Should I tell my BF I cheated in the past?

Please read this first before just saying "Yes!" I would normally say lying is always the wrong thing to do, but...

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship temporarily. We were only together in person a few weeks before separating, so while we decided to be together since we knew the separation was temporary, it wasn't a serious relationship yet.

Only a little while after we began the LDR, I slept with an ex I still had feelings for. My BF knew I was going to see the ex and asked if anything happened. I knew that this early in our relationship, if I said I cheated, he wouldn't stick it out. I knew that I could have something great with my BF though and really regretted sleeping with my ex... it was a moment of complete stupidity. Afraid of losing my BF, I lied and said we just kissed. He believed me, and while he was hurt and upset, we moved past it.

Now, it has been months and we are in a very serious relationship and we are more in love than either of us have been before. Of course, now that I love him like I do, I realize how selfish it was to lie when he deserved to know the truth. I was afraid of losing him, and I should have been because he is fantastic and I think he could be "the one". But lying just to keep him was a terrible thing to do and now its eating me up that there's this untruth in our otherwise wonderful relationship.

To make things worse, the one friend I told about cheating foolishly told her boyfriend, who obviously is very disapproving. He isn't friends with my boyfriend but my friend's boyfriend and mine occasionally interact. I am worried he will take it upon himself to enlighten my boyfriend-- he's the type of person who just might do that.

So not only do I feel my own personal guilt but there is a (albeit small) risk he could find out from someone else. These things have been making me feel led to tell him the truth. However, I know that it will crush him and our relationship. We are so incredibly happy and in love and I could never want anyone else- I cheated when our relationship was young, before I realized what I had. I don't want to ruin our happiness with something that is already over and in the past, and will never happen again.

So at this point I am not going to tell him, to protect our relationship. Is that definitely the wrong thing to do? I just don't know how I can bring myself to throw the best relationship I've ever had under the bridge, just to get something off my chest. I feel like there's no benefit in him knowing at this point... except honesty, which of course is a big reason.

Please be kind and thoughtful with your responses, this is obviously very important to me.

Mon. Aug 4, 12:23am

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