My own confession

While doing a lot of "self evaluation" because of my weight loss journey, I realized why I am fat. This is a bit long, but bare with me.

When I was a child my family was military, so I ate away my loneliness... then as I grew bigger, and older, I endured some very cruel teasing at school, I kept ths method of "friendship" instead of reaching out and becoming friends with people.

When I went to high school, I finally fit in with friends and although I started school at a size 26 (my family didn't own a scale so I didn't know my actual weight) I ended freshman year at a size 22. Through my school years I lost a little bit of weight here and there, never a lot, but graduation I was wearing a size 18.

Once I left high school I lost A LOT of weight, I mean I was a size 9. Then one night I went to a concert where there was camping (it was actually a festival). I stayed late one night even though I knew I was a couple of miles from the parking lot, and my friends were drinking. I had one sober friend but before she could take me to my truck, she disappeared into a tent with her boyfriend. While complaining about it, a very attractive man I had been flirting with offered me a ride. I hesitated, so he offered to have his friend come with, I felt more at ease and so he took me to my truck. When we arrived, he locked the doors and threw himself on me, trying to undo my pants and get them off. I struggled and screamed but all his friend did was act as a barrier between me and the door. Finally after kicking and screaming and causing a commotion, his friend told him to let me go.

I never told anyone about it. Still haven't. I blamed myself and felt guilty for "leading him on". Later I was embarrassed because I did nothing about it.

I jumped into a relationship right after, which turned out to be abusive, and then after HE left ME, I jumped into another bad relationship.

I have been eating my shame, embarrassment and depression ever since.

Mon. Jul 28, 3:38am

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