opinions and advice would be GREATLY appreciated

Ok, so this is kinda complicated and long. Or maybe I'm just reading into it too much and over reacting. Who knows. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and lived together for almost a year. We met online. Up until about 6 months ago, we had sex all the time. Just like it was a new relationship. Then all of a sudden, I didn't want it very often anymore. Didn't have anything to do with him at all. I just didn't feel like being intimate for some strange reason. Up until recently, he's almost always been the one to initiate the sex when we did have it all the time. I don't have a very good self image (never have) so I'm always afraid of initiating sex and then being turned down because he's tired or just not in the mood or whatever it may be. Yesterday I decided to shock him a bit. I sent him a somewhat provocative picture of myself hoping it would get him "in the mood". It didn't work. So later on, I tried something else and it worked. But then this morning we were talking about it and I asked him if he enjoyed it. He said yes, but he didn't want it as much as I did. That made me feel kinda bad because it made me feel like he just did it to make me happy and to shut me up about it.

Also, a few weeks ago, he decided to take a temporary position change working nights for 2 weeks. It was better pay and we need the money for vacation in September. Work got slow the last few nights and he took the laptop to work with him because he gets bored very easily. The next day when I was online I noticed he has been looking at dirty videos on youtube. I questioned him about it. He said he didn't know what I was talking about. Then, later that day after I got home, I found more videos. Questioned him again. He said he got bored at work and that it had nothing to do with me. The idea that he even watched those videos kills me because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him anymore. He apologized for it and it hasnt been mentioned since. but, in my heart, I can't seem to let it go. I'm paranoid now, so I'm constantly checking the computer to see if he's been up to anything when I'm not home.

Also, (sorry for being so long winded), little things have changed in our relationship. He always used to be really cuddly and always touching me or holding my hand when he drove and always called me cute names and stuff like that. He kinda died down on that a while back. He still does it once in a while, but not as much. And it kinda scares me.

Also, yessterday wa sour 3 year anniversary. I'm a writer, so I decided to write him song lyrics and I sent it to him in a private message on facebook instead of the traditional card. When he realized he has a new message, I told him it was from me. He asked if it was good or bad (I have depression and it flared up yesterday so I think he was thinking I wanted to leave him which I would NEVER want to do). I said "it's a good thing. I'm not leaving you if that's what you're worried about..unless you want me to leave." His response was "that's up to you". He always says that. Does that mean he doesn't really care if I stick around and that he doesn't care if I leave? Or is he just bing a guy and I'm reading too much into things?

I'm just so worried that he's not into me anymore. Any help/advice would be GREATLY appreciated. He means the world to me.

Wed. Apr 8, 10:44am

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