Sharing the talking to I gave myself, and I hope it sticks....

(Copied from my log tonight- hoping it helps someone else, and also a way for me to "out" myself):

"OMG I totally attacked my BF, just to make myself feel better. It was easier if I totally baselessly accused him of being mean when he wasn't, than face my disappointment in myself. What is wrong with me?? Who is this horrible person I keep reverting back to, just when I think I've grown and changed?? I can give it all the cute names I want and make all the excuses I want, but HOW am I going to be the successful person I want to be when I overeat for some underlying reason and then lash out at the person I love most? WHEN am I going to learn? When am I really going to grow?? What is this crap I tell myself about doing it wih time, taking time, making small changes over time, I DON'T HAVE TIME! Am I willing to tell myself when I'm 50, that I just couldn't get it together when I was in my 20's, so I wasted my youth, and wasted my time obsessing about something so basic as the food I put in my mouth?? How much time have I WASTED craving, buying and agonizing over stupid food, only to waste MORE time lashing out at someone around me? Since when am made of such weak stuff that I can't deal with myself? AND HOW MUCH TIME HAVE I WASTED CRITICIZING SOMEONE ELSE'S FLAWS JUST TO MASK MY OWN? When am I going to shed this hyper-critical person? Why do I make a little progress and think that gives me some ridiculous moral superiority over someone else? So what I lost weight, so what I organized my bedroom! That's EXPECTED, dammit, you DO NOT get a gold star!"

...don't want to admit it, but, here goes nothing- sophie77 :(

Mon. Aug 14, 9:53pm

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