Negative Comments Now that you have Thinned Down

I have always been thin, in my genes I guess, but I still have to work at it to maintain it. I have a number of friends are trying to slim down, I have always been very supportive of their goals. What I dont understand is why they can't be supportive of me, just because my goal is not to drop 20pounds doesn't mean that my goals are not valid.

This weekend I was at the mall and I over heard a number of negative comments from larger women to their friends/family that were smaller than them regarding their weight. WHY? This drives me crazy!

Have you gotten any negative comments about your body size now that you have slimmed down? or are you guilty of not supporting your thinner friends in their goals?

Tue. Mar 28, 9:44am

I am guilty of not supporting my thinner friends. When I hear a woman in her 40's who complains to me about how she's always been 105 her whole life and now she's 115...well, let's just say it's hard to find the sympathy. And it makes me wonder...at what point do we as women accept ourselves for who we are? If I lose 30 pounds will I still be thinking i'd look better if I lost 10 more?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 9:58 AM

I think with something people need to be more understanding. Think of how a chubby person must feel if a person who is 100 pounds thinks they are gross and fat.. my comparision that means they are obece!!! I think with weight being such a tender issue, if you dont have the same amount to lose, avoid the topic all together. I find when my skinny friends get skinnier and they talk to me about it, I find it offensive and a bit selffish on their part. I'm doing all I can to be thin and they are just almost rubbing it in my face. There is no way a thin ( already) person can help in the ways of weight loss unless they know exactly where the person was coming from ( thin person lost 50 pounds, heavy person has 50 pounds too lose) that would work... not ( stick thin from birth, 100 pounds over weight) Its just a people thing.

Frankly heavy people outnumber thin people, one could think that they have the advantage then. When it comes to weight like I said its best just to avoid the topic on those people/

I go to the gym with my friend who has honest to the lord the perfect body. We have completly different goals so it works, but if Im like " oh man feeling chubs" and she's like " oh yeah me too" I know that FOR HER she IS feeling CHUBS even though thats still like 30 pounds less then I

It takes a very strong person to help a thin person when they aren't thin. It can be done, but I know very few people.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 10:37 AM

Here, here!

I agree, no sympathy (although that's probably insenstive) for my size 4, 5'8 friends who say they are "getting a belly". Screw YOU. Meanwhile i am working my butt off to get from a 14 to 12 over 5 months.

Acceptance, hmm yes. I think on both ends its required. I remember when I was a 4 at 5'8 freaking over the possibility of becoming a 6.

I guess it's all relative?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 10:38 AM

As (to many) a "thin" person who is losing weight, let me tell you it's NOT at all relative or logical!!

Ten extra pounds on me is FAR MORE gross and distressing to me than 150 extra pounds on you. Trust me, my complaining that I hate my extra 10 pounds does NOT in any way mean that I think you are 15 times more gross!!! It means that I am thinking of you and I as being together in the same boat.

On the subject of this thread, my whole life my mother has been telling me how obese I am. (I'm not obese; I just have boobs, which she doesn't have, and which she clearly subconsiously thinks are a mark of a dirty woman.) It took me a while to realize that this was HER problem, not MY problem. But I did have some love handles to lose, and I lost them. Now she is obsessed with the idea that I am too thin. I just ignore it!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 10:44 AM

I have some friends going through a gastric bypass-- while they were losing the weight, people were giving them kudos. but now that they have lost it-- the people are saying "oh, she's too thin".. blah blah...

It's terrible when a person who had to resort to such drastic measures cannot be left alone!!! When will she finally be able to be accepted as herself vs. her weight?

I personally think that she looks good and can see that her self-confidence has been boosted now that she has lost the weight. I don't see why others need to be picking at her weight, when she obviously has had some personal battles (and may continue to have those battles for the rest of her life?!)

Really, every person has their own demons. Unfortunately, our society has made it acceptable to pick on other people and to always find fault with something...

