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Spouse look alikes

You know how they say when you've been married long enough you tend to start looking alike? I think there's something to that...because, you practically eat the same meals (except for lunch perhaps). My spouse and I have grown in size throughout the years, as we have grown closer in our relationship.

The problem...we are both overweight and both from families with cancer and heart disease. I am doing what I can to change my ways (eating healtier and exercising. He on the other hand, says "I hate to exercise" I would love for him to be my partner in fitness as well as my partner in marriage. He said he loves red meat and potatoes and doesn't want to commit to an exercise routine. I'm feeling really alone now. HELP! What should I do?

Wed. Feb 8, 4:07pm

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Sometimes it is best to use your feminine side to your advantage. Tell him you do not feel comfortable walking by yourself and ask him if he will walk with you. Or if you do not want to fib to him tell him that you would like it if he would commit to exercising at least one day a week with you and build up from there. Once he starts he will find out that he enjoys spending the time with you and he will do it more often:o)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 4:34 PM

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This is just one, humble opinion: You can only worry about yourself at this point--- I realize that's very frustrating (I've quit smoking, but my husband is still puffing away). But, it's too much to put your energy into losing your own weight and wishing it so for him too...

Actions speak louder than words so if you lead by example and don't partake in the diet he does, he may decide "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em". And, I don't know if you cook for him every night, but if you do, then provide healthy meals period. If he doesn't like it, tough.

Unfortunately, if you do get lean and mean and he stays fat and unhappy, you will most likely grow apart as your hobbies/habits will be 180 from each other... I hope that doesn't happen and hopefully he'll see the light.

In the meantime, focus on your short-term and long-term goals and dont' worry about what he's doing. It's his life and he's a grown man, just as you are a grown woman.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 4:37 PM

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Also - dieting doesn't mean giving up red meat and potatoes! I eat lean sirloin and garlic potatoes often and have no problem working it into my food plan. But with an 'all or nothing' attitude it's hard to make any good changes (forgive me if I'm wrong but that's what it sounds like).

Hopefully you can help him see that getting fit and healthy doesn't mean giving up what you love - just moderating it. When the tme comes to give up something altogether it won't be the big huge sacrifice it seemed when you were first getting started. Start makeing small substitutions in cooking, slowly cut back on the fat ans whole dairy and start adding more veggies.

Give him positive encouragement and yes, ask him for his 'help' - I often ask my husband to walk with me because a lone female can be a target. Now he really looks forward to it because we have some great conversations when we're out walking.

No matter what though you do need to get healthy for yourself. Of course you want your loved ones to do the same but they have to arrive at that conclusion on their own. You can be a great role model though :-)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 5:05 PM

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Just to add on---if I had waited for my husband to join me in my smoking cessation, I'd still be smoking a half pack a day. He wasn't ready-- I was. Where health is concerned you can't wait on someone else and you can't blame it on someone else. Stay focused and do your thing... don't get me wrong, I love my husband and vice versa, but we are two individuals who have come together as a couple. We enjoy many things together, but I am still responsible for my own health. If your husband won't walk with you, get a big dog :)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 5:37 PM

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If you're feeling alone, find a workout buddy from work or family/friends or if you already belong to a gym, join some classes or get a personal trainer...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 5:41 PM

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Thanks, I will give it a try. I like the one day a week idea. As for cooking, he's a really picky eater, and he loves all the things that I am trying to pass BBQ, cream puffs, big steaks, fat hamburgers, etc...

We really have a wonderful relationship, but boy, when it comes to dieting or working out, he's just not into it. I have tried just cooking healthy foods, but sometimes he will just do without dinner than to eat some of the things I make (he hates chicken and most green vegetables). Then I feel guilty for making him miss a meal. Maybe I'll cook for him, then eat frozen dinners myself. However, then I have the temptation of the good food sitting in front of me. This is a tough one...but thanks so much for your input!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 8:22 PM

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No way- to the OP

PLEASE, dont have frozen donners just b/c you feel bad that your hubby (a grown man) will not eat the food YOU prepared for him . You COOKED, all he has to do it eat! I would die if my man ever tried that! Then again, he will eat almost anything, lol. Also, he doesnt have a weight issue- he has/can eat a 1lb bowl of pasta by himself, lol
Good Luck!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006, 9:53 PM

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You know what - you make yourself a nice healthy dinner and let him have a frozen entree!

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 8:03 AM

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Great idea to the op :) Really, he is a great guy and we get along so much better than anyone I have ever known. My kids' friends all say they never see their parents act like we do, and some even said they hope they marry someone so they are as happy as we are. I just worry so much about his health. I wouldn't know what to do without him if his health failed him, and I couldn't do anything to prevent it.

