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OT but fighting w/bf leads to stress eating.

Me and my bf just had a huge fight. We live about 3 hours from each other and it's been 3 weeks since we have seen one another and it will probably be 2 more.

Anyways he has been acting kind of weird lately so I asked him if everything was ok. And he told me that when I ask that he thinks I'm asking it because I've gained some weight and I am insecure about myself. Which I don't really understand because when I'm with him I'm 200% more confident than I normally am. I don't know I just hate that he thinks of me that way! Of course after I stopped crying and everything I went and got a large handful of M&M's out of my moms room, so now I feel worse.

So I just had to rant. I feel like crud.
Oh and did I mention that I want to go get another handful?

Thu. Apr 17, 9:43pm

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How old are you?

16? 18? Boyfriends come and boyfriends go. I don't want to sound all Oprah on you...but you need to work on your self-esteem. In my experience boyfriends don't get upset or "strange" because you have put on a few lbs. They either say something or cheat on you. Neither you can prevent. The only thing you can control is your reaction to the situation. That means being strong and secure enough to not really care what he thinks. For some reason men respond to indifference - it makes them think they have to work harder for your affection. It's their hunting instinct or something.

However...a real man (i.e. typically over the age of 25, though I know some 50 year old men who belong in frat houses) will know that you are a strong and secure woman and will do whatever he can to support you. He will also tell you what is on his mind without you having to play 20 questions...

My advice...put down the M&Ms, ditch the bf, and go to the gym. Start taking care of you! You are fabulous and worth it and the right man will realize that soon enough...

Friday, April 18, 2008, 9:12 AM

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And most guys worth hanging onto find insecurity a big turn off. The guys who do like it, do so b/c they know they can take advantage. I did the long distance thing with my b/f and, yes, it sucks to be apart, but you can't let him be the source of your confidence.

Friday, April 18, 2008, 9:33 AM

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why were the m&ms in your moms room? Does she hide them from you? If so, this is a sign of binge eating and that doesn't go away on it's own. You need to see someone about it. Otherwise you'll continue in the same destructive pattern. I've been there.

Use that anger you feel and instead of eating when you're mad, workout. Even if it's 10 minutes, the craving and need to be comforted by food will be gone and you'll have worked out. Then the next time he sees you, you'll look great and feel better about yourself.

Friday, April 18, 2008, 9:38 AM

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Not the OP
I have my mom eat her snacks in her room or leave the house to go have something. I struggle hard enough without having it around me all the time.
So there can be other reasons than binge eating.

As for the boyfriend,
You can't change him don't even try.
All you can do is work on you. And be confident in yourself.
The other thing is, as I was reminded of myself not so long ago, It's not all about you.
In other words he may be going through things himself or working through issues. We never know what is on anothers mind. Unless they are willing to share. But you have to give them time and let it come out when they are ready.

There are many reasons a person reacts the way they do.
Try not to take it personally and move on. If not from the man, from the situation.

Saturday, April 19, 2008, 5:22 PM

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I would say that from his comment about gaining weight and the fact that he is acting weird that maybe he is just not that into you. Could that be why you haven't seen each other for 3 weeks and now even longer? It also sounds like you are insecure, since you mention that you feel better when your with him. You do know that having a man in your life doesn't define you as a woman right? Maybe you should spend more time on you then him. Its also a possibility that he is messing around, I mean you are carrying on a semi long distance relationship, he is acting strange to you and he is getting defensive when asked about his behavior and he is changing the subject and diverting a weight issue on you. Sounds to me like its time to dump him, concentrate on yourself and move on.

Saturday, April 19, 2008, 11:19 PM

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Get out there girl

I agree that a man doesn't define you. Also, I must say that there was a period in my life (younger) when I had the mindset that I would have fun, be sexy etc. after I lost weight. Time went on and I saw that I was missing out, the weight was still there. Something clicked and I decided to act as if I was thinner. Love myself just how I was. Think about how much your body can do for you!!! I mean really! I started to look at parts of me that were really friggin sexy!!!! I have since , never had to want for a man's attention. It came without me having to do thing. I think I was exuding a certain amount of confidence and sexuality. Your esteem grows when you know the ball is in your court.
Get out there. Don't worry about whether this guy wants you. Start to question if you want him!!!!!

Sunday, April 20, 2008, 1:56 AM

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Op here

Thanks for the input everyone. The reason that I haven't seen him in so long is because I have been busy working and was low on money, it had nothing to do with him. I'm 21 and we have been dating for over a year. And the reason my mom had them in here room is because she snacks on them in well her room (I don't come from a very healthy family), not because she was hiding them from me.

And I know nobody will believe me but I know he isn't cheating. My bf has been cheated on by almost everyone he has ever been with. It's just not something he would do.

I'm still not sure what the problem was but I figured out that it probably didn't have anything to do with me.

Thanks for all the input though.

Monday, April 21, 2008, 5:41 PM

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