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 11:53 AM

I used to be 165 for years and I felt chubby, but still pretty. I lost and went to 135 for my wedding and felt pretty and attractive like I had never felt before. Now that I am back up to 150, I feel sooooo unattractive. I used to be relatively happy with 165, but now that I have been thinner, I feel like punishing myself and hating myself at 150. I do think that no matter what your current weight is, a woman can still geniunely convince herself that she is disgustingly fat to herself, and just because she isn't super duper overweight, doesn't mean that her goals or her feelings are less valid. Feelings are feelings, and they are valid because you can't help the way that you feel. you can only help what you DO with those feelings.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 12:13 PM

Why so many negative comments from not-so-thin people? If you read the OP post, she said eventhough she'd been blessed with good genes she has to work hard to maintain them! She didn't say all she does is lay on the couch and eat donuts.
I'm 15 lbs overweight from my thinnest self, I grew up being chubby and the fattest girl in class so I've been there in the 'fat mentality'. But now, I guess I look 'thin' to people who need to lose 30+lbs. I do envy all the fit girls in the gym, but I only admire their hard work and dedication, since I know that with little more work and extra dedication I could look like them. Please stop envying thinner women and take their example. Ask them when was the last time they had a donut - probably years ago!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 12:40 PM

OP here.... I understand where some of y'all are coming from and some of the items outlined by these post have come up in conversation with close friends.

Although I am thin I understand that in a few years my body is goign to change and my motabolism is going to change as well. I work hard to maintain my body.
I always feel like some of my friends or peers think the only fitness goal that is out there is to lose weight. We'll my goal is to maintain and gain muslce. I support you in your goals why can't you support me in mine even though they are different?

My bestfriend's goal is to lose weight we used to go to the gym together but it was to hard to work out together because we were both striving for different outcomes. We decided to no longer work out together but to still support each other and motivate each other. I also had to let her know how her negative comments effected me, and I flat out told her that I dont make negative comments about her weight or her goals and not to make negative comments on me. She's my bestfriend and we completely understand each other. I'm having the negativity issue with other friends and peers. I also notice it in everyday life between other people, just by people watching and ease dropping.

BTW last time i ate a donut was 2 weekends ago, but I also added 15 mins of cardio that day, so that in my mind it balanced out.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 1:14 PM

"Please stop envying thinner women and take their example. Ask them when the last time they had a donut was..."

This is one of the most insensitive, illogical, misinformed statements I have ever read on peer trainer. There are so many reasons a person can be overweight. I had a dr. once tell me "eat less, exercise more, it's as simple as that." That was before another dr. diagnosed me with thyroid disease. I run/bike/swim an hour a day and I don't eat donuts or sweets for the most part. I have a thin sister who eats whatever she wants. I have watched her eat half a box of girl scout cookies in one sitting. On average, it takes me about a month to lose a pound and that's really working at it. Losing weight is not the same for everyone. It's going to be harder for some people than others and that's just life. But telling someone to start acting like a thin person is insulting!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 10:02 AM

I dunno, some people have thyroid problems... Personally, _ I_ had a shopping problem. When I decided to lose weight I went to the grocery store, spotted a slender woman, and followed her around to buy the same things she bought. It's one thing to read about nutrition in theory, and another to put it into practice. But following thin people around the grocery store really helped me. (I hope they didn't notice because it might have been creepy!)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 10:22 AM

All I said was that some 'thin' people have to work hard to get there, not everyone is as lucky as your sister. On the other hand not all overweight people have underlying health issues. I do also, like you, struggle with weight exercise like crazy and rarely indulge in junk food. And yes my doctor told me to get my thyroid and liver checked - I just brushed them off for now... But if you take a walk at any mall any given day you'll see all these big people with oversized drinks and fries.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 10:24 AM

I'm not a "thin" person or a "fat person," but I am a healthy eater, and although I could definitely exercise more than I do, I walk at least a mile a day just getting to/from work. I'm 5'1" tall, and right now, at 120 lbs, and a size 4, I'm very thin for me, but not skinny in the least. At 130 lbs, 8 months ago, I was between a size 6 and a size 8. It took 8 months to lose 10lbs, and I worked very hard at it. And on a frame as short as me, that's a size and a half!

A size 4 is very small, and 120 lbs is very small, but 5'1" is also very small. Everything is relative. When I'm wearing my size M/6 underwear, many of them still push out bulges of fat at my hips, which I hate. Though none of my size 4 pants push out the "muffin top!"

