Exhausted and depressed

I am thirty five, a single mom of two, and was recently diagnosed with chronic fatigue virus. I am exhausted. The doctor told me there was no medication and there was just vitamins to take (b complete). I am too tired to exercise all the time. I eat like crap, but I eat like crap because I feel like there is nobody that loves me anyway, so f$%k it, you know? I am smart and I know I am just sitting here watching life go by, but I can't seem to get the motivation to make the changes. I can picture exactly what I want to look like. I just cant get there! I don't know what is wrong with me. Seriously.

If feel fat, embarrased of my weight, and very unattractive. I am educated, smart, and have a good job. I know fat people do find love, but not many normal weight guys that are educated and successful in business (the kind of guys I am attracted to) want a woman who is fat. I know there are those few there somewhere, but lets be honest, the masses don't want fat women. I hate those threads that say "lots of guys love a bigger woman, as long as she has confidence" Thats bs I think. Most guys want pretty women and average to thin sized women along with the good personality traits. I want to feel pretty and attractive. I want to find someone who loves me someday and wants to hang out with me. I know I am a worthwhile person, but people can't generally see anything but the fat so there is just not much chance.

I need motivation somwehere, somehow... Any feedback or suggestions are appreciated.

Mon. Jun 29, 9:45pm

I don't think you're going to find the love of your life until you start loving yourself!

I do believe that self-confidence means everything, no matter how heavy you are. I met my husband when I was at my heaviest weight ever. I've asked him why he was even attracted to me and he said he loved my looks and my personality, even if I was overweight.

Exercise and healthy eating will give you more energy, but don't try to do it all at once. Make little baby steps towards health, and you'll start feeling better little by little and won't feel overwhelmed.

Just tell yourself - Life is too short to be in such a funk!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 9:04 AM

I also have battled CFS, for many years now. I also was a single mom (of 3, not 2) I also have an ongoing battle with my weight. So I can see where you are.

I have to say, though, that I think you are not being fair to your children. You say that "there is nobady who loves me" Well, your children love you, and need you. Do you have friends? They love you. All this focus on finding a guy means that you are ignoring the blessings you do have. Your children need you to be well and healthy. They need you to show them how to live, and that means feeding yourself well, making yourself take a walk when you want to stay in bed, taking an interest in things other than your lack of a lovelife. If you don't show them this, how will they learn it?

It is true, that you are two exhausted to exercise all the time. Where exercise will energize normal people, it drains us. You must make yourself do gentle exercise, though. Taking a walk in the fresh air is the best thing you can do for yourself, and your kids can join you. Great time to talk about stuff.

Seek out laughter, wherever you can find it. If you like funny movies, start watching them, and laugh at all the funny parts, even if you only think a smile is warranted. Your body and mood do not differentiate between laughter on purpose, and spontaneous laughter, so laugh on purpose. It will help.

Eat for longterm health. Eating a beet won't give you the immediate energy of a candy bar, that is true. But a beet will be helping you the next day, and that candy bar will be destroying you. Show yourself you are worthy of love by how you treat yourself. If you despise yourself, others will despise you, and why not? Any man who wants you when you despise yourself will only treat you badly, and probably treat your children badly, because he will take his cues from you. You are showing everyone, how you want to be treated. You are showing your children that it is normal to hate themselves.

I do understand, I have been fighting this fight. Finding some guy right now won't fix this. Love your children, love yourself, Laugh on purpose and soon you will laugh just because.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 10:38 AM

By the way, there are a lot of women who are NOT fat who are looking for love. Let's face it, being thin will not solve all your problems. Being healthy and feeling good about yourself will take you in the right direction.And I agree with the PP. Someone does love you - your kids, your friends, your family. The love you seem to be missing may actually be the love for yourself.

Do it for you. Do it for your kids.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 5:01 PM

It sounds like you're in a vicious cycle of eating crap because you think your life is crap, and both of those things make you feel like crap, so then you eat more crap.

Agree with the other posters. Shelve this idea that men won't find you attractive because of your current weight. More likely, they'll be turned off by the negative script you've got going on in that head and the vibes you put out. The confidence thing is not b.s.. I have a friend who is easily 40 pounds overweight - she dates more than anyone I know. Men LOVE her. She thinks she's hot sh*t, as a result, so does every one else!

More importantly, though, as the other posters said, as well. It all starts with you. Take care of yourself, love yourself, do it for yourself. A nice benefit to that is that people are drawn to others who are confident and happy.

You don't have to exercise all the time to reap the benefits of physical activity. You don't have to eat 100% clean to reap the benefits of changing up what you eat.

Sounds like food is your coping mechanism right now. Make food work FOR you, not against you. Get the ball rolling with small steps and bigger steps will follow.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009, 6:50 PM

Hi there, sorry to hear you are so sad. I have severe adrenal fatigue, and will never recover from it. I have made so much progress (physically) by sticking to GENTLE exercise. If I over-do it, I'm blown away physically for 5 days. Yes, its a drag but its also another chance to love myself unconditionally and to forgive myself for not being the perfect beautiful athlete I once was.

Good luck and remember.... baby steps add up!! check out flylady.com to make more time in your schedule for exercise. Or pick one easy exercise dvd you really do like and stick to it!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 9:08 PM

Eating Clean

I know how you feel or very close to it. I was there. BUT I have escaped from it. I still don't have the energy level I dream of but I have found my way out of the depression you describe and just that absolute physical/mental/emotional pit that had me at times in tears desperate because I didn't know what was wrong with me!

