What does it feel like to be fat?

I was just thinking about what it feels like to be fat. First off, what do I mean by "fat"? For me, when I say fat, I mean that when I started on PT, my BMI was over 35 - which is defined as obese and which has a serious associated health risk. I was thinking back to when I started my journey on PT towards not being fat. I realized that it certainly wasn't the health risks that pushed me forward, nor any crazy fantasy that I would look like a skinny tv star.

I think what really got to me motivated this time to try to figure out permanent lifestyle changes was just how much I felt that my physical self undermined my personal and professional interactions. Even though I am smart and competent in what I do, I felt that my very fat self somehow announced to the world: "well, here is one thing you can be sure she is not very good at." It's a problem you just can't hide. After all, if I were a cleptomaniac or an alcoholic, you probably wouldn't be able to figure that out the first time you met me and may not be reminded of it every time you saw me, but the fact that I am fat - well, you really can't miss it no matter how brief our interaction.

In addition to feeling like my body can undermine me with others, I have also felt and continue to feel like my fat body is just not me. It's alienating to have this fat body that just does not feel like it belongs to one's personality or true self.

So . . . those are just a few thoughts I have been having about what it feels like for me to be fat. I'd be completely interested in what other people have to say on this topic.

Mon. Sep 25, 12:33am

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