lonely

i live by myself going to school. im so lonely right now. usually my bf stays with me on sunday nights but because of the weather he had to go. usually i have a good hour or two of homwork/studying a night, but even though im busy i get so deprssed here. i just got back from spring break at my parents house and right now its even worse. i am considering going back on anit -drespressant ( i was on them last year for about 6 months, they really helped me out) any advice from anyone? this isn't a one ngiht thing, this is a everyday thing

Sun. Mar 12, 8:35pm

Go back on the meds! Life is too short not to enjoy each moment! And the PT ppl are here all the time, you are never alone =D

Sunday, March 12, 2006, 9:13 PM

Hi there. If antidepressants helped you before, they will help you again. Everybody feels lonely sometimes and feeling depressed isn't your fault. I'm on Celexa for my depression, and although I feel lonely, too, I can handle it better.

Sometimes just going to the grocery store and interacting with the cashier helps, or calling a friend on the phone. Tonight will be over and in the morning you'll be around your school friends!

Sunday, March 12, 2006, 10:02 PM

You're never alone! There's always someone on here :)

Bradway

P.S. I can be found as ahendrix724 on window's messenger if you ever really need someone to talk to.

Sunday, March 12, 2006, 10:23 PM

Have you tried getting yourself a small "full-spectrum" light? or maybe even some full-spectrum light bulbs?

If your place is too dark, it can sometimes give you the "Seasonal Affective Disorder" (SAD)... and maybe the extra light will help your depression a bit.

Also, have you tried joining a social group? Maybe find a hobby or see if there are any student or young professional groups that you can do things with. That may help to ease the loneliness a bit?

Exercise and fresh air can also help lift the spirits-- If you are spending most of your days inside a dark room or house, the extra stimulation of daylight (even if it is gray outside) should help lift the spirits a bit...

And, on the days you feel really blah, make sure to put on your favorite outfit (i.e. one that makes you feel good when wearing it--and also one that makes you LOOK good), add a little make-up, etc. and "fix yourself up" as though you were going out on the town or something.... You'll be surprised at how much better you feel,when the face and body looking back at you from the mirror is one that is positive and radiant.... (And, yes, even the act of Smiling is supposed to help!! - get your favorite funny movie and give yourself a good belly laugh.. it will help to lift your spirits!)

Do you have a therapist that you can talk to? If the meds worked in the past, that may be helpful, but maybe trying some non-medication remedies can also help to lift your spirits....I'm personally a big believer in trying to not medicate yourself unless absolutely necessary... :-)

Monday, March 13, 2006, 10:15 AM

last poster here again...

I forgot to mention that my last year of college, I also felt very lonely-- I lived way far away from campus, didn't have a roommate (the person who was supposed to live with me bailed at the last moment).

I lived in an apartment where there weren't any students and I didn't know anyone there. My boyfriend would come up on the weekends, and during the week, I would spend many hours on the phone begging him to come and visit me because I was so lonely.... Most of my friends had graduated the year before, but I had come back to school to finish another degree, so the people who were my support (my best friends, my boyfriend, etc.) were no longer accessible to me...

I ended up coping by staying up on campus more-- trying to get involved with some other student activities, and I tried to basically only go to my apartment to sleep and eat... Otherwise, I would have been extremely depressed and lonely, since I didn't know anyone, and didn't have friends nearby any more...

Many times, I'd ride my bike to campus and stay at the studios (I was an art major) until the wee hours of the morning-- just to avoid going back to an empty apartment....

At one point, I had a really bad flu-- to the point where I nearly passed out when standing up... I was terrified--thought I might die and no one would notice until my body started to smell.... I was terribly lonely!!

Looking back, I think if I had not made the effort to be on campus so much during that time, I would have suffered from major depression as well!! Biking really did help to rev up my energy (I was about 2-3 miles from campus) and got me out into the fresh air.... I'm actually glad that when I was in school the internet was pretty new-- otherwised, I might have gotten online too much and that could add to the depression because of lack of physical exercise and daylight.