I sympathize with people who are bigger than me, but frankly, if yo're 5'8", and trying to go from a size 14 to a size 10, you're about proportional with what I did, even if that same move requires 30lbs of weight loss. And once you reach that size 10, you're at least as thin as I am in a size 4! So yeah, it's a little bit frusterating to have to "justify" my desire to lose weight to people who are proportionally just like me, but weight and size wise, much bigger. Now, if you're 5'1" and more overweight than I was, at 130lbs, then I do feel for you, and I don't expect your sympathy and support. But that's a totally different situation than what I usually experience.

Oh, and I honesty cannot remember the last time I had a donut. It probably was years ago. And we have them at all of my team meetings, sitting on the table between everyone, less than an arm's length away. And I love donuts. I keep packets of weight control oatmeal in my desk drawer, and if we're having an early meeting and I don't have time for breakfast first, I'll make the packet of oatmeal with hot water from the coffee machine, in one of those styrafoam coffee cups, and take it to the meeting, so I can eat something and not starve, staring the donuts down. But I'd surely sit there, starving, and still not eat a donut. And I was like that before too, before I lost the weight that I lost. So I had to cut back to much stricter than just not eating office junk food, b/c I never ate it in the first place!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 10:38 AM

"But if you take a walk at any mall any given day you'll see all these big people with oversized drinks and fries. "

Yeah, but THOSE are FUTURE PeerTrainer buddies, not the people you're addressing here! :-)

Here we have to focus on the positive. It's hard to lose weight. It's hard to lose ANY amount of weight. Let's all remember that everyone needs encouragement to change, not blame.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 1:09 PM

Back to the topic at hand -

I am 5'3" and I weighed 150 for most of my life. I have lost 35 pounds since last summer. I have worked long and hard, running, weight training and counting calories. It's the same for anyone losing weight. It isn't easy. I have an awesome small but muscular build and I think I look great right now.

I feel I have mainly gotten negative comments from people I know. Since I was never extremely overweight, slimming down 35 pounds has made them ask if I am sick or something. I eat salads for lunch (I want to maintain, not gain back) and everyone at work says "You're so small, what are you eating salad for??" Trust me, I am working at staying small, I have to eat salad for lunch! I wish someone would compliment my biceps and shoulders instead!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 1:51 PM

OP here.

to the 1:51 poster. Like you I wish I would get more comments about my new found muscles rather than comments like "your so skinny cause all you eat is rabbit food" excuse me have you ever thought about the fact that i like rabbit food?

This is not an issue between thin and overweight people, this is an issue of not supporting your peers in whatever their goals may be.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 1:58 PM

to 1.09pm poster - the OP mentioned her friends and people at the mall - not PT buddies here...
to 10.22 am poster - LOL, reminded me of 'King of Queens' episode was in re-runs last night - Carrie is following this woman in the supermarket so she could cook up a TG dinner, then whe the other woman isn't looking she steals her cart! unfortunately, with no success...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 3:22 PM

1:51 poster here:

Yeah, everyone has different goals and different ways to achieve them. Not all thin people are that way naturally. I am still counting calories and trying to find out how to maintain my weight loss without going crazy.

At least my boyfriend tells me I look great. I almost wish I was single and back in college so I could see what reaction I got from strangers at the bar or something, know what I mean?

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 4:37 PM

You know what, even if you are NOT single, when you go out and you feel good and act confident, you will notice that some people will notice! :-)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 6:58 PM

Hey thanks!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 7:59 PM

The thing that bothers me is that now that i am thinner people seem to assume i was born this way, so i get the "you just don't understand" type comments. i don't feel like explaining myself so i let it go. Oh, and the "must be nice to be able to eat what you want and stay thing" comments when i eat out. finally my fiance said, you how healthy she eats monday - friday! But assumptions just annoy the heck out of me anyway :)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 11:57 PM

I have to defend the thin people who feel like they need to loose weight (or are scared of gaining). I am 5'5" and weigh 120 pounds. Not over or underweight. I am terrified of gaining weight. I have weighed 155 and am so proud of myself for loosing this weight (and keeping it off for 4 years, even through pregnancy - of course I got huge while pregnant but lost it all).

Body image often has nothing to do with how thin or fat you are. It's how YOU view yourself. I feel fat somedays because I have a poor body image. So, when I say I am worried about gaining weight or whatever, I mean it. Don't take offense if you feel that you are overweight and feel that you should loose weight.

Again, it IS all relative and very illogical. A low number on the scale does not make everyone happy about themselves.

Thursday, March 30, 2006, 2:02 PM

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