What made the difference was I started to eat clean. No more junk food, no more processed foods. Vegetables, fruits, whole grains (and boxes of processed foods with a 'whole grain' label on in did not count!) and lean proteins. Lots of olive oil and a variety of spices to liven things up. At first I did this without even any focus on calorie restrictions. I would eat what I wanted - but only 'whole foods'. Eventually I found it easier to eat less. I also didn't bother with exercise - initially. After the first couple months when I began feeling a bit better I was able to start incorporating it and got better with it as time went by. In the end I dropped down to, for the first time in my life, thinness!

Note - this was not an overnight process. And the weight loss part took nearly a year. As far as the energy and improved mood I experienced as another poster mentions, its not like a candy bar which give you temporary warm fuzzy feelings followed by a crash. But after doing this for a couple weeks, I did start to feel 'less crappy'. And now I'm at the point that if I slip up and do eat too much junk food the impact on my mood and energy when that crash comes is extremely obvious.

I still don't have the energy of others out there. I still experience more fatigue than is ideal BUT I am WORLDS better than I was and I am so grateful for that. There are a number of books/diets that focus on clean eating. Here's a few I've read:
- SuperFoods Rx, Steven Pratt
- In Defense of Food, Michael Pollan (The Omnivore's Dilemma is excellent as well)
- The South Beach Diet (caveat - the processed foods that sports this diet's name DO NOT COUNT as eating clean)
- The Eat Clean Diet, Tosca Reno (Tosca is pretty serious about exercise but her eating guidelines are also dead on. And if you see her before and afters, the transformation is inspiring!)

As you can tell, I'm VERY passionate about this. I believe that learning to eat the proper foods - REAL foods - has made all the difference in my life!

-K.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 10:44 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis; I know that's a blow in itself. I've struggled with fibromyalgia for over 20 years (this is the related condition of cfs, many think it's the same disease).

There's a lot more you can do besides take B Vitamins and recently I've made some progress; much of which I attribute to supplements. Please go do endfatigue.com and do some reading and get Dr. Jacob Teitelbaum's book From Fatigued to Fantastic(He is also recommended by Dr Oz from Oprah). He recommends a huge array of supplements but the ones I've had the best results from are increasing my vitamin D3 (to 2000 units) taking high quality Omega 3 fish oil (for a total of 2 grams a day of Omega 3s, this is what Dr Oz recommends). Of course I take a good multivitamin every day. Do lots of reading, find a doctor who is specialist and don't give up!

Thursday, July 2, 2009, 4:28 AM

All of the comments above are great, and I just want to add that you are not "just sitting here watching life go by". You went to the doctor to address your legitimate concern. You have a legitimate problem and you are addressing it. That's major! Some people with depression can't even get out of bed, and you are motivating yourself to get medical help and even to get advice here at Peertrainer. You've already got the will to succeed in spite of significant obstacles.

Good luck and please stop back let us know how you're doing in the future.

Thursday, July 2, 2009, 9:45 AM

9:45 - great point! Sometimes people minimize their efforts and all the good, and they overstate the negative and/orwhat they perceive they're NOT doing. Focusing on all the positives - big and small - is a way to start changing how something thinks about themselves :)

Thursday, July 2, 2009, 11:50 AM

New PEERtrainer article on Energy- click on the link to check it out!

Link

Friday, September 18, 2009, 4:47 PM

the first part of this program focuses on energy:

Link

Monday, November 9, 2009, 4:44 PM

sleep and rest

I have had Epstein -Barr virus and CFS for many years. If you are overweight, you may have sleep apnea. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Even if you think you are sleeping 8 hours, you may not be. My doctor gave me good advice when he said if you need a nap, take one. I don't know how old you or your children are, but if you can lie down for an hour after work, do so. It will help a lot. My doctor gave me injections of B-12 and Vit C. They also help a lot. Stay away from sugar--it is not your friend!
The more you take care of your self the better you can live with this illness.

Monday, November 9, 2009, 8:25 PM

Chronic Fatigue and diet

OK, great advice on changing food habits, suppli
ments . I would add.. Have your Vit. D level checked.. Read Dr. Marcos articles on the Internet on what hejaz to say. I do not hurt as much after doing prescribed by MD suple

ments. also, I went on Adkins diet, lost weight .. Not a sustainable diet.. BUT got me started.. And lo and behold.. I eat lots less bread, pAsta, potatoes... so
me days. none. Or very high grains. I stopped a bowl of icecream with chocolate syrup every night. My energy level vastly.. Vastly Improved.. Why didn't my doc tell
me?? Lots do not know about nutrition!! Oh yes, I have Fibromyalgia,, with fatigue. So , you WILL learn to. love food that supports good health.. Just sratr now. PS . Might consider testing for sleep apnea.. Bit source of fatigue!! I use a machine.. Another big hOp up for my energy level!! Good luck Nd keep us posted, OK?

Thursday, November 12, 2009, 11:01 AM

A BIG HELP......

Hello, hey, I am reading a book called "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst, it is a GREAT book!!!! It will tell you WHY you are doing this to yourself, and HOW to STOP it!!!! It is not all that long of a book either. You can get it on Amazon, you will NOT be disappointed. Have a good week,
Steph

Sunday, January 23, 2011, 11:48 PM

This new PEERtrainer article discusses some adjustments you can make to help you feel less tired. It works!

How To Stop Feeling Tired

-PEERtrainer

Friday, September 2, 2011, 1:27 PM

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