Monday, March 13, 2006, 10:22 AM

I don't really have any advice for you because i am going through the same thing right now. I hate to hear how lonely and depressed you feel because I know how it feels. I have never really been alone in my life, lived with my parents, went to college and had roomates, and then got married and always had my husband there. Now we recently got divorced and I am by myself for the first time in my life. I always hear how people say they love living alone but I am the opposite, I like having someone there. The more lonely I feel the worse the depression gets. I just sit at home and feel sorry for myself and usually end up crying. I am to the point now where I think I need medication or some therapy maybe. That is why I joined this site so I can try to stay motivated enough to workout more hoping that would help. It has helped alot but my depression is always worse at night. During the day I am fine and then by nightime I am upset and lonely. I recently had a good friend tell me to toughin up when I explained how I feel. I guess that really hurt because I am having a hard time right now and she blows it off like its not a big deal, whichs makes me feel worse.
Just know that you are not alone in feeling this way. I know its weird but it makes me feel alittle better knowing that I am not the only one who feels like this. We will some how get through it, but it might take alittle time. Maybe some therapy or medication would help you get over the hump and start to feel better. You have to try something (me too) to feel better because just like the post above said-"life is to short not to enjoy it". And that is so true!!

Monday, March 13, 2006, 12:48 PM

I know what you are going through. My mom used to tell me the antidepressants are a way of dealing with the situation... for example there is a difference between sitting on the floor and falling through the cracks. If the meds help maybe you should try them out for a little while.

Have you ever tried herbal meds? I have tride ST. Johns Wart and a few other flower herbals... they worked for me.

Monday, March 13, 2006, 12:58 PM

thanks

i do need to get out, go to campus, do something for myself. thanks for all your comments

Monday, March 13, 2006, 1:30 PM

you're not alone

I used to take antidepressants, and yes, if you really feel you need it..then take them! There is nothing wrong with taking something to help you through the hard times.

Right now, I need to study..I'm an adult student and I feel lonely. I think sometimes when you are left alone with your thoughts and need to get work done, it can feel lonely or you might not have the confidence to deal with what you need to get done. Hang in there. Remember it will pass....and yes, you can always talk to someone.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006, 9:49 PM

getting sick when alone

to the poster a few posts up who thought they'd die and not be found till the smell...! LOL/COL -- I know exactly that feeling. Being sick alone is the WORST. I always figured my cats would eat me, the ultimate single cat lady humiliation!
Second worst moment being alone -- making a huge mess and having to clean it up all by yourself without any help or anyone to laugh about it. My low point was in my little studio a few years ago, I dropped a bowl of (7 whole grain) oatmeal and it somehow bounced so that there was oatmeal on EVERYTHING -- the ceiling, the other rooms, it was just unbelievable... I sat down and just cried (whereas I should have laughed!)
So I've been there. Things are a lot better now. If it helps (I know, it won't) -- the married people with kids envy you. Hard to believe but true. You have total freedom, you can explore whatever aspect of life or your personality you want, you have lots of time. A friend with kids says she misses most being able to just have a bowl of cereal for dinner. Someday you will be with people (spouse, kids, etc.) so much you will feel smothered -- try to live your life now in the way you would be envious of later.
And, for the unattached people out there -- not that men are the answer to everything (we know that's not true!) but when I got sick of being lonely, I got up the gumption to try match.com, and met someone great. Don't be afraid to take risks, they are worth it.

Thursday, March 16, 2006, 2:00 AM

To the last poster:

That was me (posting about being sick and dying).

The thing that capped that day off was that a high school classmate happened to be the driver for the University's clinic...(I was too sick to bring myself to the clinic.)

Talk about having a "Bad hair day"-- I was having a "bad everything" day that day!!! I was feeling sick & gross and ugly, no make-up, just wearing sweats and then someone from my high school came to get me (someone that i didn't particularly care for!) That just made everything worse... LOL

I'm glad you found someone on match.com

One of my friends complains about being lonely, not dating, etc., but she also is quite a home-body... she hasn't tried to get out and meet people! I keep encouraging her, because I know she looks at my hubby and me and sees that it is nice to have someone in your life...I know it's difficult to get out and meet people if you are shy or self-conscious about your looks... but I keep trying to encourage her to step out of her comfort zone...

