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Long distance relationship question

Would you ever start up a long distance relationship where you were both in different places right from the start? I'm in New York and he's in LA and I feel like if it was right, I'm in a place where I could move (or he could). We both have careers that can be transplanted. I can't decide if it's not worth it, or if I should take a really casual approach, like if it's convenient, we'll take a flight to see each other. But isn't that taking a doomed from the start approach?

Thu. May 29, 3:42pm

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I'm not sure ...

but what came to mind when reading your post is that I guess I dont' really understand HOW a relationship can start from a long-distance place. I understand when an existing relationship finds it's self dealing with a long distance but I don't really get how one can start that way???

It would seem like from the get-go there would be pressure for one of you to pick up and move just to see if the relationship could even work b/c lets face it, time visiting each other in your own elements won't be exactly like dating and getting to know one another in your lives?

Of course the flip side could be that bc you are long distance, there may be a lot more talking and writing and getting to know each other that way ...

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 4:33 PM

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I am in a long-distance relationship with someone who lives 3 hours drive away. This is much closer than LA-NY, obviously, because we can see each other on the weekends.

But, before we met we knew each other really well, from hours of video-IM, phone, and e-mail. We didn't know whether we'd have a relationship, but we did know that we were already good friends.

Good friends is not "doomed." You can never have too many. Arrange to meet. Go into that meeting with low expectations, hope to have fun, and see what happens. What you have right now is possibilities.

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 4:56 PM

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I was in a relationship that started long distance - Toronto to New York City. We stayed together about 8 months.

I was amazing and I have no regrets. I'm married now to someone else, but I look back on that relationship lovingly.

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 7:54 PM

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I've been in a long distance relationship for the last year and it started out that way, and it works for us. I've also been in a long distance relationship that did not work at all (it didn't start as long distance). With my relationship now, we started out as really good friends who had gotten to know each other online and when we met, sparks just flew and even though it's long distance, we've been "inseparable" ever since. This means tons of talking every night and lots of visits, and knowing that we are making plans for the future to be together as soon as it is possible. It can definitely work if you want it to, but you're right in that it probably isn't worth doing unless you think that one or both of you will move so you two can be together.

And ldr have their benefits, too! After being apart you are so excited to see someone that the visits are usually very intense :)

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 9:35 PM

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9:35, this is 4:56. Are you my bf? Did we just both post on this subject?? :-)

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 9:49 PM

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hi 4:56--i am definitely not your bf, even if our situations are eerily similar!

Thursday, May 29, 2008, 9:58 PM

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I'm the op - we met at a huge weekend where friends from grad school all got together. It's sort of a big social gathering and friends of people from the grad school class went as well (I was a friend). He was one of the grad students from that class. The weekend was on the east coast which he flew in for and we just clicked. 3 days of clicked. I can't stop thinking of him.

Friday, May 30, 2008, 8:31 AM

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I think sometimes you need to be able to be near each other in the beginning because that's when you find out if that person is really compatible with you. Being that far away in the beginning, you don't get a sense of what that person's routine, lifestyle, daily attitude is like. But everyone's different so I can't say it wouldn't work. My only experience was with a relationship that was long distance 6 out of the 7 years we dated. We got married and I thought "How great, now we can be together all the time!", but ended up divorcing a few years later. The distance had a bigger impact on our relationshipt than I thought....we were so focused on being together someday "everyday" that we didn't even see that we were living two completely different kind of lives.

Friday, May 30, 2008, 9:43 AM

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WoW! NY/LA...that is a big jump! I believe long distance relationships work if they you are both on the same page about a lot in life. Flying across the country is not taking things casually like you stated. That is a big deal. It is good you are trying to see things with your eyes wide open.

I have seen, and am currently witnessing, a friend of ours suffering from moving for a long term relationship. When you move you end up knowing only one person and that is the person who you are dating. This is a good for a while but not having a group of friends of your own in a new place it hard.

Maybe finding different questions you need to ask, rather than jumping to moving there already.

What do you know about the guy, his friends, what is his day to day life like? I am all for romance but that fades as well all know.

Friday, May 30, 2008, 1:13 PM

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