OT: Still not over him?

I am still friends with an ex-boyfriend from about 3 years ago. We dated for a little less than 3 years and he decided to go to a college 10 hours away. He wanted to have a long distance relationship until we grew apart. I wanted him to stay a year and us to move together, but he said that he couldn't see himself married to me. Long story short, we broke up. He has had four girlfriends since with nothing longterm. I dated a few people and then met my boyfriend who I've been with for about two and a half years. I love my boyfriend. But I've never loved anyone like I did my ex. None of the emotions are as strong. That really bothers me, and makes me wonder if I'm missing out on something.

Usually this is something that comes up in my mind occassionaly. I'm thinking of it now because he e-mailed me last week to say that he'll be out of contact for the next few months because he will be in a remote area and wont have access to phones or e-mail. We only talk about once a month anyway, but for no apparent reason this news brought on a dream about him. Maybe this is TMI, but it was a very detailed sex dream. I woke up feeling guilty as if I'd actually cheated on my boyfriend. Ever since then I can't get this out of my head, not just the sex part, but every aspect of how I felt about my ex when we were together. If life was a romance movie we'd be the couple who broke up and ended up realizing the error of our ways and living happily every after. However, I'm old enough to know life isn't like that. And being realistic I know that we've both changed over the years and don't even know eachother that well anymore. Over the years there have been a few instances where it seemed that he has similar thoughts although his timing and my timing have never matched.

I guess none of that matters as he is moving to another state and I am in a relationship. Realistically I know our lives have completely different paths. I don't even know if he really does feel the same way, and I would never be able to ask because I'd rather not know than lose the friendship we have. But why do I keep feeling this way? Will I ever be completely over this guy? Am I cheating myself in my current relationship? Was what I felt before just the excitement of first love and young age? My best friend thinks that I am just silly to be stuck on this. Has anyone ever felt this way?

Wed. Jun 21, 11:38pm

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