The thing is that many times people who are lonely also tend to be shy and quiet... I used to be that way, until I FORCED myself to talk to people I didn't know... I tried to not see them as being judgemental about me, so I tried to bring myself to talk to them and be friendly... Eventually, that all paid off, because it got to be more "normal" for me to be outgoing and friendly, vs. shy and quiet... Just like everything else, it takes practice. (Now, some of my friends wish I'd shut up! LOL)

Thursday, March 16, 2006, 11:33 AM

If I lived alone, I'd:

Go to the gym for 3 hours every day.
Meditate.
Go to a local bar and meet some people.
Watch cooking shows and martha stewart ALL DAY!
Paint my kitchen RED.
Go see a band at a local concert venue.
Dance naked in my kitchen.
Flirt with the cute neighbor.
Take my dog on long walks.
Meet up with different friends every night.
Have a game night every week.
Join a running club, a biking club, a cooking club, a book club or any other club I could think of.
Take a backpacking trip through Italy.
Learn to climb a mountain.
Read all the classic novels.
Get all my Christmas cards done early.
Write letters to all my family and friends.
Have the most beautiful garden on the block.

Live life like a blessing, not like a disease!!! The people in my life who keep me from being lonely also make it impossible to do some of the things that I would like to do. So you, lonely, sad people, go do them for me. Please???

I had patches of loneliness & depression, had no sense of direction, and I just sat in it and did nothing, which made it worse. When I got off my ass and did something, anything, it threw my whole life into new perspective. Now I have so many things I want to do, that there's just not enough time in the day.

Read some dale carnegie books and get out there. Life's to short to wallow in misery!

Thursday, March 16, 2006, 12:25 PM

I'm not one to say go back to meds. Try some more natural alternatives. For one you need to be on a good dietary supplement vitamin. I don't mean Centrum either. There's a wonderful company that I order from called Melaleuca. Their vitamins are awesome!! I've been taking them for a little over a year and can definately tell a difference. Also, get involed in a group or volunteer for an animal shelter- animals are very healing. Get up, get out, just BREATH. Good luck!

Friday, March 17, 2006, 2:22 PM

To the thursday 12:25pm poster - I think you seem to confuse loneliness with boredom or an excess of free time. That has nothing to do with it.
You sound so much like the "smug marrieds" I know who just assume that if you are single your life is not likely to be half as busy as if you're married/living with someone.

Here's something to ponder: people who are lonely are also often working extremely hard and being extremely productive. It is often their demanding jobs, often involving extensive traveling and long workdays, that reduce their opportunities to meet people and form deeper connections.

Your list of things sounds to me like things you would do if you were a housewife or a stay-at-home-mum.

Friday, March 17, 2006, 2:47 PM

i agree to that. im lonely because im so busy with school i dont have time for much else. and until im done with school and actually have a job i can't afford to stuff like on that list.

Friday, March 17, 2006, 3:38 PM

That's an excuse. I know several single mom's who are working, raising their kids, and going to school. They don't have time for anything else. School is not so all consuming that you can't find time to join a club or an activity or take some action toward not being lonely anymore. Plus most colleges have counseling services available to full time students. Seek out help! Get the meds if you need it! But stop living on excuses.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 9:35 AM

to the 2:47 poster

Oh My Gosh! You think that stay at home moms/housewives have time to do that list??? I WISH!!!!!! Come live in my world. I have NO idea who has time to do that kind of list. A really rich person with no kids and no job?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006, 9:58 PM

Inspiring

Thanks for feedback. Over the last year, I have become a homebody and lost out on one of the best ages to live.....25. I've gained about 30 pounds and have really lost my motivation to enjoy life. As of tomorrow.....I will not lay in the bed until late in the afternoon(actually, I get up early....eat....then go back to bed while reading a book). My job gives me a chance to travel alot, but at the same time I have slow times when I home for weeks. I've had a hard time adjusting and adding new things to my life. Thanks again for inspiring me......to enjoy life now....;)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006, 12:32 AM

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