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Sarcasm and Cynicism in Threads

I understand if someone precedes their thread with something to indicate they are just hashing an idea out or its funny, or possibly offensive, but PLEASE save the ridiculous responses and inappropriate sarcasm for your own blog where negativity is viewed as some kind of motivator.

Hey, for some people it works, but for me negativity is just plain negative!

Tue. Feb 28, 4:27pm

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Do you have an example? I haven't seen this in a while here.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 4:30 PM

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People around here really need to grow some thicker skin. I get infinitely more nauseated by the whiners than those who speak their mind and don't coddle everyone. Perhaps if people want to be coddled they should recieve that from their group, and not the lounge?

Or maybe they should create a lounge for those who can neither accept criticisms or challenges....

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 4:41 PM

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well put.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 4:43 PM

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As an active reader, not so much a poster, and very thick skinned I have noticed some really snarky comments. Like, wtf? You can tell when people are vulnerable and when it is ok to be cynical.

I don't think coddling is so much the issue as holding you tongue when you should. I sometimes want to virtually shake people based on the posts I read. But, i think better of responding to someone who obviously won't be satisfied with whatever you say.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 4:46 PM

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Was the post at 4:41 supposed to be an illustration of the point the OP was making, or a response to it? That person sounds downright rude and I would not want to turn to them for support. Support does not have to be coddling or offensive.Constructive critisism is neither.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 4:48 PM

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Here here! I'm the OP and that is exactly what I meant.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 4:52 PM

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I think the 4:41 poster totally has a legit point. Honesty is something I appreciate and I don't feel like I get enough of; maybe I wouldn't turn to them to hear, hey sweetie, it's ok that you ate 20 cookies, you'll do better tomorrow. I would turn to them and most likely here, hey, get back on the horse, which works much better for me.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 4:58 PM

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the 4:41 poster is very nauseated at the whiners. It may be what the OP cannot deal with, but that's fine. This thread was not about support, it was a whine. It i one of many that keep returning and dies until someone else feels hurt or bothered by the bluntness of a person.

Constructive criticism is rare here, and often rejected because few can deal with it it seems. wtf is certainly not appropriate, but one should not expect everyone here to support their approach. We have a right to disagree and express that. You want support, go to your group. Need more support? Join another group.

As the saying goes, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 5:04 PM

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I don't think the OP was complaining about posters who don't say "Its OK sweetie that you ate 20 cookies" but we can help someone turn their behavior around without being rude, sarcastic, and snide. I for one want people to be somewhat harsh on me if I screw up, I definitely do not want to be coddled, but nobody is helped by a nasty tone. There is a happy medium folks, let's work within that happy medium to provide CONSTRUCTIVE critiism.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 5:08 PM

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So the groups are for support but the community lounge is NOT? I don't understand your logic. The entire PT forum is for helpful tips and support, not trolls.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 5:11 PM

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I believe the post was referring to the whining. I must say that it starts to get under my skin as well. I don't see anything "troll" like about the post.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 5:14 PM

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What is a troll? I thought they were ugly little creatures with long hair and pointy ears? (I'm not being sarcastic, I'd really like to know what this word means in this context.)

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 5:37 PM

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As the saying goes, if you don't have anything nice to say.... and nice not meaning whiny or coddling. nice meaning constructive and as the OP, I'm talking about appropriate responses vs. inappropriate. FOR EXAMPLE, reading into what the person is asking for. If they are admitting "Help! I just ate 20 cookies!" Then, hello, no the right response is not coddling "it's ok you should hug yourself now".

It's constructive. Hey, so what 20 cookies today should motivate you for 20 mins tomorrow on the bike!


"I think you should look deeper, stop eating 20 cookies because you can't eat your feelings".

I don't think we need anymore clarification. No one is talking about coddling. Constructive criticism does not have to be cushy but it shouldn't be hurtful. Thick skin or thin, sensitive or not... you can't provide pillows in life for people but you shouldn't be handing out bricks either.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 6:17 PM

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It's can't eat your feelings.....the responses you provide as examples come from different points of view. I don't think either one is inappropriate.

I find it helpful to have different opinions. The internet is a very hard place to meet up with strangers.....we are all very different and have different circumstances, experiences and sometimes come from different cultures.

I appreciate the diversity and if a comment bothers me then I move on and don't take it personally. After all, the comments here in the lounge are anonymous. The person responding knows nothing more than what I have posted about myself.

Don't sweat the small stuff in life. There are more important things to worry about then anonymous comments on an internet bulletin board. The site wouldn't be nearly as helpful if people could only express positive and nice responses.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 7:46 PM

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OP, well put.

To the person asking what a troll is, its a term for someone who comments on forums just to be negative and disruptive, basically for sport b/c they don't have anything better to do with their time or energy so the lash out at others and pick them apart. There are a lot of trolls on wedding planning forums, fortunately there are not many here.

I've provided a link to the dictionary definition of Internet Troll from


Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 7:46 PM

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To the poster who posted at 7:46PM, I TOTALLY AGREE. The site wouldn't be nearly as helpful.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 7:52 PM

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I've been pretty surprised off and on at the negative responses I see here ... and then I realized , this is a real community and some people are not nice, some people have no tact, some people just blurt things out wtihout thinking ... but a lot of people are caring and compassionate and trying to help others, so that's why we are doing this. Our groups allow us (some) control over who we interact with ... but with an open forum like the community, you've got to be prepared for anything. Peertrainer staff seem to swoop in delete posts that are really negative ... I had one disappear while I was collecting my thoughts about how to respond ..

(p.s. really glad to have learned the cyber definition of troll - have you seen that add for earthlink when the troll climbs out of the manhole?)

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 9:09 PM

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Sadly if nasty tone worked we all would not be here working on losing weight. We get enough nasty remarks, coments and outright meanspirited encounters with the world each day because of our overweight. People offer their opinion and/or judgement when I do not even ask for it. Thanks but no thanks. I live in this body and face the reality of it each day. No wine here just stating a fact. For those who take this nasty tone I do not continue to read what you have posted. I wish you well but I do not waste my time and go on. I do spend the extra time reading those who post helpful coments. Perhaps that is why I've lost 33# so far. Thanks to all who have helped me get to this point!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 9:14 PM

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That's the right attitude! congratualtions on your progress -- that's awesome!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006, 9:24 PM

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