Giving up on members?

This may sound harsh but how long is too long to keep supporting team or group members when they never lose weight?

I have been in groups where the members actually never lose a pound. They talk about doing it and have been "talking" and "trying" to lose weight for over 2 years now!!

I know the issue is really with me, I get emotionally invested in them, I want it so bad for them but I start to feel like I want it more than they do! Do I just continue to watch them fail after giving all the advice I can think of without it being taken? Or politely leave them on their own?

Does anyone else feel this way on Peertrainer or even with friends in your lives? Feel upset for your overweight friend or family member, watching them struggle with their weight, not work out and continue to eat terribly but then cry to you when they feel down about their weight? Any advice/suggestions?

Fri. May 16, 1:29pm

Oh honey I feel your pain.

Unfortunately I've had to learn (and keep reminding myself) I can't make anyone do anything.
I can't force them to eat right
I can't force them to prepare a budget and spend within their means
I can't force them to take the steps to a change they want to make but never do.
I can't force them to dress better

Well you get the point. Part of what is so frustrating is when THEY want to change but just never do, unfortunately you still can't force them.

Find a new group or stick around and realize that after 2 years they are not going to lose any weight.

Friday, May 16, 2008, 1:52 PM

I would try a new group... it sounds very frustrating and I have come to realize that some are happy where they are in life. I mean you really have to work at keeping ypur body at a particular weight good/or bad it still requires work and so it somewhat must work for them. Also perhaps other things in there life are successful to them

Friday, May 16, 2008, 2:39 PM

Has it helped you?

So .... have you lost weight? Maybe it's not what you can do for them, but what they've done for you. Maybe that's how this deal works. By helping others, we are really helping ourselves.

Just a thought.

Friday, May 16, 2008, 11:02 PM

This is just like a situation I have with a friend. She has lupus and had a kidney transplant (only 1 good kidney now), plus has congestive heart failure. SO she's on lots of meds and is supposed to watch things she eats to avoid aggravating the situations.

She continues to buy and eat things with lots of fake ingredients, chemicals, hydrogenated oils, MSG, high fructose corn syrup, etc., like:
frozen garlic bread and texas toast (yuck!)
donuts and cookies by the package in one sitting
cases of soda (SOOOO bad for her kidney)
banquet fried chicken
Wendy's triple cheeseburgers with extra biggie fries and biggie coke
McD's double quarter pounder with cheese, fries & coke
not sure where this is from, but the "baconator" with extra large fries & coke
meat lovers pizzas with everything on them, and she eats the whole pizza herself

Truly, this woman's only fruits are consumed in the form of ketchup and the wilted flavorless hothouse tomato slice on the gross burgers she buys. Her only veggies are consumed in the form of pickles, french fries and fried onions (well, and whatever veggies come on the huge everything pizzas).

I get sick watching her eat this stuff because she's killing herself. The docs already told her if she wears out that kidney, that's it. She can't get another transplant. And that her heart is struggling to keep up but she ignores it.

Then she comes over and cries to me about her health problems and being fat and unable to do fun things like ride a bike or roller skate.

I'm worn out. It doesn't leave me any energy to do my own fitness...

Saturday, May 17, 2008, 1:15 AM

Change is very difficult, and the only thing guaranteed to work in the long run is persistence. I think it is important to tell other members that it is okay to make changes at their own pace. And everyone should feel like someone is there for them. This is especially true in a place like this- there are those who don't have a ton of support around them.

-Habib

Saturday, May 17, 2008, 9:43 AM

Why not invite her round for dinner, and prepare a healthy, tasty, filling meal? Or ask her to go out for a walk? Something that might encourage her to change her bad habits?
Or maybe be honest with her, but tactful, if possible. Tell her you worry about her health, and you hate to see her not looking after herself properly? That might be a less hurtful way of putting it than criticising her.

Saturday, May 17, 2008, 10:58 AM

Maintaining the same weight is, for some people, an achievement. Part of losing weight is the mental aspect and this can take a number of weeks to build up before real change can occur.

Saturday, May 17, 2008, 2:35 PM

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