Desperate, tired, frustrated, depressed, angry, sad and hopeless...

I am desperate, tired, frustrated, depressed, angry, sad, and hopeless. These are the first feelings that come to mind in 2 seconds. I have tried every diet the world has to offer i would imagine from counting points to bodybuilding food and everything in between. I wasnt this hard before but I dont know what happened. I am not 18 anymore but still it is no excuse! I know people 80 years old who are more fit then me. I am tired of making up excuses... And i am tired of beeing tired all the time. No vitamin pills are helping and when i am tired, i dont want to do sports...just eat sweets.....oh god, what happened?!

One big reason for my frustration is, my husband is a athletic man and he works out every day from 1 to 3 times. Of course because of this, he can eat whatever he wants. And of course he loves to sit on the couch and eat chocolate, icecream and other sweets. He is a firefighter so he has lots of free time. I work 5 days a week for 9 hours as a hair dresser so my free time for excerice is limited. I get motivated 2 times a month. 1 week i work out like crazy, then comes the weekend, we go out and party on saturday, sunday is in bed with a huge hangover that carries on to monday. So the week starts with no energy and no exersice. Usually thet week i work out about 1 time. The next week i beat myself up for the last week and work out like crazy again and then have a nice day out on saturday again to celebrate my great work for the week. So as you can see i think i am in a bad cycle i have to get out of.

I have no moderation for anything. Its always everything or nothing. extreme.... i try to be more moderate and try to do things slowly but then i get bored and my motivation ends.

I have been trying to lose weight now for 3 years and i reached a peak of 70kilos. i am 164cm tall and 30 years old, a female. i know i am not very badly over weight but the doctor told me i have a chance of diabetes if i dont stop eating and gaining weight. i stress of my weight everyday and i feel so depressed i dont know what to do. I love going to gym, i have been doing it for 12 years now. i dont run. i love dancing but i moved to another country so i havent had the time to find a hobby with this. maybe saaturday night clubbing and drinking less could be an answetr ;) I now i feel better when i lose weight and when i weighed 56 i felt really good about myselff!! I could dress up and look good, go to the beach, what i absolutely love! my dream is to play beach volley with my husband on the beach with friends in my bikinis without haveing a fat stoumach that goes up and down and side to side... i am ashamed of my self... especially next to my husband who has a perfect six pack. he loves me as i am, and he has never said anything bad about my body. he is happy if i lose weight but loves me with the fat also. but he still always buys me sweets too... i dont know why. i think he just doesnt think about it. he also forgets i want to lose weight and because he has will power to say no, he thinks i do to. he is always telling me i have to try to learn to stick to the things i decide. but i cant!!!!!! i would if i could but i dont understand why i cant! my hand puts food in my mouth before my brain understands it.......

i really hope someone has some tips on what to do...

Sat. Jun 4, 1:00pm

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