importance of sex in a relationship

For me, sex is not the most comfortable, it is better maybe with a drink in my system to loosen me up, but otherwise, i would just rather not. my bf is pretty unhappy to say the least ( of 5 yrs) that we havent had any for about 4 wks. his being unhappy has resulted in him haning up on me on the phone many times, and him walking out to go to his parents house ( he lives with him on their farm). making it to me seem like it is an oblligation. when i try to talk about he usually shuts down and or says how i 'hurt' his feelings, because he feels im not attracted to him. honestly, when i get hung up on it is hard to be attracted to him, it is a major turn off. i try to tell him how i feel, but either he's not listening or doesnt take it seriously beasue i usualy dont get much feedback. i am wrong or is he? is sex something i should be taking more important, idk anymore.

Wed. Apr 9, 9:37am

Of course sex is important in a relationship! Sounds like you're bored, and not interested anymore.....what turns YOU on?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 9:44 AM

i have almost no sex drive. i use to, we use to do it alot. i would watch porn with him, go to strip clubs, now that stuff doenst excite me , mainly i feel like its a lil wrong now, i guess in that sense i feel like i grew up, grew out of that phase. i get turned on more if i have been drinking, but if im sober i usualy am not. i wonder soemtimes if there is somethign wrong with my hormones

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 9:49 AM

lol maybe thats what my husbands real problem was yesterday because he was having sex withdrawals. he actually got mad because i moved an end table to another room without asking his opinion.(like i need to) lol i know it sounds ridiculous but he did it. we dont get sex usually but just once a week sometimes several weeks. in between because we work opposite shifts so we can keep our daughter home with us during the day.
so in closing i agree sex is important in a relationship but we dont always get it as much as we would like

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 9:53 AM

Sex is very important in a relationship, for you and him. When a person (male or female, although it is different chemicals) orgasms, it releases chemicals in the brain that promote bonding emotions.

That said, sex should not be uncomfortable. Probably the most common mistake couples make is to not use lube. But if you've already tried that simple solution and it didn't work, go see your OB/GYN. The physician should check you out for infections, STD's, various disorders that cause dry tissues, etc. If you are all clear there, then perhaps the problem is technique. You and your bf should try different positions, lubes, toys, etc. until you hit on something that works for both of you.

Don't settle for uncomfortable sex. It's not healthy. It will effect not only this relationship but any future relationship you have, and you will be missing out on one of life's great pleasures.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 9:54 AM

Living like brother and sister cannot be a healthy relationship! Unless you have some undiagnosed medical issue, sex is usually uncomfortable because you're not into it with your partner. And if you're not into it with your partner, something's wrong with the relationship. If I went 4 weeks, I'd go crazy! Loving and respecting each other is a big part of a relationship, but don't delude yourself into thinking sex should not be equally important. That's what separates your other relationships from this one. Definitely over time and with interruptions like kids, work, etc, you can have mini slumps, but the desire is always there. I'd love to have sex with my husband every night, but we're usually out cold 5 min after the kids are asleep!! I think you need to really examine how you feel about this guy...are you in it because you've already invested so much time, you don't want to be alone, you like him and he has all the right qualities, but it's just not right? You're going to find yourself with an ex pretty soon because it sounds like he's smartening up and he'll eventually find someone he's better suited to. He shouldn't have to give up his sex drive because you're not into it. You need to get to the root of your issue and work on it with him, or find someone who has similar feelings on the topic to be with because this guy will be either 1. hitting the bricks, or 2. cheating on you .

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 10:00 AM

I saw the words "lives with his parents on their farm"....is this the same person who posted a few weeks ago about her boyfriend who won't take his muddy shoes off in her house??? If it is, I think the consensus around here was to dump him. No wonder you don't want to have sex with this guy...he's a jerk!!!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 10:03 AM

OP-if I can take a guess, are you in your early to mid 20s? When I was dating my now husband and i was that young, i wasn't very interested in sex either. You're young, trying to establish a career, prove yourself to the other gals at work that you can handle it, have a relationship,etc. 30 was great for me because I got over all that and the sex is now incredible! I have more of a sex drive than ever before. I think part of is due to age and for me part of it is due to losing 30 pounds. I feel sexier. Can't wait to lose the next 10.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 10:43 AM

Consult Carrie Bradshaw. She can solve all of your problems!! Jk..seriously though watch a few episodes of "Sex and the City". Decide who you are sexually..are you a Samantha or are you all the way down to a Charlotte?? Sounds stupid, but try it!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 12:51 PM

Sex isn't everything. Normally when people start thinking it's the sex that's the problem in the relationship they're normally trying to avoid a bigger problem. My husband and I haven't had a sex life ... well ever. We got pregnant when we first started dating. I had a painful pregnancy so there was little sex, then we had a baby with colic so both of us were too tired then the one time we did finally have sex we got prego again! and again with that pregnancy there were issues making sex painful. Now I have an IUD inso I won't get pregnant right away but I've had a heavy period for 2 months because of it meaning no sex. We've been together for over 2 years and have had sex maybe 15 times. We're very happy and never fight about sex (more about money and kids). And no he isn't getting it else where and doesn't look at porn or anything distasteful thing like that. When he's needing a realease I have him a hand job or oral but I just don't need sex like he does (I'm only 23 and he's 33). You may need to reevaluate your relationship and your priorities. And TALK to him, there maybe something else wrong.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 3:22 PM

Let me tell ya...I got married a year ago, and my husband and I have sex...quite frequently...Everyday we do have sex its like there is nothing wrong in the world, everything feels right, everything seems fantastic, not to mention long passionate sex capades usually burn an extra amount of calories during the day...I would say try it again make sure HE knows what turns YOU on. Bc Sex is the best thing in the world.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 3:46 PM

I sometimes have "dry spells," and the more I feel pushed, the less likely I am to put out. The pressure really kills it all. But if I get my boyfriend to REALLY back of for a few days (so there can be hugging and stuff, but no boob grabbing, no tongue kissing, nothing that feels sexual to me), I am usually ready to jump him after a couple of days...

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 4:32 PM

get married.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008, 7:36 PM

Amen.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 2:24 PM

NO! If you're not happy now or your not in sync now, it gets worse after marriage. Can you live the rest of your life with the way things are going right now? Is he going to live the rest of his life with someone who doesn't fulfill his needs? Hard questions to ask, but you need to talk about them.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 2:42 PM

sounds to me like your not compatible as i was like that with my ex husband yet with my current partner of 2 years sex is amazing and i only have to look at him to get turned on. Im sorry but i say move on.

Thursday, April 10, 2008, 3:32 PM

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