I can't believe I did this, but I've had some symptoms, and was scheduled for a biopsy. I told him no biopsy, no more tests, not even physicals until he make a commitment to improve his health. I told him that I want to live with him, and if he chooses to go down the risky health road, then I am too. I know it's wrong, but I really need him, and I needed to get his attention so he can see. STUPID, I know, but love makes us do some really crazy things!

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 8:34 AM

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That was actually a good approach. Sometimes it takes a little guilt trip to get through the stubborness to the male brain. Ask him if he wants to spend the next 30 years with you when he says yes then tell him he sure isn't acting like he wants to be around in 30 years. A few tears might help. I have actually used this on my husband and now he is considering quitting smoking and he stopped drinking so much:o)

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 10:25 AM

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Just a few "diet" ideas...

You said he love bbq? BBQ is healthy! You're cooking over charcoal, no oil, and the fat drips into the fire! A hamburger (or even cheeseburger) cooked over the bbq won't ruin anyone's diet, particularly if you skip the bun and the mayo. Red meat also has a lot of the iron that "dieters" typically only find in leafy green veggies. If your hubby doesn't eat greens, he does need his red meat! Also, many cuts of steak are considered "lean meats" by the FDA. Sirloin and filet are two of them. Grill them and serve them. For you, either have a small portion (size of a fist) or throw some chicken, shrimp, scallops, salmon, or whatever else you want, onto the grill. Grill up some onions and mushrooms to put on top of the steak - sneaky vegetables!!

My favorite is shrimp skewers - first you need to soak the skewers if they're wood; otherwise, buy the metal kind. Skewer some shrimp (if you buy the raw but peeled kind, it's easiest), some chunks of onions, green peppers, tomatoes, pineapple, whatever you like. Grill the skewers until the shrimp is cooked through. Baste some teriyaki sauce over it while it's cooking, or dip/marinate beforehand. Such a YUMMY dinner! And, it has like 2 calories! (Okay, not really 2, but, sooo healthy!) Just don't mention how healthy it is to the hubby.

Do you do the grocery shopping? If you do, slowly start buying smaller potatoes. Do it slowly so your hubby doesn't notice. A serving is always 1 potato, so if the potatoes get smaller, the calories go down! You can serve a small potato as a side often w/o ruining a diet.

Have a few dinners a week that are "healthy" but good - like a grilled lean meat or seafood w/ "veggies" like onions and mushrooms. Even if the other meals are less healthy, eating healthily some days is way better than never!

3500 calories is a pound. If you cut out half of that each week from your hubby's dinners, he'll lose 25 lbs in the next year!

You don't need to cut out all of the bad, from either of your diets. Just get creative!

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 1:59 PM

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Wow, you're right. Great tip. I can just make less (smaller pieces of each item) and he still gets what he likes. Small baby steps I guess. Thanks all for your support and input. PT PEERS are awesome.

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 2:21 PM

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How about this for hamburgers-- buy the leaner meats to make the burgers,
OR...get a lean cut of beef and grind it yourself (it will probably taste fresher as well!)

You can help to cut the calories in burgers by adding a little ground turkey (For some reason, I prefer the frozen ground turkey to the fresh-- it seems that the fresh sometimes has a stronger flavor.) Other things you might be able to "sneak into" your burgers are veggies, like peppers, shallots/onions or even mushrooms... (as long as he likes mushrooms). if you grind them up finely and then add them to the hamburger meat, it might taste a bit more "gourmet" AND be healthier than just a burger meat... I sometimes add bread crumbs to my mix (careful in the fat content, and don't add too much) really makes the burgers juicy and flavorful.

You could also make your own home-made bbq sauce--using ingredients that contain less sugar, or are fresher in flavor: a low-sodium/low sugar (staying away from artificial sweeteners) ketchup, mix with some agave nectar (similar in texture to honey, but better for you), onions or shallots, garlic, and other herbs, such as ginger (for an asian flavor), paprika, cinnamon, black pepper, cayenne pepper, red peppers, sesame or olive oil, etc... (experiment!) PUt it all blender and puree until it's really mixed together--that way, you control the sugar, salt and fat going into the sauce.

The grill is definitely a great way to cook the fat out of your meats (George Foreman even sells a grill & rotisserie at Kohl's-- I bought mine for about $75 when it went on sale.) The great thing is that because it is cooking on all sides, the meats still stay juicy, while leaving the fats behind... :-)

Fresh herbs can really put an Oomph into your foods (way better tasting power than powdered or dry!)

Hope this helps you!

Thursday, February 09, 2006, 6:08 PM

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