OT - I think I may have a crush on my therapist

I am incredibly uncomfortable with this and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in one of those lifetime movies. He's not my type, not cute but I find myself getting nervous to see him and now I have to admit it here: I'm hiding things because I don't want him to see the bad parts. I've been going for over 2 years and it's helped me more than anything else but now I think I have to stop. But I don't want to find anyone else because I feel comfortable with him. I'm very confused. Help me if you can.

Thu. May 22, 11:59am

It is a natural attraction, this is someone who listens and supports you. I think you should talk to the therapist about this, he will help you sort out you feelings and why you are transfering them to him.

Thursday, May 22, 2008, 12:25 PM

I would think it happens a lot. Here's a guy who listens to you, supports you, builds you up and doesn't give you crap about petty stuff. Everyone's dream boyfriend. It may be awkward, but you need to tell him because you're not helping yourself by keeping stuff from him

Thursday, May 22, 2008, 2:00 PM

Definitely tell him. I'm sure he's dealt with a similar situation before.

Thursday, May 22, 2008, 3:02 PM

I think you have more chance of needing to give him up if you don't say something to him about it. He's your therapist, if you had a crush on any other inappropriate person, or any crush you didn't want to act you - you'd talk to him about it. I can understand how it might feel awkward though - just compare it to all the other things you've said in the last 2 years and it might not seem so drastic. PRobably talking about it might even "difuse" it a little b/c sometimes these things are intriguing b/c they seem so fantastic!

Thursday, May 22, 2008, 5:08 PM

I wouldn't tell him you are attracted to him. Tell him the other details you are hiding though. If he loves you he'll love all of you...

Thursday, May 22, 2008, 11:08 PM

transference

Don't feel bad or embarrassed about this. It is so common there is a word for it. They call it transference. It can even happen for therapists toward their clients and it is called counter-transference (they talk to their own therapists when it happens).

I would bring it up and see if it helps. Just be really honest and say you are embarrassed but you have developed a crush and you are with-holding information in your sessions because of the crush. If that doesn't help, ask for a referral to a new therapist (maybe ask for a woman if this therapist is a man).

I had a therapist I absolutely adored and it was really OK. She was like a big sister I never had...I thought about her a lot. The therapy was really helpful and the feelings lessened over time. I had a later therapist in another period in my life and I didn't develop the same kind of feelings. It's interesting, because the therapy didn't seem to help as much. So maybe there is something to be said for transference...maybe it is a sign things are working. You just need to know that it is OK to use the therapy as it was meant to be used. Say what you need to say. We all need a little help with the private stuff from time to time.

Good first step, OP, writing about it can help you move through it.

Friday, May 23, 2008, 12:23 AM

I'm not a licenced therapist yet, however I am a certified counselor and I absolutely agree with the above poster re: transference. We get tons of training around this, and it is ABSOLUTELY normal and common. Please talk to him, it will help you and your therapy. Good luck!

Friday, May 23, 2008, 12:36 AM

ABSOLUTELY, 100%, please talk with your therapist about your feelings for him. It will be awkward, but it will be helpful. It will not surprise the therapist at all, either. As the above poster talked about, transference is pretty common, which makes sense... here's someone in your life who listens to all of your worst crap without judging you. You're doing such a good thing for yourself by being in therapy with someone who is helping you. This is an important step...exploring your feelings for your therapist can be a very good way to learn what your needs and wants are in a REAL (i.e., not with your therapist) relationship. Talk with your therapist, move forward in your therapy, and you'll end up being able to have a relationship with someone who has the same qualities as your therapist, but who ISN'T your therapist. Very, very best to you!

Friday, May 23, 2008, 11:39 AM

I have been a licensed therapist for 25 years and can tell you I'm sure your therapist has heard this before and, if he's a good therapist, knows how to talk with you about this, normalize your feelings, help you with boundaries, and remove the barriers to you being able to be open with him. If you don't do this you are wasting his and your time and doing a disservice to yourself as you won't get out of it what you need. If the therapist does not seem to handle this information comfortably or does not show good boundaries and ethics, you need a different one.

Friday, May 23, 2008, 2:00 PM

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