend to find it easier than a woman to "trade for a newer, younger "model" of woman" when they get older....If he is already saying he's not sure what love is... do you really think that staying with him is going to help him to love you more? I don't know that that will happen. It seems that he might get the wandering eye and leave you high and dry down the road....

5) Step BACK and take a deeper look into your relationship. If you were talking to a friend and she presented the scenarios you presented to us, what would your advice be to her??? I tend to think that you might not tolerate a man treating your friend this way... and why should you tolerate that type of treatment yourself?

Sunday, April 9, 2006, 3:06 AM

He's too emo. Life should not be filled with such drama!

Sunday, April 9, 2006, 1:12 PM

to the 3:06 poster . . .

#5 is great advice!!! i have a sister in a really unhealthy relationship and i've tried everything to illustrate the situation w/ no success . . . this is a great way to think about the situation! thanks!!

Sunday, April 9, 2006, 2:16 PM

red flags

This shouldn't be that big of a dilema for you, how many red flags do you need? I agree with another poster on here, "life shouldn't be filled with that kind of drama".

Sunday, April 9, 2006, 3:20 PM

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